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Some say my strain of psilocybe cubensis is rather limp and confusing, perhaps even a little reluctant to share its secrets, let me share with you what 11 dried grams does to me, roughly four times the amount those critiquing cowards dare to consume. Within one hour my mind begins to decode the true nature of this reality i exist in, the walls in my room are starting to come undone, the structure that really holds my world together is not any kind of structure at all, but a seathing, flowing and very alien looking consciousness that is somehow familiar to me, so familiar in fact it feels as though i have been here a billion times before, a home coming ive longed for, 28 years and counting. Now is the time i must concentrate on breathing, very short breaths of air, about five percent of my lung capacity, you will be surprised how little oxygen one needs to stay alive when at complete stillness, this is the only way i can receive the full frequency of the universe within me, clear thoughts and a supressive reaction to the shock that comes with the staggering realization that this is the truth, what is happening to me right at this very moment is my world being stripped away and the bare core of the universe being displayed before my very eyes. At the two hour mark the trip begins to ferociously unfold, ego dissolving episodes begin and the most difficult portion of tripping has begun, the greatest challenge for me has always been the daunting task of remembering the significant moments of intense visuals, there are moments when i am completely awestruck at what i am witnessing, yet something is whispered in my mind that tells me i cannot bring this back with me, frustration can ruin a trip in seconds so i accept the whispers and merely spectate, a child strolling through a spectacular flower garden, every time i pick one of the flowers for future analisis it dissapears, regardless, i will return to witness this wonder again. The third hour, ahh yes, its magic time. just before it feels like insanity has been permanently cross woven into my mind, the third hour swoops down from above like a great spectral bird, resurection, i rise and am greeted with darkness, anticipation and bliss are surging through and out of my body, i know what is coming, ive seen this before, i have returned, and i know now why i trip. Blackness seems to precede this every time i arrive, strange thoughts swirl in my mind, contradictions and confusion, is this my real family? i have been living a lie this entire time and no one person has offerd me the truth, i have been tainted with falseness, religion and science have contributed all they could muster, the bible and einstein were as misleading to me as santa and politics, truths that could only hold thier own weight in our fabricated reality, in my mind i laugh maniacly, as the realization hits me like a solar collision, the truth i so longed for in life was offered to me by not a wise man, nor priest or professor, not animal or personal inquiries, but a tiny three inch mushroom i grew in my closet. At this time something very remarkable begins to unfold, my internal vision begins to focus on some liquid light,a kind of blue/purple reflection around the edges,then a sihlouette of some sort, moving and alive, i always respond with wow! thats impossible, what am i focussing on here? no way this can be real, what is that? And then it happens, now i am not sure you see when you get there, or here, or what the millions of others past or present have seen at the peak but nobody has ever told me, nor have i ever read a description that even comes close to what i consistently witness every time i trip a high dose, trying to describe this is going to be difficult, and i can never seem to recall fully but i bring more back every time, what i see is like living consciousness, perpetual motion and vortecies, its like seeing every colour of the visual spectrum at the same time, and everytime you try to focus on its surface it spirals off into infinity, its pure colour with no shadows, like shimmering diamonds, crystaline and slithering it engulfs me and i realize, for the first in an infinite amount of times i have realized before, this is me, this has been me and always will be for eternity, i was this universe all along, i already knew the answers to my own questions, all the beauty, love, killing and hate were all part of me, every living thing was its own unique perspective in an infinite sea of perspectives, it was always one and always will be one, the universe really is constructed of consciousness. When walking in my dreams the very ground that held me up was crafted from my mind, so was every other character within it, a perfect metaphor of reality which is also fabricated of thought. What came first, the chicken or the egg? My question would be what came first,consciousness or material reality? Of course in order to create a reality out of material you would need a conscious effort which could only happen if consciousness arose first, that being the case, material could never really exist, or reality, only the thought of it can occur. These of course are very bold statements, but i know it is the truth, ironically this insight begins to fade and i am somewhat depressed as i am seperated from my true self and begin my return. Leaving this has always been very difficult for me, i beg to stay but it slowly fades away, the trip is starting to wind down, the ancient wisdom i was part of is now being replaced with the mundane obligations of my life, and as the hours go by my completely convincing reality forces me to question whether i had just excperienced the truth or a drug induced fabrication of the true universe. The first time my barely evolved monkey brain was exposed to the truth i talked my self out of it, but after many visits it really has shattered my perception of whats real and what is not. Now i can live out the rest of my life knowing that nothing really matters, i just have to adhere to the constraining rules of this game and give it my all, because it was always me who created me, there is no life or death, just an eternal thought that i will one day be a part of once again. D.