(*Note: This is a very long report but i found the experience so profound that i have no desire to censor it or myself) The first time i took magic mushrooms, i was after starting college and was just getting in to drugs.
(*Note: This is a very long report but i found the experience so profound that i have no desire to censor it or myself)
The first time i took magic mushrooms, i was after starting college and was just getting in to drugs. My best friend in the student apartments i was living in, we'l call him D, was a big stoner and i quickly went from being mildly anti drug to mildly addicted to drugs, in the space of a month(!). One night, he took Thai mushrooms and truffles with some of his other friends, had way too much and started freaking out on a really bad trip (I'm talking devils flying out of walls and monsters jumping of of ditches, he even considered suicide as a way to make it stop. One guy who was there and took 30-40 grams fresh went totally out of his mind and hasint been the same since apparently).
D told me this story the next day and i felt horrified...but strangly compelled. He told me it was the most terrifying experience of his life but he couldnt wait to do them again, so we decided we would do them together after he had recovered.
Here in Ireland, we are lucky because mushrooms are legal to sell and buy and there are two shops in dublin where you can buy them fresh! So, in mid November 2005 i stopped by a shop on my way home from college and picked some up, 30 g of fresh mexican cubensis.
i didnt feel ready and was apprehensive after the stories he told me, but my philosophy in life is just to dive in and rise to the occasion as it unfolds.
It was a monday and i intended to do them with him on thursday so we could take friday off to recover, but easily influenced person that i am he talked me into doing them that night (Fuckhead :P).
He had talked about it so much that i was full of excitement and gave in, i couldnt wait to shroom.
Would it be scary, happy, mindblowing? Would i go permenantly insane, like a lad from the next village beside mine had back at my homeplace? Granted he wasint all there to begin with but all these thoughts were racing through my head as i downed my first mug of shroom tea at about 11 o clock that night.
We put 15g of material in the pot and brewed it, drank it and after half an hour felt nothing. Me and D were afraid that after all this buildup nothing would happen, so we split the soggy mushroom crap at the bottom of the pot and the other half that was left. We ate it all down and i personally thought it tasted ok, i didnt mind the taste at all.
We went into my room and listened to some Nine Inch Nails. D said he liked it in there because it was nice and calm, pretty dim and reminded him of the colour blue.
We were impaitent waiting for something so i whipped out some weed he had gotten me the week before. It was really good stuff, it had a nice buzz. In Ireland, solid hash is prevalent and weed is hard to come by, it comes from nigerian immigrants or is homegrown in some guys wardrobe mainly. At about midnight we were already pretty stoned, thats when the mushrooms started kicking in. I felt something alongside the hash but i wasint sure what it was.
D said this part was like a rollercoaster. First it slowly rises and rises, until it reaches a peak and pauses for a split second before plunging into the madness.
In the rising phase, D was making me nervous, saying this is what happened the last time he took them and he was afraid what this was going to be too crazy when it hit. I really didnt need this kind of shit but we came to the conclusion that if we let ourselves become afraid of a bad trip we would probably just cause what we trying to avoid, to counteract this i started thinking happy thoughts.
It seemed to be getting stronger by the minute. I knew there was no escape when i started to audio-trip, we were listening to Sepultura when i started hearing boing-ing and flanging noises in the music...
J: "Dude, did you hear that crazy shit?! Wow!"
D: "Yea Man, crazy!"
I think he was humouring me, i was starting to freak him with weird behavour, doing crazy shit i would never do when sober. He caught me staring at his hair, which i saw turning different shades of purple. I could tell i was scaring him, he suggested we go into the kitchen away from the music.
This is when we noticed out pupils were huge, we could tell that we were standing on the edge...
D starts getting really nervouse, because of me or because he was burned before i dont know. He gets up to go home (he lives just up the stairs) and starts making his excuses, just as it starts hitting me for real, at this stage i feel really weird and cant stand and can barely focus on him or hear him, its like i'm down a well and he looking in at me. His last words to me were "Please dont do anything too extreme!".
As he goes out the door he says to one of my roommates(a guy who never drinks or smokes and definatly does not approve of drugs) to keep an eye on me in case i hurt myself or others, and not to ring the cops if anything bad happens. He thinks i cant hear him. I try to laugh but cant, i'm lying on the couch with my head lolling on my chest, my whole body feels kile its being electrocuted.
The roommate, E, comes into the kitchen. he has a look of great concern, i must look totally fucked up. He askes me if i'm ok but i can only groan, with great effort i tell him to fuck off to bed, he's staring at me and freaking me out (now i know why D ran!). I struggle to keep my eyes open because i'm seeing mad shit in front of me:
The black leather couch across from me is flashing neon green and orange zebra patterns, Cig packets and army ants are zipping cross the walls.
I have the muchies bad from the weed so i pick up a whole loaf of soda bread and start biting chunks out of it. All of a sudden, the bread in my hand looks like it is made up of hundreds of tiny skulls, writhing on tiny stalks and screaming in agony! "Please dont eat us!" they scream, they wont stop fucking screaming! I feel myself going insane from the noise, it is so loud my head is vibrating and tears stream out of my eyes.
"Ok, just please stop fucking screaming!" i try to say, it probably just sounded like "Uggghhh..." to anyone who could hear what was going on. I fling the loaf to the other side of the kitchen. It is half one and i'm in very, very deep.
This is when one of the most profound experiences i have ever known hit me. I'm not a religious person but i've always had a spiritual side and strong belief in a higher power which i rediscovered in my battles with depression through my earlier years. To me, god just represents everything that is good in the world and that was always there for me when i felt overwhelmed.
If ever i needed that, if was now! This thought cut through the raging insanity of my brain and came to the forefront of my mind. I thought "Please help me God, I'm really fucked up!" Suddenly i felt myself and the chair i was lying on shoot up into the air at great speed. The wicker breadbasket was sitting on my lap, it is as light as a leaf but i could feel it exerting massive G forces on my lap as i rocketed into the sky. It felt as though a huge strong hand had scooped me up from earth, i never felt so safe. Eventually it stopped and i could see a base layer blue-tinged clouds above me, with the arm of that hand extending down through a hole in the clouds. I felt calmness envlope my whole being, and I knew this was god.
"Thank you so much!" i said. God spoke and said "Dont worry, you will be ok". Its like i felt through my body what he said more than heard it with my ears. This slowly faded and i was back in the kitchen, filled with calm and serenity. I started to enjoy the trip immensely, most of what happened after this event is a blur and i can only recall fragments, Walls were rippling in time with music and pictures were coming to life.
There is an abstract painting in my kitchen which i always though represented a kitchen, ironically. This painting came to life in a big way, when i focused on it, the curtains blew inwards and the air that hit me way the freshest, cleanest air that never entered my lungs.
i tried some different music to different effect; Sigur Ros helped me appreciate the beautiful sadness of creation and Irish folk music made me intensely happy.
At about 3 o clock the peak started wearing off and i instantly fell asleep, exausted and exilhirated.
The next day D came back and apologised for pussying out, but he had a crazy trip too and had to be alone because it was too much. It was probably a good thing cuz i nearly went totally psycho when he was there, my roommates would have found us dead in the morning on the kitchen floor with our hands locked around each others throats!
All in all, one of the most amazing experiences of my life. After shrooms, weed and drink just seemed like a load of bollocks to me.