The Day I Died I’ve tripped on shrooms quite a few times now, about 8 in all.
The Day I Died
I’ve tripped on shrooms quite a few times now, about 8 in all. So I’m quite used to their effects, also I consider myself to be quite an intelligent person and quite in control of my physical and emotional self, even when I’m out of my face. Most of the times that I’v taken mushies, I had taken about 20-30 average sized B+ home growns, just after breakfast or on an empty stomach and the trips reached, probably, about a stage 3 in the terms laid out by the shroomery. But this story is the tale of the day that I died, a very special trip indeed.
I was on a bus with a good friend of mine, John, on my way to the town centre where we were to meet his girlfriend and my future girlfriend, Gemma and Liz. I decided that I would take out the mushrooms that I had picked the day before, from my back pack, and munch them. There were only about 15 in all, they were quite small, infact many were “aborts”, so I thought, judging from past experience, that I wouldn’t get too fucked, which was a necessity, considering I was attempting to hook up with Liz. So I ate the shrooms, washing them down with some cheap fresh orange juice that id bought from the local ASDA (part of the wal mart family).
We arrived in the town about a half hour later and we met the girls just outside Mac’y D’s, I bought Liz a rose for some reason (I later found out that the rose was a plastic one, something I hadn’t noticed at the time, it also played a crapy tune) and then we went back onto the bus into a different town where my friend had just moved into a flat.
On this bus I sat next to Liz and John facing Gemma and another of her friends, Sarah. The girls were giggling and I watched them, I couldn’t hear what they were saying but I started to giggle too. I guessed that this was the start of my trip. The girls didn’t know that I was tripin and they thought that I was laughing at them, which in itself was funny because they were checking in their mirrors to see if they had something on their face n stuff. So I was just laughin my ass off, things started to change. I looked up at the roof of the bus, which was a pale blue, and could see swirls and a flowing water like movement. John told the girls that I was on mushrooms, they didn’t believe him and carried on asking me what I was laughing at.
I don’t actually remember getting off of the bus, the next frame of memory is being inside Tesco’s (supermarket), I needed a drink, and also a piss. I decided to wait for a drink at Daniels flat and was guided to the toilet by a couple of the little girls (Gem and Sarah I think), I moved into the toilet and looked into the mirror, my face appeared red and patterned and my pupils looked wide with a shiny glaze to them, I had a slight case of double vision. For some reason I really needed a wiz but I just stood there and looked into the toilet, I just couldn’t remember what I was supposed to do. So I left the toilet and went out of the shop, I chased a pigeon and I heard voices of onlooker talking about me, then I collapsed in the sun on a central podium outside of the shop. The girls and John came out and called me over, so I went to them.
I told Gem I needed a wee, she said “u just went”, I said “no I didn’t”, she said….. “so what did u do in the toilet then”, I said “I just stood there”, she asked “why”. I said…… “I just don’t know”….., and continued laughing. On the walk to the flat I looked at the floor and the entire pavement was covered in pink foot prints, I actually thought that they were really there, I guessed that maybe builders had been plastering something and their foot prints had covered the path, turns out the path was just the normal grey colour. The next memory is me trying to climb a wall and Daniel opening the door to his flat. We walked in, the girls had bought a bottle of Vodka from the Tesco’s and they started to drink. I collapsed on the bare floor of the living room, then It got weird.
I began to take my shoes off and tried to eat them, every now and then Id see people come into the bright, blur of colour that surrounded me, I laughed, none stop for over 6 hours, no exaggeration. Daniels mom is a goth and we were listening to this goth music, the beauty of the song and the room and all of my friends was so intense, I just cried and lay there, I can only describe it as a pre-birth experience, with the warmth and love and innocence of a child inside its mothers womb. I was completely incapacitated, all I could do was dribble and roll left and right on the floor. Absorbing the beauty of the music, people walked past me and I grabbed at their legs, Dan was smoking weed and he offered me a blast on his splif, but I couldn’t see the damn thing, so I declined.
I could see John sittin on a chair; he was looking at me and just crackin up uncontrollably, which made me laugh even more. When I looked at my friends I felt this intense loved up feeling, and I suddenly had a moment of clarity in which I realised that I was only here to reproduce, no god, no hell, nothing else matters, the only reason I was born was to have children of my own, reproduction. “so that’s what its all about”, I said to myself. I looked at each of the girls individually and in a totally none sexual way I was in love with each of them, they looked so amazing to me, bathed in this pure white light that seemed to emanate from behind them. Apparently I stared a little too intensely and I think they got scared, I tried to recreate the look I must have given them in the mirror after I’d sobered out, it lies somewhere between psychopath and rapist….
Anyways, Dan’s girlfriend Harriet has massive tits, and like I said before, I felt like I was in a foetal state, and I just remember sticking my hand down her top (“got milk?”), I think Dan understood how paralytic I was and didn’t say anything. On the contrary he gave me a metal ring with skulls on it. Tried to eat it, and some money that had fallen out of my pocket, another strange feeling that I had, was that I wanted someone to piss on me, however I managed to stop myself from asking for it, (remember I was tryin to “pull” Liz at the time). Also, having the friends that I have, the chances are they would have pissed on me if I’d asked.
So far, apart from the flowing river and foot prints, the trip had been mostly emotional and completely happy, like all the other times……. then I suddenly just lost it. I started ask for James and my mom and I wanted them right then and there, because of course, in my mind I was every where at once, and so even though James had moved 200 miles away about a year ago, I though he was right next to me, and I couldn’t understand why all of my friends were lookin at me so strangely. I couldn’t articulate what I wanted to say, something that doesn’t happen very often, and this frustrated me to an extreme degree.
I lay back onto the floor, it felt cold, cruel. Gravity didn’t exist and I felt as though I was falling backwards constantly. Gem looked over my body, she asked if I was Ok, and she said that I looked in a bad way or something, then her faced turned into a skull and she was talking to me as a skull, I have NEVER been so scared in my life, then, I really felt as though id died, and the expression on everyones faces seemed very uneasy, the fluidity and happiness of the moment seemed to fade into agony. Everything went white, no people, no room, I didn’t exist anymore.
Eternity passed. Yesterday came and went, tomorrow happened three weeks ago, and I was flying through space, scared shitless, all the time thinking of all of the things that id missed. Wondering where my parents would be when they heard the news and how they’d react. I actually experienced the whole scenario of my own death and subsequent funeral.
I came too, looking into the toilet, a plethora of colours spinning, I felt ill like id never felt before, my stomach was being eaten from the inside out. I could feel the presence of a couple of people around me, the toilet flushed, I felt as though id been sucked in.
We move out of the flat for some reason, it was so cold, the grey sky was shooting over my head. I felt sick and put my hands onto a wall in front of me, and leaned over, I could see my hands in front of me, but the wall wasn’t there, it was just stars, I was in space again, they continued towards the town centre again, Gem stayed to make sure I was ok. Leaves on the floor took on a life of their own, they jumped like hundreds of frogs, and large mice. I knelt down.
“IT HURTS GEM ….. it really hurts”
“I know lee, u’ll be ok”
I think that really helped, the pain started to fade slightly and I was able to walk on, I felt comfortable and looked after, as if Gem was a mother figure of some sort. So I got up and we caught up with the rest of them, by this point my pupils were like train tunnels, I looked sooo high, and I was.
I actually thought that I was coming out of my trip but it was no where near over, there was a slight break in the intensity of the trip, I was able to talk to Dan and John and the rest for about 15 minutes or so, as we walked through a park. Some of the little girls went off to squat in the bushes. But then the break was over, a whole new state became apparent. This was just a stage of intense colours and absolutely no reality what so ever, I couldn’t understand what people were saying to me, it was as if my mind was trying to remember everything at once and not achieving any memory at all. Dan was trying to describe a way for me to get home and I just stared at him blankly, because I just didn’t know what it meant.
“You gonna get this bus then back to the Scotts, and pick up your car to go home, or do u wanna phone your mom to get a lift?”
“Are you drivin home or getting a lift or what”
“I think he’s still fucked”
So I walked to the Tesco, I was pretty cold, Everything was a baron, blue and swirly green landscape with fast moving clouds above it, occasionally people would appear into the landscape and ask things of me. The girls wanted to buy some cigarettes and asked if I had any money, I thought that id lost it all, like I said before id tried to eat it, but my friends really looked after me, every thing that I had taken with me, I still had when I left, mostly the girls are to thank for that (must be some kind of in built need to mother helpless creatures). I really felt like a small child, my trousers were routinely pulled up for me if they started to drop bellow my waste, if I dropped something it was put back into my hand, or my pocket if they suspected that I might lose it.
Any ways I told them that I didn’t have any money, then I managed to pull out a couple of £2 coins, I wasn’t sure what they were, or what they were used for but I had an instinctive feeling that I shouldn’t give them away. So I said no, they begged, then Dan leapt to my rescue, telling them not to take advantage of me. So they stopped askin. I found it very hard to talk to people because my mind was a mess, I couldn’t concentrate on any thing for more than a second or so then id change the subject and not be able to get back onto the original subject, also I assumed that everything that I was told was real, for example, the girl that I was trying to get with (Liz), well I ended up calling her Linda for some reason…… she wasn’t impressed…….Dan and Harriet told me that they were married, they are only 14 and 17 so its not exactly likely, but I just had all of these memory’s of the wedding and all sorts of stuff. The brain is amazing when it comes to imagery.
So….. I was fucked out of my mind, all of the little girls were pissed, John n Dan had been smoking weed a bit and it was very, very cold, so we decided to go back to Dan’s flat. Somehow I managed to control myself enough for just enough time to tell Liz how I felt about her, I apologised for how things had turned out, and we went back to Dan’s flat and we sat together on the crapy yet very comfortable garden furniture that he had in his living room. We watched Die Hard 3, it didn’t quite seem the same as I remembered but there you go. The walls continued to melt and reform, and breath for a while after. This is 8 hours later and I can still see the effects.
Liz and the girls had to leave, so I kissed Liz goodbye, I felt great…. Really content. Like everything had turned out ok after all. Dans mom came home about the same time and we had a strange conversation about the penis, she told me to save her some shrooms for next time. We finished watching the movie and I drove John home with no apparent trouble.
The next day, I felt amazing, like I was lucky just to be alive, I had improved concentration at college, worked harder than I have ever done in my life, almost like my brain had been cleaned and replaced so that it could work faster and better than before. I swore I’d never take magic mushrooms ever again. Alas the week after, I tripped again, but that’s a different story…..
I’d like to give special thanks to all of the people that kept me from killing myself on by far the craziest journey that I’v ever taken. Mostly Gemma I guess.