Overdose of Fear

First, an introduction to the trip... 12:00 PM This was my 7th time taking shrooms, but my first time eating uncrushed ones. It was a lazy thursday, and I had a buddy (K) over at my place. We had smoked a couple grams of pot, and about an hour later, he said it would be a good idea to eat the 2-3 grams of shams he sold me. I found out after I ate them that it was 4 grams of Psilocybe cubensis . I mowed down 3 4 inch stems with pizza pockets, but one tasted exceptionally bitter... (this comes into play later)
After I ate them, a thought popped up that they might be contaminated due to the bad taste. The thought went away though. About 20 minutes later, I felt the first effects. We decided to go up into my garage, and into a room hich is lit by a 400 watt sodium lamp. (very orange-red colour) By now, I was starting to notice colours and patterns more, and when I concentrated on any surface without a pattern, I would see shadow demons and such moving around, trying to grab me, but they were stuck in 2 dimensions.
12:30 We went back to the house for water, then back to the garage. The thought "what if those mushrooms are bad" popped up again, but I stifled it. I usually can keep quit a sober mind, until I hit a level 3-4 trip. Back in the loft, I was feeling the effects quite strongly, and the room felt evil. There were ghosts there, I knew it, but I couldn't see or feel them. Looking up at the light from a reclining chair, the shadows it made began to look like a big shadow spider. I was starting to feel uncomfortable with the shrooms, and started regretting taking them - BIG MISTAKE. I started feeling tense and shaky, so my buddy decided we go back in the house.
12:45 Stepping out into the bright sunlight was amazing. It reflected off of the snow, and everything was silver and my peripheral vision was black. It cheered me up, and I felt like swaying my arms and dancing when I got in the house. My little sister saw me, and knew something was wierd, but ignored it. We went down to my room, which seemed to have a purple hue to it. We sat and chilled, but then my little brother came in. He found out I was zooming, and started tripping me out. He snapped his fingers behind my head - left ear, right ear, and denied it. My buddy, not knowing what was in store for my, agreed that the snapping was all in my head, so I snapped. I was suddenly very afraid of my brother, and he had grown a third eye. I wanted to kill him, and was picking a fight with him, shoving him with superhuman strength when K pulled me off and told me to quit it. I started feeling ill, and the thought of bad mushrooms came back, but this time in my mind it was true... I was going to die from mushroom poisoning. I layed down in bed, and pulled the covers over me.
1:00 I was still pondering that thought in bed, but was less scared of it. I was telling myself it's just the shrooms, but it wasn't working. My buddy turned the lights off and everything went blue, for a few seconds. Tunes were put on - System of a Down - trippy as hell sham music....but they didn't alter my trip this time.
1:10 A gram doobie is passed around, and things go downhill. I begin obsessing over that one thought, and I begin to get an immense fear. I was going to die, or never come down from my mushroom trip. My rational thinking was too far gone to help me, so K tried, but he couldn't get through either, over a period of 2 hours. I layed in bed saying things like "Oh God" and "I need to cactus my shoe" but meant eat a shoe that somehow was a cactus at heart, although it came out as jibberish.
1:50 I start feeling things, like I'm melting into my waterbed, so I look under the covers to find my legs and lower abdomen melting into my bed... the colours from my sheets and legs mixing, like thick fingerpaint in a whirlpool. I was excited by this, and told K that I was melting. He said that I was actually melting, but I didn't mind it. My melting was the only thing that took my mind off of my delusion of dying from mush. I was getting very paranoid by this time, and asked him every minute or so if I was going to die, or sobbing to him that I had overdosed on shams and pot, even though I knew it was impossible. He told me that I was a crackhead, and turned the other way.
2:10 This was the first time I looked at my clock/radio, but it was gone, and the display appeared in the headboard of mybed, but it kept scampering back and forth whern I would look at it. Aside from this, I lay there crying about how I was dying, and melting. My buddy got pissed when I asked him the time every few seconds for about 20 minutes, according to him. I lay on my bed in perceived agony, although the only thing bad about my trip was that one though.
2:32 I look at the headboard after writhing in my covers for some time, and the clock was there, but it was mixed with the bed. I wanted the trip to end, and now, not 5 seconds later. I got out of bed, and went to the bathroom, remembering that sometimes your senses can get mixed up, and you feel sad but actually have to piss. While I was out of my room, I felt slightly better, but the ground was soooo far away. Taking a piss is quite an experience in itself, because the toilet became an open maw and the water in the toilet was a different dimension. I went back to my room, and started crying like a baby. The trip was too intense. My brilliant friend decided we should smoke a big fat joint, but I declined. He convinced me to, saying that the trip would be shorter. I took a couple puffs, and lay back down. I felt even more paranoid, as I had realized that there was nothing wrong, and I was laying there writhing in my own self pity. Too bad for me, thoughts told me that I was just trying to make myself feel better, and that I was going to die, and I believed them.
I lay there, feeling even worse, when my entire vision became a pisture, and frame by frame, went spiralling out of existance, growing smaller and smaller as it span. What was left was a dark, blue/black/purple void. I stared for several minutes that seemed like seconds, convinced that I had died, and wondering what was next. I turned my head, and everything came back. My buddy and brother had left my room while I was sitting up straight, staring at nothing for a few minutes, so when I came back, and they were gone. I thought that this must be what happens when you die a horrible death...you are stuck to live it out for eternity where it happened. I was laying down, and I could hear my family upstairs talking about how I had died from a OD on shams. They were laughing and crying for what seemed like hours. I was extremely terrified. I would live in that hell forever.
3:30 I pass out
4:00 I wake up, look at the clock, and smile. I'm still hallucinating, but I feel GREAT. I don't move much, just shift and writhe in bed. I poder what happened earlier, and laugh at how silly my thinking was. My lights are on, so obviously someone checked in on me when I was asleep, not tripping. For 4 hours I lay there and enjoy every moment, every thought, every visual I get. I got 3 visuals...some cracks in my door became a smiley face that was my best friend for the time I was in there, my dresser rotated and would change size/texture, and my eminem poster was outlined in black marker, and aappeared to be inches from my face, instead of 10 feet!
7:30 - 8:00 Finally the trip started wearing off well wnough that I could walk again, and I had most control back over basic motor functions. I sat in my desk chair, enjoying mild visuals and thinking about life, and how to live it better. I came up with some good theories, but can only vaguely remember them.
8:30 My bro came down, asking me if I was ok and when he found out I was, bugged me for crying like a baby. I decided to scrape my pipe, but I just sat there staring blankly with the tools, knowing I have to do it, but busy thinking philosophy. It took about 20 minutes to lift my pin, and I just said "forget it" after he waited so patiently.
9:00+ Had some food, but I was able to act all shroomy upstairs because my dad was asleep on the couch. It felt good to know I'd died and come back. Around 10, I went bck to the garage, happy as can be, to scrounge for pot on the table, and pondered that the best I can do for my current situations in life is to look for the positive in everything, be non-judgemental, and to be extra "bright" around people who are angry or hateful, because you are a bright lightbulb, and they are the dark in a room. You glow "brightly" and darkness can't touch you, and the darkness itself becomes light.
Trip occured late October 2002