I descovered Him.

Ok, this wasn't my first trip on shrooms, but this was absolutely the worst thing and the best thing that I've ever experienced.

There were three of us in it this time, and two other "sane" friends. One girl and four guys...we had decided on this trip to be a well organized trip. We drove out to a wide open field used to grow cotton, but it's outta season, so it was completely empty. There was beautiful scenery all around us. I noticed this even before I took the shrooms.

The field seemed endless...the sun was going down and it would be dark in say, an hour or so...distant light towers beckoned in the background. I admired my Pink Floyd shirt and checked the time.

It was 5:30 or so when we ate the mushroomz, maybe 6:00. The girl there had told us that eating the shrooms would make her gag, but it was the only way we'd get a good trip from it all. So, my companion and I chowed down while we watched her nibble a bit here and there. I had maybe a 5 gram dose, my friend a 5 or so, and the girl maybe 2. We brough a guitar out to enjoy the peace. My best friend was there to guide me through this. His bro, I would soon find out, would become another great friend..he was there to watch over us too.

I'd say 15 or 20 minutes later, my friend and I started feeling the effects. We were laughing away having a great time. He was playing the guitar and I was chilling smoking a cigarette. The girl didn't seem to feel anything just yet, but we were on the verge of one of the most horrific, but inspirational nights of my life.

The sun slowly laid itself to sleep, leaving a beautiful trail of purple, deep blue, and deep red clouds behind. I had begun this "trip". I noticed the ground really had no meaning to me anymore. A huge, erie, wrecked silo stood behind us, gleaming down on the crew of us, as if it were watching us, in shame. My best friend had grabbed the guitar and had wandered out into the fields a couple hundred yards. I made a trek to find him.

I walked across the rows, wondering why they had come for me. I could see a distinct figure in the distance and tried to make it out. Then came the yelling and screaming and I found this omnious figure charging me with what seemed to be a humongous battle ax,...yet, it was only my friend with the guitar. We talked and began to walk back to the point of refuge,..my Honda Accord. Everybody else was gathered around it. My friend's bro and the girl sat on the hood of my car and stared into the sky talking about EVERYTHING. I took it upon myself to walk around and see what I could see.
The ground seemed to have a kaliediscope effect on me. Dizzyness set in and I saw a little green man run up and tug on my blue jeans. I told him to go away and I thought about my dad. He's abusive and I thought about what he'd think if he knew what I was doing....or what he'd DO if he knew. So I decided to go back to the car.

I found my way back and saw my friends in the car listening to some music. I stood around and talked to the two on the hood and when my friend got outta the car, I climbed aboard for the peak and the ride of my life. *Not in the literal sense*

My friend, Mark, and I sat inside the car listening to various types of music...Limp Bizkit, Korn....and a few others...You'd be astounded by the effect music has on a person tripping on shrooms. Notes flurried through my head clearly. I felt a sense of understanding the music...I could feel it. Mark and I had a conversation unlike any other. We didn't understand what was happening to our bodies, but the things influencing our bodies we could completely explain to Eistein if he were there.

We laughed and talked and had the perfect trip in my car. Everybody was getting along the best! Then, came the fatal words..."Let's go to his house!" We all said ok and climbed in the car. My friend's bro was driving. He climbed in and turned the key. No avail. He turned it again...no sound...the lights on my dashboard dimmed and cut off..only silence....paranoia settled in....I couldn't handle it.

I had to get out of the car. We had left the car on, but not cranked...the battery was dead. I had no booster cables to use. Then, the sober ones really started to fuck with me. They said my battery had busted or exploded. I started to wonder...what to do. I climbed out of the car and started to walk towards the woods...it was about a quarter mile to them. A sick feeling settled in my stomach. I think I went there to die....

My friend's bro and Mark walked slowly behind me. Zach, my friend's bro, would stop in the exact same position he was in when I turned around to see if I noticed him. The sad thing was, I didn't see him a few times when I should have. He was 15 feet behind me. I turned and trekked to the woods. Zach and Mark followed. I turned and yelled for them to leave me and let me die. Zach said, "Well, be careful...there's water and a old bridge over there." They turned and left.

I turned and left also..heading straight into the woods. I found myself wandering deeper into the woods on an old creeky bridge, seeming like it was built in the dark ages. I had to get out of this place....I stared down at my shirt and the Pink Floyd characters came alive and started to molest my face...I yelled and ran from the woods, stripping my shirt along the way. I stumbled back into the field, and I peered at my watch....I had looked at it almost 2 hours ago, it seemed, and it said 8:23 then. I stared at the time in disbelief. It said 8:23. I was in the fucking Twilight Zone.

Then, this trip peaked out over the next two hours...the worst hadn't come. Hallucinations overtook my senses. I started yelling as I stumbled into the dark fields before me. I yelled for Zach to come get me. My sober friends had walked to his grandma's to get her car and booster cables to boost my car off. Zach walked up and I told him I was dying. He laughed and he knew I would be ok....but I didn't. He watched me fall to the ground. I lay there in the dirt, pleading with him to get me home...I wasn't alright this time.

He explained to me that 2 hours or so ago, I took mushrooms, and I was having a really bad trip. Then, I saw the lights....I jumped up and Zach lead me to my car, a few things happened and everybody stared at me like I was crazy, which I was...we began heading home. We drove back through the countryside and I sat in the back seat with my best friend beside me....the guy who has helped me through every bad thing imaginable that's happened to me. I stared at him for help...but he didn't comply. Everybody was laughing...having a great time...I was in pain, and the girl kept saying the whole incident was hilarious to her.

They all decided to put on some music. They popped in a CD and at the same time said, "Let's put it on 13!" Now, to all you readers, this would mean nothing, but to me....well, 13 has been MY lucky number for life. Every # in sports, I was 13 on the team. It was all coming together. I had tripped and fallen straight into hell. We took the wrong road and had to take the long way home. I was in so much pain. The song came on...it wasn't 13, but I didn't know it at the time. It was "Losing a Whole Year" by Third Eye Blind.

We got home....but it wasn't home. I COULDN'T go home in this state of mind. Everybody else jumped out of the car and left me....My mouth was dry, my body weak...I couldn't talk....after a while, people came up to me....they were laughing and talking about me....this didn't settle too well with me. I started really REALLY fucking FREAKING OUT.

After a while, they drug me inside a good friend's house, and I staggered in the door. My "friends" were mocking me and laughing at me, and speaking about me as if I wasn't there. I gave up on all hope. The only thing I could figure out was I had died in that lonely field and this was hell for me.

Imagine everything you're scared of...EVERY fear you've ever had, and everybody against you, all coming together at one time and haunting you. I swear these people had e.s.p. because when I thought of my worst fear, they'd talk about it..or threaten it. Like, I've been scared of being caught in a house burning down when I'm completely unable to get out. A candle was lain next to me on this bed and lit. People were passing cigarettes around....MY cigarettes....all the annoyances I could imagine were being imposed on me. Sounds, thoughts....words. It all happened....right there...and nobody cared about me....I can't even begin to describe the hell I was in. I thought everything that was good to me was a temptation given by Satan to make me turn to him. I lay there listening to my friends badger me and pester me...I couldn't move...they all threw pillows on me and laid across me as if I was just part of the bed....I gave up on life. I thought this was my eternity. I started to cry. And I gave in....they kept asking me to move so THEY could be comfortable...after a while, I slowly shimmied my way off the bed and leaned over it for forgiveness, like I was in a church. I slowly gathered my strength and stood up. People crowded around me and asked me, would I like a cup of water, or a cigarette....it all seemed like a temptation...but I said, "No." I asked them what THEY wanted and what I could do for them. Nobody said anything. I asked to speak to them all, but a few had to leave. They left and I stepped outside with my best friend....my best friend for 6 almost 7 years...I'm only 17. I broke down and cried. I gave it all up to him. I'd missed out on true life and love. I begged him for forgiveness. It seemed as if my friends, Mark and my best friend's 2 brothers could feel it. They came outside and I stood around crying to them all, telling them personal things I had always been scared to tell them.

Others left and I stood around a group of the greatest guys the world could offer a guy for friends. They listened and I confessed. All my lies, all my truths, all my fears and all my dreams and wishes. They listened with gentle hands protecting me. It was almost to beautiful to believe. I cannot and I repeat CANNOT describe the way I felt on that porch. After I told all, they huddled around me as I cried every last tear I was capable of from my eyes. It was the true group hug and I have never felt so reborn in my life.

The title I gave this story was "I descovered Him." I called it this because I believe God was somewhat judging me that night. He would see if I would give in or confess, and I confessed. I've never in my entire life felt the love and joy I felt being huddled with the most true friends I could ever ask for. I was revived, reborn....anyway you put it, I was given not a second chance, but a THIRD chance to prove myself to my friends and God himself. And that's what I intend on doing. I'm not trying to encourage shroom usage, but it's the only way I'd ever felt the feelings I felt that wild night. This whole story isn't CLOSE to a description of the TRUE story of what happened. I CAN'T write that down...it's only expressed in emotions.

I woke the next morning and found things more beautiful, more vibrant, more meaningful. I felt a severe closeness to those friends. If you look hard enough, you'll catch the little hints the Big Guy Upstairs drops you every now and then. Be true to God, your friends, and yourself. You'll find the meaning to life EVERYBODY searches for.