Mental Oasis

At an outdoor weekend rave/campsite called oasis (that had lots of trouble with the cops), I decided to do some shrooms, the natural setting, the people around me, the fact I was sick of the cops giving us shit and the music where building up to make a wonderful experience. I had only done mushrooms a few times before, usually unpleasant experiences, overshadowed with fear. And never in an outside setting such as this. And I knew that a very little amount works on me, so I put about 1.5 grams in a cup of coffee and let it simmer then drank it around 7pm. It took about half an hour to feel the first effects.

I felt overwhelmed; so smart me smoked some weed, and took some effies ("legal" speed) and wandered off. After a while I went up to this big gravel pile overlooking the campsite and stared all around me. The walls of the valley that was surrounding us felt like they where breathing, they felt like they where dancing with the music that was coming from down bellow. I felt like a bird sitting up there seeing all the tents, cars and people. The hills where whispering things to me in time with the music. I felt like I could be part of the hills, like I could reach over and touch them and they would flow over my hands and into me. At one point I felt like I WAS part of the hills, my body no longer existed only the dancing hills. I then stared at the rocks around me, they where swirling into images, faces, hands, the sun, animals... I had sunk into the gravel pile, eaten alive by sharp pointy rocks. But I didn’t mind. I felt like I could live there for ever. In the back of my mind i noticed other people arrive, i noticed my bf arrive, i was happy to see him but felt like i was still IN the rocks... I then saw a huge flash.

While the sun was setting, a lightning storm had developed, the lightning was happening at both ends of the valley, surrounding us, I was thinking how wow, we are surrounded by such violent and beautiful forces and here, in the middle of no-where nature left us an oasis… how fitting. I thought I could catch the lightning in my hands and I tried to reach for it, but it was laughing at me and running away. I had a camera, I tried to take a picture of the lightning.. but ended up more fascinated by the camera then anything else. It was small and cold and metal. Looked like a water was rushing across it. It started raining. i didnt acctualy notice the rain. i didnt feel it, i asked my bf if it was raining. because i wasnt sure. I then got cold and wandered down to where the dj’s where playing.

I went to the nearest stage. I was scared of all the people around me but also wanting to talk to them, to be able to communicate with them. They seamed to be in another area of the visual world… fading in and out. Not really there… but the cars, trees, sky and ground where solid enough… as solid as things get when on mush ;). But the people were another story. So I left them alone. I felt like dancing but couldn’t. I watched this one girl dance, she was the only one in focus then, it was like there where musical notes carrying her entire body, waves of colour flew off her arms and legs melting into her clothes, blending in with the notes and beats of the song. I wished to be able to move like that. Freely. I felt like crying, I felt like I was going to have another bad mush trip… then I realized that what had cause previous bad trips on mush was my unwillingness to let myself go. That in order to have a good time and learn from this moment I would need to reconcile my need to move and my fear of moving. i would regret the night if i let myself be overwhelmed with negative thoughts.

Time lost all real meaning after that… I don’t know the order of anything, I felt like I was in a movie… being fast forwarded and paused and rewound. I walked around the dark road near the camp site, watched the campfires, had to face the porta potties to pee (now THATS the makings of a bad trip right there) and I had a conversation with a bush. The bush was mad at me for waking it up, but I told it should be glad that someone was taking time to see how it was doing. I told it was ungrateful. Then it was nice to me after that, having a good conversation about the tree's laughing at it for being a bush. I told it i hoped it felt better for having shared that. i remeber talking to some friends at random moments in the night, about flashlights, and music, and fires, and bikers. There where moments of mental clarity where i could communicate with people, and things seamed normal then boom, once again, i couldnt see people clearly, only objects, and id go dance.

After a while I found my way back to my van and lay down next to my bf who was tripping on his own shrooms. And we listened to the two songs coming from the two dj areas. They where different songs, different genres of music, creating a cacophony of sounds… I struggled to make them fit together to force them to fit… when suddenly a train passed on the train tracks near the camp site and the clacking of the train made me see a link between the two songs.. it was so obvious… then every noise I heard from the dogs barking, people talking, to me and my bf’s breathing was part of the music.

It became clear to me how two highly different things can meld easily into one amazing object if you can just find the key. I realized I had to do that with my own mind or id have another bad trip. I knew I had to steer the trip into a good direction. So I did… I then had a weird conversation with my bf about the stars being out… And I don’t know how loud our voices where. But I said “The stars are out!” and I heard it echoed on every persons lips, and in the songs, and it kept getting repeated over and over again. I felt like I was in a tunnel, staring at the far away camp-fire listening to this one phrase echoed in my thoughts.

After that I just wanted to dance. I didnt want to deal with people. I was in such a anti-social mood. I danced to the most amazing breaks, jungle and weird ambient. I closed me eyes and danced in the field, letting my mind into the music, not falling over, I felt like I was dancing all alone in a dessert. Letting the music create whole worlds in my mind, giant castles studded with stars. I couldn’t figure out if I had my eyes open or closed anymore, I saw stars everywhere. I saw shooting stars in the sky, and on the ground. I then found myself at the other dj area, under a giant tree strung with lights. The tree was dancing. It was allowing us to play under its branches and joining us in our adventures. Couldn’t figure out if I STILL had my eyes closed or not...

I then nibbled on another half gram of mush that was in my pocket. And kept dancing. I felt invisible but part of a whole. My mind was ripped into two pieces for the whole night… but instead of fighting to put it back together I just observed what I was thinking... and let my thoughts get united by the music, that was the key. Contradictory thoughts could exist in my mind at the same time without me needing to force them to fit. As I was coming down me and a friend went to the gravel pile to watch the sun rise... She then told me a story about unicorns, lions, the sun and the moon. The battle they wage every day and every night. Yet neither can exist with out the other. A rather fitting end to the night. I then went to sleep in the van because I was so tired mentally and physically.

That trip changed my mental focus slightly. Shifted it because I allowed myself to learn from this experience instead of just ‘getting fucked up’ (though thats fun as well :) or trying to force the trip. The thoughts I had that night are still in my brain. hehe it was an amazing night. That’s all. Thanks for reading.