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Out of Control

Where to start.

Where to start... It all began when I was bored one evening. I decided to shroom since there was nothing else to do, and no one around. This usually isn't the best reason to take them. I try to always get away from the city when I dose, but seeing as you either have to camp, or drive back, my dosages usually stay pretty low. Even when I've tried to trip hard I have only gotten to a mid 2 level. Not this time. I brewed some tea with syrian rue seeds, and picked out 10 good size caps from my stash (thanks to the "simple cubensis growing technique"). I ate all the caps with some honey (one of the few things that will actually prevent me from gagging on them).

About five minutes later I for some reason thought that I hadn't made the rue tea potent enough, so I brewed some more. Just as I was sitting down to drink the second cup, I noticed I was sky high. I decided it would be a good idea to lay down, so I did. I had a few very slight CEVs, nothing major, but certainly alot for only being 10 minutes into the trip. When I opened my eyes again (I suppose another 5 minutes had gone by), the room was flashing. Everything started to come apart. The tiles on the bathroom floor started to move, the carpet became alive, and there were interferance lines everywhere. I decided to go up onto the roof (there's a great view of downtown seattle from the top of my building). It was slighly foggy, so you could only see the lights from the buildings, not there outlines or anything else. The weather was CRAZY. The clouds would shift from one part of the sky, and then back again over the course of a few seconds.

Everything all of a sudden everything became very difficult to look at. In fact, it was almost painful to keep my eyes open. Windows of the nearby buildings were morphing into each other, and the radio towers in the distance would flash there beacons at highly unusual rates (time distortion). Everything was getting rather intense and eerie. I started to think about a number of situations at work and with other people, I'd been in over the last few days, and everything seemed to make complete sense. Everything. At the same time though, my vision and hearing (not to mention mind) were flying apart at high speed. I decided I'd better make it back down the fire escape ladder before everything got to intense.

Upon entering the main hallway, everything got VERY wierd. The end of the hallway would appear to be 3 feet in front of my, and then be a mile away a second later. All of the doors in the hallway were also shifting places along the length of the hallway. An indeterminate amount of time later I made it back to my apartment.

Checking the clock I was shocked to see that it had only been about 40 minutes. This was rather scary considering I was already at level three. The apartment was CRAZY. I had a green lamp in the corner. It was chaning colors in between yellow and blueish green color. Everything was melting. Nothing stood still for more than a quarter of a second. As soon as I would look over, whatever I was looking at would instantly melt. I'd tripped this hard on acid before, but even though the high tends to be more intense, the pace at which is happens is so gradual as to be managable. Not with this trip. The shrooms were continuing to hit harder and harder with each passing second.

I decided it would be a good idea to put on some music. I wasn't in the mood for mellow music, so I put on the chemical brother's "surrender". Upon closing my eyes the music was incredible. Each sound seemed to have motion attached to it. One set of insturments was a circular motion that squeaked, another a string of energy vibrating. By the time the third track came on the music was getting very distorted. The third track was appropriately named "out of control". About half way through the track, the visuals associated with the music became WAY to intense, and I had to turn it off.

This is when everything becomes a complete blur. I only remember two more "scenes" from the trip. I remember looking down at a digital clock, and the numbers were flying everywhere out of it. That didn't scare me. What scared me was the fact that the : sign would flash not at all for a few seconds, and then flash 5-10 times VERY fast. Time was definitely out of control. The very last thing I can remember was thinking that I was losing my mind (and I was). It was only about an hour and a half after dosing, and everything was coming apart at the seams. It wasn't what I was seeing that was scary, it was what I was and WASN'T thinking. I suddenly lost my grip of what the room looked like, what I looked like, what english was, what life was. Nothing made ANY sense. At this point my brain had pretty much shut off. The only way to describe the feeling was that it was worse, and scarier than death. I've never been dead, but I suppose when you die; you experience nothing. In this state, you experience a complete void in your head where nothing makes sense. Not time, not your thoughts, not your hearing, not your vision. Not ANYTHING. I can't explain how terrifying this was. I remember experiencing this for a few minutes, however at some point, I lost everything. The next thing I knew, it was 2 in the morning (the clock incident happened at 10:02 [I'll never forget the way those numbers looked]), and I was naked, in bed, covered in sweat, but the room was cold. I was tripping mildly, but everything had seemed to come back to normal. The music soundly only midly distorted, and I could actually see without getting tunnel vision.

I have no clue what happened during the 3-4 hours I blacked out. I obviously must have taken my clothes, off, but other than that it's a mystery. I have a vauge feeling my eyes were open the entire time, but the experience was so disorienting, it's tough to say. Up until the point that I had to turn the music off I would call the experience "amusing" at best. After that, only terrifying and confusing come to mind. I will probably take mushrooms again, although never at that dosage. All in all it was an experience I would not willingly repeat.

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