Authored by Way Friday, June 7th 2002 19:30 Substance: P.
Authored by Way
Friday, June 7th 2002
Substance: P. cubenesis taken shaken in 500mL of California style SunnyD =)
Dose: 7 powdered dried grams
Set: My ex-girlfriend M is visting from back east for two weeks. Her, R and myself are going camping up at Squirrel Rock. It is our first real camping trip of the year. I've done some ritual fasting and purification as usual. I've recently started coming out of my deep depression and feel this is a good time for a "reprogramming" tryp. I plan on experimenting with combining nitrous oxide with the mushrooms, which is supposed to synergize very well and powerfully.
Setting: Squirrel Rock up in Emigrant National Forest. It is about a 2 mile hike into this spot, which is good, because we over packed so we could live like kings . I begin my tryp on the slopes above Squirrel Rock and end it at our campsite at the bottom of Squirrel Rock. The air is a little thin at 7,500 feet.
Report: R and I smoked some of our best homegrown beforehand in the tent to get relaxed and feeling good, so as to start off on the right foot. Then we hiked up past Squirrel Rock to the empty rock slopes above it. We climbed about half way up them until we found a good spot to make a fire ring, which we did, then we collected some fuel and started the fire. At this point I laid out the materials I had brought with me: sleeping bag, flashlight, extra shirt, two books, mp3 player and nitrous oxide (which I set apart from the rest). R and myself have already determined that he will go back to camp and start heading back to me at T+1:00.
[T+0:00] I mix my sacrament, drink it and R departs. I do some stretching and meditate briefly while I watch the sunset and feel the effects begin to come on. The sunset is magnificent. I try to practice singing power songs, but I am not yet beshroomed enough yet to let go of my insecurities about my musical ability even though I am alone. I put some Beethoven on the mp3 player and look at the clouds. I seem to be able to perceive more of the clouds than in my normal state, they seem much more gauzy and three dimensional. Before long I start to see things in the clouds. For some reason the clouds seem to be the only place I see hallucinations while on the mushrooms that are anything other than anthropomorphic patterns. I see a couple who seem to be ballroom dancing. I also see a human like face, which is hairless, but with no neck. It extends backwards quite some ways, making it almost like a gently curved cylinder with a face put on it. It seems to me to be either slightly malevolent or neutral. I feel like its "presence" is getting closer to me the longer I watch it and although I am very interested in contacting entities, I feel that I do not want this one to be my first so I divert my attention. The Beethoven may have influenced this perception, as the particular piece keeps vacillating between uplifting, euphoric portions and dark, menacing parts. At this point I decide I should try to work on some of the issues I previously identified as being things I would try to address this tryp. I read some in my shamanism book, but I am starting to tryp harder by this point and quickly give up on that. The mosquitoes are very bad and their presence bothers me greatly. They are an unending distraction. At some point I feel like it is time for the "rebirth" experience of the tryp. Usually I like to be in the water at this point, but there is none up here for me to be in, so I get in my sleeping bag and lie there briefly.
[T+~0:55] I don't think I fell asleep while in the sleeping bag, but I may have. All I know is that I "came to" in an extremely confused state. It was beginning to grow dark and I grew worried it would be impossible to find our way back to camp in the dark. I yelled to R, who in fact was just departing camp to come get me. As is usual my internal thermometer was all messed up and I ended up undressing and redressing several times. By the time R arrived to lead me back I was naked and could barely think. When he arrived I knew he was there to help me and he seemed like a kind and skilled "authority" type figure I should comply with. He asked me some questions, which I couldn't really reply to. He asked me if I knew who Towelie was and I said "Yes." He says he asked me if I wanted the nitrous, but I don't even remember that. He helped me get dressed and we began down the slope. While we were traversing down the rocky portion of the slope I felt fine, since there was enough ambient light to see by. Then we reached the wooded section between the slope and Squirrel Rock. His flashlight seemed incredibly dim to me. I felt like it would go out at any moment. I'm sure it was because of my state that we were so slow going, but this began to worry me. I worried we were lost and felt like the best thing to do would be to stop and do nothing. R kept telling me, "We are not lost," but repeating the same thing over and over again did nothing to assuage my fears. In fact, I think it served to alter my perception of him. He seemed very simple and unintelligent, which eroded my trust in him. I don't know why we didn't use my flashlight, I think that would have made a whole different course of events. We got on top of Squirrel Rock and he pointed out the campfire and told me camp was right down there, but I still felt lost. We went down to the camp and the fire was almost out and I could hardly see the camp at all. M seemed like a little goblin or such creature. I didn't have anything, couldn't see anything and felt only coldness and dryness. I ended up locked inside my head, contemplating being lost in the wilderness with no possessions, no way to find my way out, my existence would end and it would bring great suffering. I felt like my world, literally the world around me, was caught in an entropic decay, the edges fluttering away into Nothing. And soon it would reach me. R later told me I was huddled face down in the dirt at this point and he turned me over so I wouldn't breathe in the dirt. Even though I was back at the camp, I didn't feel like I was at the camp. I felt like we were all lost together.
[T+???] At some point I started to transition from this state. R was asking me questions, asking if I knew who different people were. I started becoming more coherent, started coming down. His questions triggered in me an associational frenzy, and I began to list people and things as I thought of them, as they came as tangents from others I had just said. This networking thought pattern soon coalesced into an energized, free flowing poetry session. I felt like a beat poet. I felt like a physical poet. I felt like a powerful poet. I felt like a beautiful poet. The words flowed from my lips like water from the falls. It was spontaneous and energetic. I was not static, nay, I moved with my words, illustrated them at times. Explosive, then tranquil, my mouth sounds sprung like flowers. R's face was lit up listening to me, so I know it is not just in my mind that it was good. As time went on my energy and inspiration faded with the disembarkment of the mushrooms from my organism.
Summary: This is the first time R and I tried tryping at different times so as to have a sober helper available. I think this worked very well. We are getting better at preparation for tryps and directing them. My rap session was incredible, some of my highest mental functioning I can ever recall. I think to try synergizing with the nitrous I will take 5 grams. All in all a very good tryp, especially my inspired poetry, I wish I had a tape recorder with me!!! All in all a very interesting tryp, especially feeling entropy engulf my environment.