Tonight, I'm writing a process analysis for technical communications. I had it half-done and got side-tracked looking through my things, when I noticed my mushrooms were going kind of soft. I planned to eat them tomorrow after I had all my work done and enjoy sitting there in my lectures completely braindead off a mix of mushrooms (maybe six grams, I don't have a scale; it was the stem of one big [14-gram] mushroom) and maybe 2 grams of hash.
Suffice to say I was extremely disappointed to see my mushrooms starting to go to mush, so I chose to accept the consequences in my schoolwork (once again, I'm not done; this is half after three in the morning and it's due at eight... I'm pulling an all nighter).
Knowing I wouldn't get anything done if I ate the shrooms and stayed in my room, I went for a half-hour walk. It was pretty fun, I had the high-definition life feeling where I was taking in everything around me and the colours were vivid and my mood and perception of everything was changing with my music (I was listening to AZ's quasi-new album). When I got back to my room I tried to kill the shrooming feeling and really work hard so I could sleep before tomorrow and maybe go about my life as usual.
Once again, it's 3:40 in the morning and I don't plan on sleeping for twenty-four hours.
Killing the shroom feeling really fell on its ass, I got extremely depressed and felt like the world would be over because I couldn't finish the assignment (couldn't concentrate and felt terrible). I tried sleeping, thinking I could get up early enough to finish it... unsuccessfully. I tried vomiting, thinking it would somehow make me feel better (I felt like I was really at the bottom of the barrel here)... unsuccessfully. Not content with the idea of sitting there letting things get to me, I applied myself and kept at the assignment hoping something would change and I'd be able to finish it.
Once again, I felt terrible and extremely tired. I ate the shrooms at around midnight and given the quantity I don't expect to come down until well after I submit the assignment to my TA.
The assignment still wasn't working, but I refused to give in to what the shrooms were doing to me. I got up, walked to the bathroom, looked at myself in the mirror and confidently flipped myself off. It didn't really make me feel better, but it did confirm that I was still thinking for myself [i.e. my mind wasn't broken, as I have experienced on shrooms before]. I got back to the assignment, wrote a good deal of text (one of the three lengthy steps in my process analysis) that was poorly written but nonetheless coherent, and I got distracted again after a while. Once I got up in frustration/defiance this time I got the urge to do something physical to make myself feel more awake and take away from the defeated feeling that was dominating my mind at the time. I'm sure the shrooms had something to do with my decision to do Tai Chi, because I don't practice and didn't know anything about it. I understand it now though and feel seriously enlightened... it really made me feel a lot better, and I'm not just talking in terms of mood or how high I am. I seriously feel like I have a better grasp of everything including my life as a result of this exercise. After this I spent only five minutes (I'm pressed for time here) in meditation, which I do know something about and this cleared my mind immensely. I contemplated my direction in life as usual on shrooms (I like philosophy, and what could be more important to me than where I'm headed in life?) and I feel like I have a completely different and infinitely better perspective on everything.
I don't feel like I'm living outside reality right now, if anything I feel more firmly anchored in it. I'm thinking clearly for the first time in a long time, I seriously plan to cut laziness and other forms of self-destruction out of my life and I really hope that after I finally catch some sleep I'll feel the same way. Thank you for your attention, but if you'll excuse me it's 4:00 in the morning and I have an assignment to get back to.