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Hardest mush trip yet aug8th 2003

Mushroom Trip#1(first recorded)consumed: 1/8 – fasted 1daynighttimeAug 8th 2003Beginning – There was no multi-colored field of light as on other mushroom trips.

Mushroom Trip
#1(first recorded)
consumed: 1/8 – fasted 1day
Aug 8th 2003

Beginning – There was no multi-colored field of light as on other mushroom trips. However space was extremely warped (I saw these distortions). Also there was a strong contrast between light and dark.

As I was talking to my friends I didn’t perceive them as other people per se. Everyone I talked to or saw this night, were perceived as the phenomenal “other”. Though even as I perceived them as the “other”, I had a sense that I was talking to myself. I knew that the “self” could not exist without the “other” and vice versa (they are a part of each other, they are one). I asked many questions to the “other”, I do not remember them all. One question I remember asking is “Does it ever end. It’s just you and I doing the same dance for all eternity. Does anything outside of here exist?” Note here: Time had become eternal, moving forwards, backwards, and now all at once. I knew that I had always been, would always be. I knew that I was existence itself, that I could change form but never be truly destroyed.

I was no longer moving through space, rather space was moving around me. Though I did know that I was driving the movement of space. Further by moving I created special distortions around my body (these were felt rather than seen). At one point I began dancing to some unheard music, enjoying my control over the local spacial field. Later I aggressively rushed at one of my friends, who was lying on the couch. I stopped short of contact. This may have simply been me playing with my newly perceived ability or perhaps a challenge to the “other”. I felt as a child at play.

“The eon is a child at play with colored balls”

At some point I felt as though I were actually dying. I could no longer feel (in the tactile sense) any solid object. In my minds eye I saw all solid matter around me falling away from me in some kind of fractal division. [I’ll note here that I was very uncoordinated for much of the trip. When I felt thirsty I told my friend or the “other” if u prefer, about it. Even as he led me to the kitchen and turned on faucet, I could not understand how to drink the water, or even necessarily that it would end my thirst.] This led me to ask questions about death to the “other” (my friend-I don’t remember specifics of the conversation). I came to believe that even should my life end, I would continue on. I knew that to commit suicide would be a pointless endeavor. I sensed myself, and all of existence (which were synonymous) to be eternal. Though because I believed I was about to pass out of my current phase of existence, I wanted to see my mother. I asked the “other” to take me to her (my friend obliged). Before we left it took some help from my friend to find my shoes and comprehend how to put them on.

When I got to my mother’s house I had to urinate. I forgot everything I had ever known about bathrooms and urinated on her patio. When I went into my mom’s house, I no longer felt as if I were going to pass away. I hardly remembered ever having thought so at all. In fact I was beginning to feel like some sort of demi-god. My mom absolutely insisted that I go to the hospital. At her urging I let her take me there.

In the waiting room I was still felt eternity rather than standard clock time. I began to feel like a very bored god. I talked to some of the people in the waiting room (all still perceived as the “other”). They obviously thought that I was insane. I’ll note here that I was speaking in paradoxes to everyone I talked to that night. When the hospital staff came (some big dude at first) they asked that I follow them and they asked me the standard questions. I was paranoid of them but I remained cooperative. After all I was bored, and I had to fill my eternity with something. At one point I came to believe that they were sending me to a mental institution or to jail, and I started getting aggressive. However I calmed down as quickly as the thought passed and remained cooperative.

By the time I got back to my mom’s house I was returning to base line. I watched part of the movie The Jungle Book with my brother. The character Mougley said something that struck home with me: “You can hightail it out of the jungle, but it will never leave your heart.”

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