Pain and Gain

I ingested 11.75 grams of fresh psilocybe cubensis mushrooms last Saturday, March 22, 1998. This would be the first time to trip on mushrooms. I had grown them in a 56 quart plastic sterlite container, kept for warmth in the closet that houses the water heater for my apartment. I ate the mushrooms at 21:15 hours. I began to feel the effects at around 22:00 to 22:10. It started with a slight strange feeling, and soon started to increase in intensity. At the time, I was chatting with Hatta at the Shroomery. My stomach started feeling uncomfortable as was my body. Hatta suggested that I make myself comfortable. After I made myself comfortable on my bed, I began to feel worse. I stood up and found that I was experiencing pain in my muscles and my stomach. I never made it back to the computer. I got back in bed and closed my eyes. I saw lines placed in perfect geometrical patterns. These began to be replaced by more random patterns. These random pattern became exploding, reproducing innumerable forms, shapes and even sounds, constantly in motion, everchanging, bright with every color imaginable.

All the hallucinations were beautiful. But, as they increased in intensity, so did the pain. All I could do was lay there, in pain, hallucinating through some unceasing, overwhelming, mad show. Then, another change began to take place. I noticed that my psychology had been opened up. I could see myself as never before, my mistakes, the errors of my ways, and the cause of my errors or wrong ways of thinking. I could see how I my psychology and behavior developed from impacting events of my life. It was also painful to confront my psyche because of recent challenges with my marriage. I was trapped. All that I could do was just stay where I was and endure my ordeal, until I fell asleep several hours later.

The next day, I was changed. I could remember all of the psychology lessons or therapy sessions the mushrooms had led me through. I found in the following days, that I saw my wife and children, and myself, in a new light. I had, over such a short period, come to understand more about everyone and myself, and hence, treat those around me better.

Overall, the experience was very difficult, due to the physical pain and psychological challenges that arose during the experience. With all that I was suffering through, the hallucinations were a painful nuisance. But, the persistent benefit of the experience outweighed the temporary agony. I was, and still am, thankful for this experience. I was already planning to dose the next weekend.