Having had some really crazy, scary experiences with shroom+maoi I've layed off tripping for a while. It was a case of one bad trip colouring and effecting the outcome of later trips pretty much an on running paranoia theme.
Anyway, the vision I wanted to discribe occured on my second outing with the aforementioned combo.
The first 6-7 hours of the trip where hugely rewarding and greatly appreciated. It was roughly after the 7th hour that I decided I needed some fresh air and would go for a walk. Roughly 4am still dark and I had a plan to walk through the local wood and adjoining fields (I'd done it once before).
I was feeling quite anxious while walking the empty streets toward the wood checking behind me every so often to see if I was alone and really should have taken this as a sign not to continue but...
Walking up to the entrance of the wood on my first shroom+maoi combo (again early hours of the morn) had felt so inviting so natural but this time it was a little intimidating but I smiled I and thought to myself whats to worry and carried on in. 5 minutes in and I really couldn't see more than 2-3 metres ahead then I heard as clear as anything my name whispered from out of the darkness,
I stopped imeadiately and listend...nothing apart from the rapid increase of heartbeat and a sudden tense feeling all over everything was as before dark and quiet.
It's at this point that the vision appeared in my mind. A body savagely torn at the waist legs missing. I carried on in and new that the path I had taken would lead out onto open field quite soon and that gave me some relief. Then again, my name whispered from the darkness, I looked around attentively but my eyes were not adjusting to the dark.
I kept a calm pace thinking that breaking into a run wouldn't help matters at all and probably only make me lose the path. Again the vision of the torn body appears in my mind and it seems more detailed with each new emergence. The body lays torn, dark, as if laying in the shadow of some larger object. The cold eyes stare deep into me but they're not lifeless eyes as you might imagine them to be, the personality, the person, soul whatever you want to call it is there...
The face, the dark grey/blue face (it's my face!) holds an expression of fear, jaws open bearing a set of teeth that would be more at home in a monster movie makeup set. This "creature" looks vaguely like me but I know it is me. The most striking feature and probaly the most important are these dark blue channels of light that follow the contours of the face. It's difficult to describe, they look like tubes but they look as much a part of the face as any other, and inside these dark blue tubes there small light blue blue bits of light that flow through smoothly (if you ever seen a tube with a small amount of water in it and there is air seperating bits of water, it's like that).
Out into open field and feeling quite relieved I zig zag downhill throught the low mist toward the 1st "great tree." You see the first time I came to this field I was drawn to this tree because of it's amazing size and presence. It it had frightened me to approuch the bulky trunk of this great giant the first time, but the fear was disspelled when my hand came into contact with the rough gnarled bark.
I sat with my back pressed hard against the trunk in a half crouched position under the silent leafless canopy. I looked out in the direction I had come to see if I had been followed, the light was much better here but my vision was being obscured by the mist that hugged at the hills. I don't know how long I sat there for but I felt safe. I decided to move on to the second "great tree", equally as tall as the first, but very thin with branches that refused to point anywhere but up.
On the way to the 2nd tree I passed through a small grove of young saplings I was stopped in my tracks by a beautiful sound that was coming from the surroundings. It was a misty morning and as such the saplings had collected alot of water on their bodies and as the water rolled off and hit the floor it made a tiny little ringing noise that would reverberate between the tree bodies back to me, multiply this little ringing noise by I guess 30 trees all with branches dripping water equates to a wonderful multilayered highly complex chorus. It blew me away. And at that moment the fear was gone. I stood there with my arms stretched out to the sides in imitation and stood there quiet and unmoving for some time completely absorbed by the music.
Feeling pleased I moved on to the 2nd "great tree."
I had felt a kind of pity upon meeting this tree the first time but had shown the same respect as I had done with the other giant. I moved my hand slowly toward the smooth surace of the tree, my fear had returned, before I had even made any physical contact a warning went off in my mind accompanied with the image,
"the body is at the 3rd tree!"
I nodded to myself or mabye the tree I didn't know where the information had come from but it didn't matter it *had* come and I was *leaving*
To explain, the 3rd "great tree" was unlike the other two since it was a felled tree, probably taken down by the hurricane in '87. This once proud monolith lay at the top of a hill that I needed to climb in order to get home and I wasn't happy about what I had just heard, but now I had to see what was there, if anything.
Climbing the hill the image of the torn torso played over and over in my mind but I was sure paranoia was runnig away with me.
Over the mound the 3rd "great tree" is no more than 50 paces ahead. I walked slowly on, the roots that were so violently ripped from the earth all exposed, marked my destination.
The fear of being followed in this place spurred me on, while the fear of my visions becoming reality fought to hold me back, but I had no choice there was only one way out and that was forward.
At the "Great tree's" side I stood, squinting to see any kind of shape but nothing, the field was as quiet as it had been when I first entered it.
I smiled and shook my head and began to move on when >>>>Noise, scrape, whup, flap Futter, scrape<<<<< A barrage of noise sprang from the tree!!
If I could have sreamed I would, if I hadn't of fasted for the last 24 hours I probably would have shat myself. As it was all I could do was let my eyes widen in terror and freeze to the spot, and as I frooze the image of the torn body, the face were there in my mind while looking in the direction of the noise.
...It seems I must have frightened a crow as thats what I saw flap of from underneath the fallen trunk.
Not soon after that incident was I out of the field and well on my way home, thoroughly freaked but in one piece.
This was quite a few months ago now but there has been a recurring theme throughout all of my trips since which I wont go into right now.
The reasons and origins of the image I've thought about for a long while, it seemed more than just paranoia but then rue adds a real strange edge to a trip and mabye this is "normal."
So I did see the body at the 3rd "great tree" but not as a reality. The fear in the bodies' face could have well matched mine when I disturbed the crow (the flash of the image in my mind suggests this). So was this some kind of premonition?
Anyway, I think *some* aspects of the body in the field I think has come about from memories of watching the amercan werewolf in london as a child. There was this scene where jack goodman, who has been having these recurring nightmares ever since he was bitten by the werewolf. For those who may be unfamiliar with the film a brief account:
Jack runs through (while appropiate cinematic music plays) the wood naked on a hunt mabye. He comes to a clearing and in the clearing he sees a hospital bed with a nurse attending to a patient. The patient is himself but the face is an unnatural mix of colour. The camera is fixed on the face and then >>><<<>
The most "sensible" interpretation I can muster for the blue channels in the face is that they were chi/energy channels that have become stagnent hence the pockets of air (or no energy). It didn't feel like it meant anything then but now...Alot of late nights, less meditation and general feelings of unsettlement are quite common now. Was this another premonition?
Or mabye my subconscious mind picked up on the imbalances caused by the change in lifestyle and amplified the result thereby offering what might look like a future reference.
All I know is this, Rue isn't just about potentiating trips, it's about looking deeper than ever before but if you don't like what you see with rue it's not just a case of Opening your eyes to escape the problem...ermm if you know what I mean.