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I Don't Understand

After returning from a family trip to MA, with my parents still there and away until Sunday morning, I decide to trip.



After returning from a family trip to MA, with my parents still there and away until Sunday morning, I decide to trip. I measure out 3.5g of PF homegrown Psilocybe cubensis, and put it in a zip lock back with a spoonfull of penutbutter and walk over to my friend's house (M). The most I have eaten before was 3g, so I expect something a little more intense. We are planning to go see The Water Boy because another friend (C)has some free movie passes or something.
I get over there and another friend (E) is there playing video games. At 7:30 I go to the bathroom and eat my mushrooms with the penutbutter. These 3 friends do not know that I trip, and I didn't tell them either. So I come back downstairs and we decid to go get some dinner. M drives us to a local pizza place and we order and sit down and watch The Simpsosn while we wait. After The Simpsons, the pizza arrives and I begin to feel the anticipation of the trip comming on. I begin to nibble at my slice and finish about half before I am completely engrossed in the trip. It started when if I sat still watch Cops on the TV, everything would become completely silent, I couldn't hear any conversations in the room except for the TV and my body felt a sort of presence, like I was posessed (not bad) and at any moment my body was going to jump into involuntary action. This feeling wasn't unplesant, but I was a little concerned because I didn't want my friends to realize I was tripping. I was able to combat this feeling by moving. So I kept my legs twitching (something I often do anyway). My ego then started to seperate (as has happened before, so I'm used to it). When my friends talk to me, I am very careful to respond thoughtfully. Because my ego is seperating this becomes quite difficult. When I try to say something, it is very hard to start talking coherently, but once I get going, I have no problem. This is interesting, so whenever I speak I leap into conversation trying to eliminate this lag in speach ability. My friends don't think anything of it, but I keep getting strange looks from E throughout the night, I think he knew something was up, but it didn't worry me. So I'm sitting, watching cops, keeping moving, trying to talk, and then motor skills begin to fail. I can't pick up my pizza and take a bite smoothly. I feel very disasociated with my body. It feels like an out of body experience (I've never had one), but I am conscious that my mind is still in my body- Hard to describe. So speaking and moving is very tough, but not a problem, and I'm not worried about it. Somewhere around here I start getting mild muscle spasms... Very mild, but annoying none the less. I unconsciously clench my jaw to stop it from chattering, and I feel very cold (like when you shiver uncontrollably) but my skin feels very hot. I take off my socks (I am wearing sandals), nothing unusual.
And then the visuals and hallucinations start. As I watch Cops, the cealing begins to move. It is a drop cealing made of foam/cardboard looking white tiles (big, like 2x2 feet). As I look at them closer, they are pulsing various colors (purple and green) and the perimiter of each tile is rotating like a conveyor belt. Very cool. The shadows on the wall begin to dance around in vague blob patterns and the overhead lights create shadows on the table and around me that seem to be hugging me.
I begin to hear/feel the presence of people behind us, but they have left already. I am watching the tv, and see these baseball sized balls (but not baseballs) strung on a string stretching from the TV out the door behind me. I follow the string from the TV and when I turn around to see where it goes, there is a person hanging from the ceiling behind be (like from a noose). Suddenly I get the feeling that this is the person I felt behind me before. This was a hallucination, but the whole time I knew it was fake. It didn't REALLY look like a person, but more gave me the feeling that it was a person- if that makes any sense. So my friends finish up dinner and we are ready to go. I put my socks on and get up to leave. I have a hard time controlling my body to pick up my trash, but I do, and I get it to the trash can. While walking out, it feels like a dream, the walls are breathing (typical stuff) and the floor is like walking on water, making it hard to keep my balance. I do a pretty good job getting out and into the car. Sitting in the car I begin to feel that everything will be ok in the future. I feel that movement is uncomfortable, so once we get back to his house to watch TV it will be ok. Driving back I have trouble buckling my seatbelt. It took a minute as I tried to be inconspicuous, looking out the window as I felt for the slot to insert it with one hand while trying to do so with the other. Nobody noticed. Finally got it buckled and we got home.
M's dad was outside when we arrived. I got out of the car no problem and he started taling to me. I was pretty sober feeling at the time for a moment and did fine in the conversation. We got downstairs (I had trouble balancing on the stairs) and started to watch TV. I sat on the couch enjoying my surroundings. All the wood around was flowing like rivers, the wallpaper was dancing, and different things on TV were pretty cool.
Whenever I trip and watch TV, the images turn into animated lightbrite images. They begin to be composed of small pegs. It is a pretty cool effect (maybe because of the pixels on the TV). The lights in the room are dim and I feel 'yellow' as the whole room takes on that glow. The couch is leather and as time goes on I sind lower into it (as often happens sober) but I begin to feel like I'm slowly melting into the floor. This was neat. Well, time to go to the movie. I make it up to the car and have trouble with the seatbelt again.
While M drives, every light or reflection on the side of the road become a person standing in the road. As we drive closer, they run to the side of the road and into the woods, leaving just a reflector or streetlight. I feel very sensative to all the bumps in the road too as we bounce along. We get to the theatre and get in line for C to use his pass and get out tickets. I have to go to the bathroom but I can hold it until I get home. In line, I can hear EVERYBODY's conversations who I can see. I can hear people a hundred feet away talking to eachother. And I can controll who I hear by looking at them. I stop this, because I figure it is rude to look at other people and listen to their conversations. Just then a movie lets out (I guess a few movies let out) because a LOT of people come pouring out. I feel that I've never seen this many people exit a movie before. We get inside, I follow my friends into the theatre and we sit down.
The movie starts (and if you've seen it, it is quite weird) and I begin to watch. Since the theatre is really dark, and the screen is colorful, it creates a cool sensation because the colors are really bright. After a while, I begin to feel that it is not a movie, but a hole in the wall with real people acting it out. In the back of my mind I know it is a movie, but my vision creates such real images on the screen (of the actual movie) that it looses its 'movie' characteristic. All the faces in the movie are all distorted, their noses are pushed into their heads and almost touching the back of their head on the inside.
I won't ruin the movie if you haven't seen it, but there is a lot of face morphing (in the movie) and I liked this. Anyway, now for the bad part of the trip. Throughout the whole movie, I keept getting these weird feelings that, in my current intoxicated state, I couldn't understand anything. It wasn't that I couldn't understand the movie (although I didn't 'get' a lot of it just because I was so distracted). My brain was so overloaded (overstimulated) that I couldn't understand why I 'want' to see this movie. I couldn't understand humor (although some parts of the movie were funny to me) and didn't understand why people go to see funny movies. I also couldn't understand WHY I wanted to go to college (I'm a senior and just applied) and how I ever WANTED anything. However, on top of this, I KNEW that my lack of understanding was because of the mushrooms, and that when the wore off, which I knew they would, I WOULD want to go to college, and I WOULD want to see funny movies, and I WOULD understand things again. I kept asking myself if this was a bad trip, and assured myself that I could wait and figure it out later after I was sober. I wasn't worried, just very curious.
I also kept thinking about what it meant to be alive. This went along with my questiniong of my true desires (college and such) in life. These thoughts were unplesant too, because they just led me back to not being able to understand anything. This idea of understanding things really annoyied me throughout the movie. I couldn't forget it and just watch the movie, because to do so meant to understand why I wanted to watch the movie. This was VERY unplesant, but not scary or bad, just really annoying. Towards the end of the movie I was still at a level 3, and as soon as I steped out of the theatre, I dropped to a very low level 2/1. In the car ride home I got a grip on reality and had a plesant rest of the trip, pretty normal, and I was even able to fall asleep fairly quickly by 2 in the morning. I would call this a 'bad trip' but I would say that I handled it very well, by knowing I was tripping, knowing it WOULD end, just waiting it out and staying calm. I was never scared, and nothing bad or disturbing happened, I was just uncomfortable throughout the movie, so I didn't enjoy it that much. Also, I couldn't believe how FAKE Adam Sandler seemed with his acting. After the movie, I found out that my friends agreed with me on this and they didn't really like the movie either.
I think that being around people that I didn't want to know I was tripping wasn't too much of a problem. It made me more aware that I need to stay under controll, and simply prevented me from truly letting the trip flow, but this wasn't bad (I don't think). Maybe since the movie wasn't good, it threw me into the 'I can't understand comedy, and how this is funny' because it wasn't! I don't know, and probably never will, but this did teach me the power of mushrooms, and I look foward to my next trip none-the-less!

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