I took 4 gms. of dried cubensis. the initial speed seemed much less harsh than when I ate some fresh ( 27 gm) a few weeks ago.
after only about 20 minutes I was starting to trip. the whole take off seemed smoother than the fresh ( don't know if this could be dose effects) when it really starts to hit - it makes me "sleepy" - puts me in a "Mushroom sleep."
"eyes open" becomes tiresome. strong hallucinations. life review - friendships / relationships it feels like what a near-death experience might be like. a sertonin-induced energy that trumps everything else. it obliges you to surrender. it allows you to become a "watcher" and not a doer. it led me to a conclusion -- which I actually managed to type - while I was still really soaring. (the irony is - to even report this is a game )- but anyway - this is what I wrote:
my personal philosophy –
1. game = anything whose importance is relative ( relative = negotiable, temporary, constructed, you can’t take it with you,)
2. key question: what is not a game? love? game. your denial when I call love a game – is another game
religion. game. Freud. game all of psychology. game every emotion you ever had, every thing you worry about (and most certainly this absurd exercise ) ---
game. game. game. game.
3. should we feel sad that everything is a game?
to even ask the question is a ridiculous game.
4. is there anything beyond games ?
is there anything that is really REAL? Jesus?? my mother’s love? to even ask the question is a ridiculous game.
5. does this mean that Buddhism is the answer?
to even ask the question is a ridiculous game.
6. should we play games? of course, as long as you realize that they are games.
7. hope is a game. hope for life after death is a game. does this mean we plunge into despair?
no - despair is also a game.
8. what are we left with? honesty identity courage faith ???
nope – all games. games. games.
9. how should life end? no regrets – they are games no guilt. fuck guilt. guilt is a game. sadness. it is a game. does this formula sound like the final answer? remember – it’s a game too.
10. is this whole argument ”too cute, too clever” pretentious and just plain silly?? of course it is !!!!! that’s the whole point: games.
