My trip, the talking hand, and the things he said.

Ok, so last night I decided to trip on shrooms for the second time in my life. I was disappointed by my first trip (45 grams fresh of my own grow) because the visuals were lousy and the peak which was short lived was the only decent part of the trip. This was three weeks ago.

Anyways, last night I pulled out my little box and grabbed a handful of dried shrooms and gobbled them down. I didn't bother to weigh them, I just ate a handful. The come-up wasn't slow and noticable like the first time. Quite the opposite, it just hit me all at once. My body felt as if it had a dull ache all over and my teeth even ached a bit. I found myself lying in bed... squirming, I guess is the word to use. Rubbing the top of my right foot up and down the back of my left calf as I lay there. I felt almost as if I were on the come-down of a long coke binge. Not a good experience, I assure you.

Everything annoyed me. My dog laying beside me annoyed me as he tried to nuzzle up next to me. The feeling of that 'fleshbag' as I called him at the time, felt gross against my skin. I reached out and touched him and was repulsed by the feel of his skin wrapped loosley around that package of meat and bodily fluids underneath. I only tell you this to show you the state of mind I was in at the time.

The 'body ache' as I've come to call it soon passed, or at least lessened to a degree so that it wasn't the most pressing issue on my mind anymore. Now, here's where it got really wierd. I soon felt as if I were sharing my existance with someone, something else in my head. I soon found myself having a conversation with this intruder who had taken on the form of a hand puppet. My hand. I was talking to my hand and it was talking back to me. And he was the biggest asshole I have ever met.

He not only spoke to me but to some other unseen entity that seemed to converse with him though I couldn't hear what it had to say. He pleaded with this unseen being saying that he did not approve nor take responsibility for my appearantly psychotic actions. As he plead his case, his dialog went something like this. Keep in mind he was talking to someone that I couldn't see and he was speaking about me. "Look at him, he's fucked. He's out of his god damned gord. Giggling and snickering like that. And for what?" Then he turns his head (my hand in the shape of a hand puppet) towards me and says aloud, "what's so fucking funny, stupid?" I realized none of this was real and that it was only the drugs and I could see myself acting this way, talking to my hand, distorting my face into impossible expressions through exhaustive use of facial muscles I didn't know I possessed, and squirming like a heroin addict in need of a fix, yet I was helpless to do anything to stop it.

Nor did I want to for that matter. I figured, this is the trip I was given and I'll play along and make the most of it. I went back and fourth in discussion with this newfound friend, my talking hand, for the better part of an hour. Mostly he did the talking telling me things like, "Stop acting so damned stupid. Look at yourself. You look like a fucking retard." I soon got bored of the trip and just snapped myself out of it. Sitting up in bed, looking around with eyes of clarity for the first time in 2 hours or so, I was in my right mind enough to realize that I had been disappointed yet again.

Yet again, had I experienced a trip that was nothing like I had expected. I read trip reports of people claiming to see a kaliedascope of colors and even some people making the statement that they spew color when they speak! Oh, how I'd love to see this but I suffer through the insanity only to see 2-dimensional paterns take on a 3-dimensional shape and the common 'breathing walls' visuals. Other than that, I never see anything amazing at all. I guess for me the trip is more of a trip into the mind where a madman is secretly jailed, tucked away in a dark corner wanting to be discovered and me wanting him left there, ignored and forgotten.

I will try again however. I will make my next trip outside and in the daylight. Possibly a walk in the woods. I'm anxious to see these woundrous open eyed visual hallucinations, that so many others have spoken so highly of. The hope of seeing these things is the main reason for my partaking of the psilocybin substance. Alone in silent darkness, as Terence Mckenna suggested, is not the way I wish to enjoy the mushroom experience. Alone, perhaps yes, but definately not in silent darkness. I think I'll bring along a walkman and a mix CD with me on my next trip as I walk through the woods chasing that elusive white rabbit as he hops along in his oversized tophat, waving his crooked wand and spreading cherry flavored colors so that those with the right eyes can hear them.

Feel free to call me a madman. I did afterall talk to my hand! But, I assure you I'm sane now that the drug has left the building. I'm feeling happy, normal, and right as rain. So, what do you think? Is this a different experience from the norm? Your advice and input is wanted, welcome, and dearly appreciated. And if you've made it this far, I thank you for your time spent trudging through this rabble and I eagerly await your input and possible insights. Thank you!