I took 4 gms. of dried cubensis.
the initial speed seemed much less harsh than when
I ate some fresh ( 27 gm) a few weeks ago.
after only about 20 minutes I was starting to trip.
the whole take off seemed smoother than the fresh
( don't know if this could be dose effects)
when it really starts to hit -
it makes me "sleepy" - puts me in a "Mushroom sleep."
"eyes open" becomes tiresome.
strong hallucinations.
life review - friendships / relationships
it feels like what a near-death experience might be like.
a sertonin-induced energy that trumps everything
else. it obliges you to surrender. it allows you to
become a "watcher" and not a doer.
it led me to a conclusion --
which I actually managed to type - while I was still
really soaring. (the irony is - to even report this is
a game )- but anyway - this is what I wrote:
my personal philosophy –
1. game =
anything whose importance is relative
( relative = negotiable, temporary, constructed, you can’t take it with you,)
2. key question: what is not a game?
love? game.
your denial when I call love a game – is another game
religion. game.
Freud. game
all of psychology. game
every emotion you ever had, every thing you worry about
(and most certainly this absurd exercise ) ---
game. game. game. game.
3. should we feel sad that everything is a game?
to even ask the question is a ridiculous game.
4. is there anything beyond games ?
is there anything that is really REAL?
Jesus?? my mother’s love?
to even ask the question is a ridiculous game.
5. does this mean that Buddhism is the answer?
to even ask the question is a ridiculous game.
6. should we play games?
of course, as long as you realize that they are games.
7. hope is a game. hope for life after death is a game.
does this mean we plunge into despair?
no - despair is also a game.
8. what are we left with? honesty identity courage faith ???
nope – all games. games. games.
9. how should life end?
no regrets – they are games
no guilt. fuck guilt. guilt is a game.
sadness. it is a game.
does this formula sound like the final answer?
remember – it’s a game too.
10. is this whole argument ”too cute, too clever” pretentious and just plain silly?? of course it is !!!!! that’s the whole point: games.
