This trip is somewhere between 4 and 5, i have experienced mushrooms probably 15 times over several years. At the first trip, i had a realization that changed the course of my life, if you have ever experienced such truths, you understand the uselessness of words. Anyway, the first experience was golden, true raw spiritual, pure goodness. Then the second trip was close to as golden, yet slightly more negative. Each time i have ingested the forest teachers, i have learned new and valuable things, but with the increse in the number of times eaten, came the increase in the ratio of negative to good experiences. In each negative experince/lesson, i came out with more spiritual awareness, and appreciation for good, honest, truth. Yet i felt like the teachers wanted me to stop going to school (so to speak), because i had learned the lessons they are here to teach. It was pointless for me to take them with having learned the lessons they were here to teach me. I had never taken the mushrooms for the sole sake of enjoyment, i had always taken them with the single sole intent to learn what was on the other side and the inside, so as to understand our side. Eaten alone or with one freind, usually in the forest.
This time was the foolish exception. For years i have enjoyed the lyrics and music of the band TOOL, after many years of anticipation, my closest freinds and i were offered the chance to see them live. It was in the Gorge in central washington, an arrid, plains almost desert like place. We camped at the campground, along with at least several hundered other fans. I looked at the other fans there, most were probably just spoiled kids looking to get drunk and go to a concert for the fun of it, without any attempt to understand the lyrics, no respect. The other group i saw there seemed to be junkies just looking to get high, no motivation, no respect for themselves, no respect for the ethnogens they were consuming. Sure i am not a person in every situation, and i understand the positions that people get placed in beyond their control, but just so much disrespect for themselves, the band, the place they are in, the drugs they use, it was just already a depressing place to be. For example, a person who drove to the concert with us considers himself a drug dealer or something, and he had a large batch of mushrooms. Anyway this guy walks up to us and he says, " You guys got anything that can get you fucked up" So my freind sells him a quarter of mushrooms, and the guy is already drunk as ...a drunkard. He just downs the whole quarter of mushrooms right there and washes it down with a budweiser. Then he starts to rant about some stupid garbage, and my freinds all laugh at him.
If you have ever been to the gorge, you know that the walk from the campsites to the amplitheater is realistically 1 to 2 miles. Its a bit of a walk. I had just taken an eigth of mushrooms at about 5 o clock (earlier about noon i crushed them into powder and put them in a bottle of orange juice). After drinking the elixir we walked to stand in line, its a long line, (sold out with a capacity of something like 30,000). After the walk, i began to notice the effects. By the time they kicked in full affect, we just got into line, i had never been around many people before, and i was not handleing it well. I grabbed my ticket from my freind and put it in my pocket, and just left, i couldnt stand in line at all. i started to walk, and every step brought me deeper. i was confused, i had never been in a situation where i didnt have to worry about keeping cool, so i tried to walk anywhere away from anyone. No luck. I walked in circles everywhere. Then i saw all the people, and they just seemed so evil to me, then they all turned into a huge long worm, which i could only descirbe as a thousand mile long "shit" worm, full of disgsting evil, with thousands of eyes, just a nasty blob with arms legs and hair sticking out between the masses of black shiny eyes. I decided the TOOL concert wasnt worth it, i couldnt handle it, a safe trip is better than a ruined concert and probably some terrible incident. so i set off for the campground again. i became sick and had to vomit, so i went into the nasty porta potties, feces everywhere, i didnt care, i just threw up, a lot. and i could hear people outside saying "is he ok, should we get help" that was the last thing i wanted. so i walked out like "hey i throw up huge ammounts all the time, no worries", then i walked back, the sun was at my back, projecting a shadow onto the ground, the regular beat of my feet hitting the dirt, sent me into a trance, and i lost consciousness of the place i was in, it was like i was seeing it through the eyes of the native americans thousands of years ago, i i could hear drums and chanting, my spirit changed, i realized things i had NEVER once realized (again sorry i cant explain this part too well), my consciousness became all consciousness, i had no ego, i was whatever i saw in front of me, i became sight (thats is a poor description) time was lost, ego was lost, my body was lost, the only thing that was and is and will forever be, is what IS (thats all i can say) then i came back to the native american place, and could see mandalas in all the sage brush, then i came back to present time, i wasnt walking anymore, so then i continued back to camp, i just felt worse and worse after that, i just wanted a place to lay down, and i felt angry that i have to have a designated place to lay down, or i have to go in a plastic shelter to pee, or that i have to wear pants. so i got to the camp and the huge shit worm had become a shit blob, a huge crowd of tents. i was lost, but i eventually found it. i got in the tent and immediatly looked for something to throw up in, and ended up doing it into a plastic sack, i filled it up well, and put it outside the tent, i could hardly function. Then heard voices of people walking by and saying" is he all right" then i started to get worse. My vision faded away and i was in this fractal-like yellow pool, and there were all these "demoms" in this pool, and i realized my life was on the wrong path, I realized if i died right now i would be in a terrible place. I begged God for my life for a long time, never in my life had i ever wanted to be so good, just, and pure. I begged for a new start. I was reminded of a quote by socrates, "If you understood what was good for you, then you would only do good". Only now do i feel like i can understand that. I was scared, alone, in hell. I went through a couple hours in this terrible state, mostly begging to live. I thought, how much shame would i bring to my family if they found out what i was really like, or if i died on shrooms. I wasnt scared of death, death would have been the easy way out, it just would have been way too much shame. I contemplated going to the hospital. Then i lost complete feeling in my arms, my carreer would be over if i lost my arms, so i begged for my arms, bargaining and pleaing with the creator, begging forgiveness from the mushrooms for abusing their power. It was sobering, then out of no where, i felt ok. I sat up and felt more peace in my life than i had ever had. I realized what was going on, this was the final lession they had to teach me. It was a second chance at life. i cant describe the peace, calm silence and understanding i felt at that moment. After sitting for a while, i walked back to the concert, and got in. The opening band was just finishing up. I saw all the drunks and losers i had seen before, only with a new light of understanding, with forgiveness. I have been given a second chance, i can at least give these people more chances before judgement. I came to this concert expecting a spiritual experience, i got it, just not iin the way i would have expected. The band was great, yet they seemed uninspired. Still it was a pleasure to see them. I devoleped a heavy dose of respect for everything. Then we left the concert at 1 in the morning, and drove 10 hours back to college the next morning. My freinds had similar experiences, one ate mushrooms, and one took mescaline.
Again the whole description falls short of reality. Events dont happen in words, they happen in "other ways" so i would assume the only way to describe them would be in other ways. Leaving words obsolete. I dont thinkk i will ever eat mushrooms again, i dont ever want any more "weed" again, and alcohol will be the least of my problems. Im out of the psychoactives game, it was a fun run. The hallucenogens opened a huge door for me, if i had never taken them i probably would have not been interested in the things i am now, i would have set me back a couple years on spiritual devolepment. However, you dont need drugs to learn the lessons mushrooms teach. All things are great teachers, although none are as obivous as mushrooms, the subtle lessons of a river, or the cycle of the seasons, or the falling snow can teach you just as much. Other things arent going to just throw you into it like mushrooms. If you want true spiritual devolepment, i suggest meditation (or whatever you want to call it), lucid dreams, drumming, fasting, sweat lodge, silence and experimenting with isolaton and boredom. Medatation being the main beam on which you build your spiritual house.
I thought i would write this to save you the time and lesson learned in this trip, albeit was rough, i would never take the experience back. Remember respect nature, respect yourself, try to understand goodness, respect others, and learn to forgive, acheive understanding. Thank you for reading.