I ate 1/8 shrooms, and went back to my friend Troy's house-his parent's weren't there-to watch TV and trip. Troy, me and Sean sat around for maybe 3 or 4 hours, watching South Park. The trip kept coming on in waves, then leaving. I have bad allergies, and it felt like my whole head was stuffed up, all the way down through my throat and up into my temples, so when i swallowed, my whole head throbbed. I felt kind of depressed to be watching something as boring as South Park (which i love sober). At times, the ceiling would start swimming with patterns, the light bulb giving off crazy rainbow lights, then I would look back at the TV and the hallucinations would leave. We finally got bored and went into my friend's hot tub.
I started tripping a little harder once we got in there, I was doing flips underwater, holding my breath, and just getting absorbed in the patterns of bubbles, but i still had control of my mind. School was starting in two days, and I was feeling real depressed about the prospect of not having any time to myself. "I'm gonna miss this shit, man." I said, looking at Sean and Troy, and they nodded their heads-we were all thinking the same thing. Eventually Troy's brother came outside with 3 of his friends to talk to us, and ask if we wanted to smoke. We got out and started drying off, but i was wearing khakis, and they didn't dry off too well.
We went in and started watching the Roast of Pam anderson on comedy central. There wasn't much room for all of us, and the three of us trippers were crammed onto this little couch, my wet shorts dripping all over the place. It was really strange to be tripping and watching all these comedians just making fun of each other, I started thinking about how ridiculous celebrity culture is. A bunch of people have this huge production and hire all these comedians just to make fun of a sexy lady-with no talents whatsoever except being fuckable. I was thinking about how life would be so much better without hollywood, if people just communicated within their own groups, not projecting all their fascination on a bunch of plastic people a thousand miles away.
We finally got bored with that and went into Troy's bathroom to smoke some bowls. I got a couple of hits, the weed went around, then all of a sudden, i got a bad feeling in my stomach. I'd had this exact same feeling before, at a Sonic Youth concert when i was tripping, it was like this wave of cold sweat, then my whole skin started itching, till i felt like i had to get out of my skin. at the concert, i had managed to stumble outside and sit down on the pavement and get my bearings a little, but it came on way too fast this time. I felt this buzzing dizziness in my head, like when you get a head rush, and I turned to Troy and said, "Can I just lie down somewhere?" I was trying to keep my voice in control but inside I was panicking, because i could feel a heavy wave of something coming on. I reached for the doorknob, but my sense of perspective was totally fucked-I felt like I was in a Cubist painting, the door seemed at floor level, then at the ceiling, and the ground tilted backwards and I couldn't keep my feet, It felt like I was an ant in a cardboard box that a little kid was shaking. I could hear everyone yelling, going, "Ben, what are you doing man?" but I couldn't move my body, and when I came to I was lying on the floor in the TV room, with all these people around me.
"I just need to sit outside for a sec." I said, and got up to walk outside. Luckily, Troy was standing right next to me, because the ground heaved again and I fell into his arms, and he helped outside.
It felt really good to be outside with plenty of space, a cold breeze cooling me down. My perception was totally fucked up still, I looked to my left at a little beagle sitting there, then realized it was a shoe, then realized it was a 5-foot bench right next to me. Troy and Sean stood out there with me for a while, and I felt awful for fucking up their night so bad. I finally felt a little better, and went inside to lay down and just try and sleep.
While I was lying on the floor, I continued to trip nuts. I felt aware of every atom in my body, like i had just gotten new senses. I was hallucinating pretty bad with my eyes closed, seeing all sorts of fractals and spirals and lines swirling around, and I realized that they weren't just visuals, they were the programs in the mushrooms hacking into my brain. I realized that mushrooms, being a fungus, function as a fungus on you psyche- they infect your brain and start melding with your subconscious, giving you new mental abilities, but sapping away your humanity. I envisioned a shroomers subconscious with all these crazy growths coming out of it, like little programs that had been installed by the psilocybin. I realized that I had eaten enough shrooms in my life to be growing that mushroom psyche, and it scared the shit out of me. I imagined mushrooms taking my mind to an abstract level of existence, where my mind could connect with all the psychedelic thoughts of other trippers, where my ego ceased to exist because I was merged with the shroom consciousness.
I went to bed swearing to myself that I wouldn't do shrooms again, but here I am, 2 weeks later, reading trip reports on the shroomery. I'm really scared to trip again, because I bet that I'll probably pass out again, only next time it will be even worse. I guess my body chemistry just isn't right for shrooms.