Legal Insanity

Before I begin, let me give you some background information. I had tripped a couple of times before, but only to about a level two. My roomate, Moon, had never tripped before, but was very anxious and excited about it. Sun had tripped once in eight grade, but did not remember much about it and admitted it probably wasn't that much. We all smoke weed, some more than others (Moon), and we all drink. Sun is very hyperactive, kind of the leader of the group, with his excellent people skills. He is however very cool and not an asshole at all. I am the lover, the romantic. I love punk rock and am always acting up, always have very weird thoughts and express myself in the weirdest ways. I am the crazy weirdo, but hold certain things in a high respect. Moon is somewhat quiet, you can tell he's a thinker. He is in touch with his childhood, maybe a bit too much, likes hip-hop, is pretty funny, and an overall good guy.

We had planned this for weeks, and decided Friday would be the perfect time to do it. It was kind of cold, but the sky completely cleared up and Sun and I watched the bright yellow-orange sunset as we waited for Moon to come back. We all sat down one the ground and munched them with some chocolate, crackers, juice, soda and the like. It was pretty disgusting, but somehow we managed to get them down. I had previous experience eating them so I naturally ate the most. Moon finished his part, Sun left some.

We were eating them kind of slowly, and by the time we were done eating we could already start feeling the blast off. It was around five p.m. Anxiety gripped us. We went outside and hung around. We went out onto the lake and I could feel it starting to hit. We went out onto our little dock and I could feel it EXTEND out onto the water. That's when I knew it was time to get the fuck off and get back in the house.

We were listening to a trip mix we had put together, and I was laying on the couch just mellowing out, letting it take me in. Sun was super hyperactive, always moving around and talking really fast. Moon was sitting on the bed, just talking about what was going on. I just remember the music and Sun and Moon talking and telling me things. At some point I crossed a line after which I was playing with my blanket. I kept shifting around the couch, squirming around and throwing the blanket all around my body. It was fuzzy and warm and it felt good against my skin. At one point I remember throwing it around in circles. I did not feel like talking or moving around too much, but I remember I felt good. I wound up laying on the floor with the blanket under my face laughing hysterically for probably around fifteen minutes. I was squirming like a fucking worm.

Moon was like "get the fuck off the floor, man! What are you doing??" I replied: "I'm comfortable! *giggle* Sun said: "He's shrooming, if he's comfortable, you gotta let him be comfortable." I just said "yeah" and giggled some more. At this point the trip kept rising, but it was still within my control for the most part. Sun and Moon were walking in and out, but I was confined to the couch. It was ok, because I felt good there. Sun came in and said that Moon was talking to our RA, which freaked me the fuck out. When I heard that the RA was coming, I got scared shitless. We were tripping our fucking balls off. I sat down on the couch and stared straight ahead at the tv, motionless. I didn't say anything because I knew I would give myself away. He just kind of looked at us, said "What's up", and left. That scared us all, but we breathed a sigh of relief when he left.

At this point, Sun and Moon decided to play Bond, just to see what it would be like. I said "alright, I'm in", and grabbed a controller. When Moon could not get past the main menu, a very sluggish feeling overwhelmed me. I wanted to lie down and just go to sleep. It was, as Sun put it, a "sensory overload"... I could not handle it. I got up and said "I think I want to go to sleep." This kind of concerned my friends, but they kept playing the videogame, even though they did not know what the hell was going on. I layed on my bed and slipped into my own personal insanity. With every moment, it creeped up on my mind like a disease. I could not escape it. I had to go through with it. My friends knew something was wrong, I started sweating and "looked like shit". After a while, I began pacing back and forth, saying "I'm going crazy. I'm going crazy." It did not help that Sun kept saying: "it's only seven o'clock!" I was like "Fuck! It seemed like we've been here all night!" They left me alone to thrash around the room and tell myself just how fucking insane I was. This lasted for about an hour or so, maybe more. It really sucked. I saw myself, humanity, and everything else as a blossoming mushroom. I saw the world, the universe, the stars, everything. I understood everything without being able to say a word. Binary code made perfect sense to me, which was the Universe going back to its simplest order, 1,0,1,0. The big crunch, but not in a violent way. I understood life and "death", and realized there was no such thing as death, that I will always be concious, even after death, because I am part of the same Tree Of Life. That everything is concious, but the same time, but it was THE SAME CONCIOUSNESS! I was part of Everything, yet my Conciousness only allowed me to distinguish my own mind. I had a complete loss of Ego, Time, Senses, Reality. I saw a fetus and a star, just like in what was it, the movie 2001? I already had known that it was one and the same, but it just made so much more sense. This was easily the peak of the trip. I had submerged into beyond reality. I kept saying to myself, "this is not reality." I kind of knew that if I put a gun to my head, it wouldn't matter because there was no such things as Death. Death was laughable. Of course, I knew that I was tripping, and said to myself "that would be bad, mmkay?" I was not suicidal, but rather Death was meaningless to me. So after a while of laying on the couch and thrashing about trying to rid myself of these insane things, I kind of started to come down, but it was nowhere near mellow. It was at this point that the trip got REALLY REALLY REALLY fucking good.

It was as if the mushroom had to show me these things, and my feeble mind had a hard time grasping it, yet when I got it, I felt this huge sense of relief and could enjoy myself At this point, ALL of my senses had blended into one super-sense, and while this was a bit frightening, I could enjoy it with relative ease. Time kept coming it and out, and all of my thoughts were blended together. I was experiencing everything at once. I could not realize what month it was, I did not know if I had just seen the Matrix the other day (i did), I could not realize whether I had a family, or if I was ABOUT to have a family, which was the weirdest thing. It was as if my past, present, and future had just been put in a blender and put on HIGH. All my thoughts were swirling, and the room was doing some crazy shit. I definitely had insane visuals, but it was very natural. It was as if the room was SUPPOSED to be in a wave. After a while, I began chanting "mescaline, peyote, acid, mushrooms, LSD..." over and over again, and I had no idea which one I had taken. I kind of "felt" that I had done mushrooms, but knew that it did not matter because my reality was so gone. This is when I realized "so, this is what people mean when they say they experienced loss of reality". It was a feeling unlike any other, and it cannot be put into human words. By this time, my friends had realized that I had mellowed out, so they joined me in the room. We were all tripping really hard (me, the hardest), and we all had insane visuals. I started my own language, and could not grasp the fact that I had been brought up with a different language. Language had absolutely no meaning. When I tried to talk, I could only mumble words that did not exist. Sun told me that I was talking but not saying any human words. It was an incredible and insane experience.

I was looking at the pictures on the wall and the flag up, and I noticed all the colors, and did my pattern thing again. I could talk by this point, and started saying "red, white, blue, silver, black, orange" over and over again. I was talking about my other friends and something about fucking. It came out like "I'm going to fuck John and Tim", which was crazy. I was thinking about them because I saw their picture, but I was also thinking about sex because at this point I was concious of my dick and was thinking about sex with females. I had no desire, but I was just thinking about it. I thought about a lot of things, but they were all melting. We were all sitting there, saying to ourselves "did this happen? are we tripping? What did we do? Are we here? Do we exist? How long have we been here? What just happened? Things like that. I was still unsure whether I existed or not. It was such a new, fresh, incredible feeling. After a while, I was able to get up and went to another room. We were going out!! I was excited. We went out and walked to a house party. I had no idea why or where, but was excited at the spontenaity of the situation. The whole time we were talking, I could not grasp the situation too well, and thoughts were melding into each other. When we got there, there were lots of people, blacklights, loud music, but I felt good because I was with my friends and I knew they were feeling it too. I saw a girl I really like, and I'm pretty sure she looked at me and waved, but I think I just stared across and did not do anything. I regret this more than anything the whole night. Today I'm probably going to go talk to her and tell her what happened and ask her if she wants to go out with us tonight. I hope I can muster enough balls to do it. After we left the party (which was quickly because they weren't feeling it), I started coming down pretty well. They had come down for the most part, but I was still in la-la land for another good half an hour. I did not write much about what they were doing, simply because my trip was so isolated from them for the most part. I mean, we did interact, but I was "in my own world", as they put it afterwards. They said that they're glad they did not see what I saw. Heh. No regrets for me, I had a blast and a half. They had a really really good time too, but spend a good deal with each other while my insanity took over temporarily.

I learned a good deal of things, mainly that hard trips are the most amazing trips of all, even if you have to go through some scary/insane shit to reach it. In my opinion, it was well worth it, kind of like working hard for your money and enjoying the friuts of your labor. Everyone is very satisfied with the situation, and we feel closer bonded, yet a little more seperated from the rest of the world. Like we shared something they might never know.

A good thing Sun said during the course of the night was something about how he feels at some moment is how his parents, and my parents and Moon's parents felt during the course of their lives, and that we ARE our parents, we are just another branch of them. I thought this was very wise. I had the time of my life, and even though I would not recommend if to everyone, I can say it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I was happy I was with such good people. I was happy I was in a safe, good, beautiful environment, and I am happy that we made ourselves feel good and shared our experiences with each other, during the trip, and for a long time afterwards.