Slipping into the stream

Age: 20
Gender: male
Weight: 65kg-ish
Dose: 2g dried, whole
Preparation: none

This was my second trip, my first experience was interesting, but not amazing - I feel I got 2g of dud shrooms, spent most of the time waiting to come up, and never did!

This time I was at a friend's 21st, and he'd organised a mini-outdoor psytrance party on his farm (we knew some DJ's through other friends). Anyway, I spent quite a lot of the afternoon and night debating whether I should or shouldn't buy some more shrooms. Eventually it boiled down to a friend telling me to try 1g, because the previous 2g had done very little, and he didn't want me to take 2g of possibly strong shrooms and freak out. Of course I felt that I should get my money's worth, and I would eat the whole bag of very nice whole mushrooms (still to this day don't know what type they were).

I waited till about 1am and ate the whole bag, and then went to wander around outside near the bonfire until something happened. After some time, maybe 30 minutes, I had a definite mind-lift, and everything was kinda bubbly and amusing. I remember feeling like I was drunk (that happy, tipsy stage after a few shots of tequila), and I kept telling my friend how cool this was, and so not like the time before. Going forward a couple of minutes I become immensely happy with the experience, things were shining, everything was amusing and I had boundless energy to run around through the trees and on the grass. My girlfriend kept following me around to make sure I didn't inadvertently injure myself, and I got slightly annoyed because I wanted to be left alone. I don't know what motivated this unfriendly feeling, but I felt a bit self-conscious because she wasn't tripping (at the time) and she didn't know how happy I was. At the time I was quite self-conscious, even sober, so this was probably projecting through the trip. Anyway, this was a minor incident and I quickly got over it when I noticed that the lights (mounted on tall wooden poles, similar to streetlights) shining through the trees made the trees look very much like huge birds on massive legs (the lights were the eyes). Astounded by this revelation, I flew around to the bonfire and told everyone about it!

The sense of happiness still pervaded the experience, I was on holiday from university, relatively stress-free, just a random joe having a blast at a party.

The bonfire opened up to me and showed me that there some kind of struggle deep in the embers, bird-like creatures like before were fighting, and then the whole scene was suddenly juxtaposed against a bird-corpse burning right in the middle of the fire. I was happy about this, not because I hate birds (;P), but instead because it was very surreal and carnival-like - there's this feeling I have since started searching for in trips, the almost deja-vu, "something is not right with the world", I'm a bit-player in a carnival of freaks, that really grabs me and makes me want to find more and see stranger things. I tried explaining this to people again, but I had reached the stage of little-to-no outside communication, I was very much alone here.

Running around some more, grass is so cool, I kick the pebbles and they all come running back to my foot to be kicked again! The girl walking past me is actually a witch, I cackle like a witch to show my approval and suddenly it's her cackling, giving me a knowing glance as she disappears around the corner.

I end up in another friend's car, shooting the shit, slightly worried that my blanket (it was a cold pre-winter night) is clinging very tightly to me, and undulating threateningly. The wall in front of the car is somehow some form of x-ray, and I can see through it, although I can't, but the idea pleased me anyway. Leaving the car I encounter it's owner (who wasn't in it) and he tells me that now I really know what's happening, and he understands - again I'm happy, but to be honest not really affected by his words, I'm more excited to go discover new things.

Dancing on the makeshift dance-floor, I start experiencing waves and waves of shapes hitting me, knocking me back. Closing my eyes I am suddenly aware of how the 60s (1960s) made perfect sense! I now know what flower-power and everything else was about. Opening my eyes I realise that I have become dangerously close to perpendicular to the rather rocky ground - after returning myself to an upright and locked position I decide that it's time to explain the 60s to everyone else, but I'm actually going inside to stop myself from falling over and making a fool of myself, writhing ecstatically on the ground...

Inside, curse him, the original friends offers me a little joint, which I accept for no other reason than him giving it to me. Smoked up a bit. Sitting on the couch, time starts not making sense, everyone is outside, I'm on the couch, I'm in the couch, shit, I'm not having a good time anymore. Clawing at the couch I feel very alone, there're 2 guys watching me, self-conscious again I flee outside. Shapes everywhere, freaking out. Ok, I need sleep, I gotta sleep this off. I climb inside my tent, bloody cold, wrap myself in a sleeping bag. Stare at the ceiling of the tent, I see the tent from the outside... but I'm inside... I see the outline of the tent, a big triangle. It turns out to be made of 4 separate triangles, no wait, they're made of 16 smaller triangles - my whole world crashes down with a triangle-shaped noise. Triangles are the answer, I am a triangle. Not a metaphysical one, I'm a two-dimensional shape, fighting off other triangles. Slipping further away I'm now one triangle in an infinite sea of triangles, and I'm the only one holding onto a triangle-shaped branch. I realise that the sea is the universe, the single triangle is me, the branch is my body, my body won't release my ego into the stream. I'm too scared, I'll never come back if I'm swept away. Suddenly I want to be swept away, I want to see everything and nothing; I'm trying so hard, but I can't let go. Every triangle-shaped molecule of me wants to let go, but it just doesn't happen, so instead I freak out. Opening my eyes I try to ground myself with reality, but everything I look at dissolves into triangles and tricks me into going back to the scary stream. I spend who-knows how long like this, my ego vs. the universe, I'm gonna crack soon.

Original friend, who I am now convinced is a flaming jackass, had told me that eating peanuts will soften the trip up, so I spend 30 minutes (maybe? time is meaningless) trying to open them. Eventually I get 2 out, I eat them and they shatter into horrible little bits which stick to my teeth. Fuck, now I'm convinced the little pieces are tastebuds on my tongue which I'm grinding away with my teeth. Going to bleed to death in a tent... how sad. I pretty much start looping now, fighting triangles, biting my tongue, trying to not freak out. Eons later more friends come to check on me, I ask if I'm bleeding and they say no. Thank god! They leave against my wishes, but come back in a bit to tell me to get the hell out've the tent.

I estimate this whole debacle to be around 2 hours, it was getting light (sun rise), and I was less stoned, and I normally stay stoned for ~2 hours. In the sun, with people around I'm less jittery, but everything is still made up of triangles, and now more recently, bits of peanut. Erg. Feeling super shattered I wander around trying to collect bits of me into one coherent me. After a while I decide to go do the nasty (vomit) in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet seat to take a moment, I'm suddenly on a journey through space, the toilet seat is a space-ship - this is quite cool, I'm not frightened. Snapping back, I head out to the sink and wash my face, each drop of water falling from my face into the metal basin is a bombshell whistling and exploding, I'm in a war. Again, pretty cool, I enjoy this interlude. Back outside, other people tripping are convinced the toilet is eating people, they've seen 4 go in and none come out, they are infinitely relieved when I come out, because they'd run out've people to go check for the missing people. Sat outside for a while, go trapped on top of a child's climbing-gym for some time, eventually figure out how to get down.

I go back to the couch that started this mess and pass out inside it for 2 hours. I'm awake, shattered, I'll never be the same, and I blame it all on weed.
Weed precipitated this event, even if I'm just smoking it without any other substances I have always got a schizo/the fear feeling. Now I know to not mix it with anything else, hell, I stopped smoking altogether, it does not agree with my brain!

2 years on, I realise that the whole thing was an experience, I'm better for it - but I'm still scared of anything over 1g. I was enlightened, and now I just want to have a bit of amusement.

Yeh, I know, only 2g? Maybe closer to 3... I had quite an empty stomach, in the afternoon I smoked some Thai that left me more stoned than I've ever been, not cool, cut my finger up and didn't realise till 30 min later.