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Magic Mushrooms Zamnesia
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DMT Elves Appear

Dosage: 2 capsules ground rue taken 45 minutes prior to 4.

Dosage: 2 capsules ground rue taken 45 minutes prior to 4.5 grams dried P. cubensis

Preparation: Diet restrictions for 4 days prior - no meat, alchohol, caffiene, chocolate, nicotine, marijuana, or other drugs or toxins consumed. Day of trip fasting and enema.

Ritual - Spent hour prior to cosumtion meditating, breathing, and performing other mind focusing excercises. Spent ten minutes before ingestion invoking protective spirits to guide me on my trip (Ganesa in particular). Spent five minutes before ingestion confronting *Teonanactal,* the spirit of the mushroom, to inform it of my intentions, what I expected of it, and asked that we enter into the "unity" with full understanding and respect for each other.

Setting: My apartment in downtown Seattle, 8:00 pm. Candles, incense, etc.

The Trip:
Sitting in a meditative position before the small "shrine" I had laid out on the floor, I spent about 15 minutes chewing and eating the mushrooms, washing them down with water (no stomach discomfort noticed). Spent another fifteen minutes meditating and waiting for effects. At the half hour mark I became very agitated. The mushrooms were coming on, I had to urinate, and I was becoming tense. I got up and went to the bathroom. Since the bathroom is completely dark when the door is closed, I decided to sit for a while and see what kind of visuals I would get in the darkness.

When I closed the door and switched out the light, I could not distinguish between eyes open and eyes closed. In the darkness I began to see very rapidly flowing matrices of fluid energy. It was like being at the center of a graceful virtual reality cyclone with no texture mapping - just the 3-D wireframe spinning and morphing in very flourescent pinks, purples, and greens. At the center of these vortices I could see wide round eyeballs and grinning teeth - a horrible visage of the "Joker" swirling around and popping up. Similar to skull imagery I get on LSD, but much more cartoony and maniacal. After about 10 minutes of this I began to get very brilliant *flashes*, like someone snapped a camera flash in my eyes (in complete darkness!?). There were four in all, I believe, coming at about 10 second intervals. I had never experienced this before, and a kind of "Oh shit, what have I done" feeling came over me.

*A note on the "Joker" - The joker is an image I have seen on many psychedelic experiences. Often during visual hallucinations, I can see the visage of the "Joker" through the cracks (i.e dark or black spots) in my visuals. It is almost as if the "Joker" is standing (hiding?) behind a pane of glass and painting up my thoughts as I think them.

Also in the bathroom there were hints of the "flourescent plastic clown room" that I have been in on various tryptamine voyages - a place where clown images pop out of the matrice with large belly laughs, sinister grins, etc. Often accompanied by the smell of vinyl(?). I know this is a bit weird, but I have talked to others (some on this list) who have also been in this particular state.

I got up and returned to the living room. At this point I became very disappointed. I had seen the spinning flourescent matrices (complete with Joker backdrop) before on many mushroom and DMT trips, and though it was very cool to look at, it was CERTAINLY not the "great void" I was seeking. I got up and walked out of the bathroom and back into the living room. I suddenly felt very silly for going through all the preparation and ritual and was actually quite angry with myself. I briefly considered going for a walk or something silly like that, but then remembered that I was only about an hour into the trip, and I should give it a little longer to manifest before I deviated from my intentions.

I sat down to mediatate again, but was cold. I got up, got a sweater, sat down, wondered if I should put on some music. I was still very agitated and could not focus. My back hurt and I could not sit comfortably in the lotus position. I leaned back against the couch and spread my arms out. I breathed deeply and focused my attention at a point on the wall. The more I focused my attention on the wood grain, the deeper I could see into it. It was as if I could see *into* it, into the void. The grain of the wood around the point I was focusing on began to morph like syrup into images of faces in profile, more eyeballs, tounges licking, and other erotic imagery. The penetrating feeling of sex in this space is undeniable and overpowering. I had seen this before also, and although it was VERY cool, it was still not what I was looking for.

*note on into - at this point in the hallucinations, 3-D reality seems to unravel. Solid, surface level textures suddely seem to have infinite depth, as if they are collapsing inward and convecting outward at the same time. Hard to describe, but very funky.

I yawned uncontrollably and put my head back against the couch. I looked up at the ceiling and tears ran down my face from the yawn. I rubbed them from my eyes and was stunned by how the tears felt. They seemed to be dense with salt, almost more powder than liquid, but definitely fluid, like a mercury or an oil. My first though was "is there DMT in my tears?"

I could hear tiny whispering voices creeping up around me. They seemed to be saying things like "Do you think he can hear us?" and "Should we surprise him?" followed by lots of giggling and shushing. At first I thought there were actually people coming to surprise me - a surprise birthday(?) party of friends, neighbors and relatives - even dead ones(???) who were going to rush through the door or pop out of the closet. Then I realized it was them, the elves, the helping spirits, the hekura... those mishevious little DMT spirits. I could feel them buzzing around the perifory of my vision very cautiously. I felt as if they were planning to jump out at me, so I quickly turned my head and yelled "Ha!" to surprise them first. The shout was very loud and it surprised even me.

They scattered with a "whoosh" and I could hear them tittering "Ooh, that was very scary, hee hee he". They began laughing and rolling around, holding their bellies, and pointing at me. I sat up and looked around again and it suddenly hit me that I was in the DMT flash. It didn't come on with a "whack" like smoked DMT, it just crept up on me, but I was DEFINITELY there. If you've ever been there, you know it when you see it.

I felt like I was surounded by this fluid, the same fluid I felt in my tears. It was like an ether or plasma - the fluid of spacetime? I began to feel very playful because this was the place I was attempting to get to and I was finally here. The "space" was kind difficult to "tune" to, it was phasing in and out of clarity and I was having trouble concentrating. Out loud I said "Okay, you can come out now. Come on..." I was trying to speak to the elves and call them to me like a cat or a dog, but it was like trying to round up a group of hyperactive children. They were bouncing all around and rubbing this fluid all over themselves and saying things like "mmmm, yummy" while they wiggled around in it. They looked like naked and chubby little cherubs with no wings, but not made of flesh(?). Their hair was curly and seemed to roll in fractalized waves over their heads.

Finally I said "Okay, if you don't want to play I won't ask you my questions and I'll put you back in your box," pointing to the box I kept my mushrooms in. This caught their attention. They sprang forward with big eyes saying "Questions? Oooh, questions," and "Stay and play! You never come to play any more."

I had prepared some questions and the first one had to do with a skin condition I have had for the past few weeks that has resisted treatment. I said "Okay, if you're such geniuses, how do I get rid of this fungus on my skin?" They danced around and responded with a game-show style buzzer and said something to the effect of "Nope. Uh-uh. Try again." One came right up to my face and waved it index finger at me (which also fractalized out at the tips).

"It's not a fungus?" I asked. "Is it a bacteria?" They all sat and tapped their fingers against their chins saying "Hmmmmmm. A bacteria. A bacteria, he says. Now wouldn't that be interesting..." But they had no answer "Would an antibtiotic kill it?" I asked, and they all jumped into the air ringing little bells and bouncing around with glee. "Ooh, he's so smart!" they said. "What a GENIUS! An antibiotic would certainly kill a bacteria..."

This little conversation led to a strange unfolding drama about where pharmeceuticals come from, and how it takes the work of hundreds of people just to produce one little antibiotic pill, and how there are numerous governmental and even galactic(???) policing agencies which monitor the production of such substances. NOTE: The bacteria diagnosis turned out to be incorrect. Atibiotics did NOT cure the condition. Ketaconazol, a broad spectrum anti-fungal medication, finally cured it. The elves may know a thing or two about quantum physics and relativity, but they don't know sh*t about dermatology.

I was amazed by how overjoyed the little elves seemed to be getting from our conversation. I was a little awed and amused, but they were BURSTING with giddy glee. I asked another question. "What can I do to heal the environmental crisis our planet is in?" At this point the elves disappeared as my mind was filled with dozens of images of me commiting senseless, wasteful acts - wasting water, not recycling, eating fast food, needless consumption, etc. I was being scolded. The elves all started stumbling around like hypnotized zombies, littering, dropping beer bottles, etc. They were mumbling Duh, uh, how do I save the planet, duh... like we don't all know the answer to that one already.

They can be VERY sardonic. Okay, stupid question.

It was at this point the trip got weird, because suddenly I was introduced to a whole bunch of information relating to a great cosmic conspiracy of some kind. Through a hallucination theatre, I was being shown the purpose of alien abductions and cattle mutilations. What I was being shown was that aliens were synthesizing very potent drugs from the hormones(?) of humans and to a lesser extent cows. The best hormones were those produced at the height of passion or in states of intense terror. I became aware of the fact that these aliens were present ALL THE TIME, invisible, and lurking about waiting to "score" off our emotions (vampire myths anyone?). I recall distinctly feeling like this fluid, the one in my tears that the elves loved so much, was some sort of rare galactic commodity, like the antibiotics, and Earth was one of the best suppliers of this commodity. The theater showed me that not only is this fluid a drug, but it is also the primary building material for a whole host of advanced technologies (flying saucers, time travel, etc). In retrospect, this seems to be pure delusional crazy-thinking.

Getting weirder - at the exact moment I had the "Galactic drama" revelation, there was a flood of noise - cars starting up and zooming off outside, a plane passing overhead, doors banging, toilets flushing... I believe someone on this list posted similar experiences. The galactic conspiracy theater worked its way down to the waste management industry. Apparantly, this "fluid" is contained in the waste we flush down our toilets, wash down our sinks and throw in our garbage - in our urine, on our bloody tampons, on our snot and semen soaked tissues, etc. I got image after image of some giant distillery somwhere employing thousands of government workers who were combing through tons of garbage and millions of gallons of waste-water just for a precious few tiny drops of this "life fluid". It was quite creepy and yucky. Too much for my tiny ape-brain to handle. I was losing voliton. My body was becoming heavy. I was yawning more and more. More tears. More fluid. I was creeped out and starting to pass out. I stumbled to bed.

Once I got to bed I lost all semblance of being in control. While laying there I entered a half-dream half-wake state that was remiscient of times dating back to my childhood. I remembered half-dreams that I used to have while waking or falling asleep as a child - satets I hadn't though of since I experienced them years ago. For a period of time I "died" - my consciousness left my body, I stopped breathing, and I spun through hyperspace. Suddenly, everyone I knew who had ever died was surrounding me, like I was at a big family reunion, but it was not just family, it was *everyone* who has ever died (including Jerry Garcia, who was on stage playing, of course). Not only was I in this "dead space" (pun intended), I was also simultenously in the peak of every other psychedleic trip I've ever had, as well as these dream-states from childhood. I was existing simultenously on many different levels at once, living and reliving different moments in time for what seemed like eternity, but it was all very jumbled and choppy.

I started reliving experiences from my childhood in chronological progression. I was mumbling a string-of-consciousness nonsense that went kind of like "zoom, voom, ca-choom, bobo, hobo, lobo, robo, frizbee, lizbee, bizbee, boing, boing, bouncy, bouncy, bang, bang, lang-a-lang..." Each word seemed to conjure a memory and each memory piled up on the other. Years of my childhood passed by - birthdays, holidays, family gatherings, old TV shows, etc. I remember going through Christmas 3 separate times - each time thinking "here it comes again", then living it briefly and watching it pass by. I got the strange feeling that I was somehow effecting these events in the past from the present state I was in, and that *strange* things that happened previously in my life, and in the world around me, were actually a result of actions I was taking on this trip.

I woke with a breath and realized that I had left my body. I realized that this is what happens when you dream - you leave your body and go somewhere else. I looked at the clock-radio and it said 20:12 - Terence's Zero date (it more likely read 12:20, or 12:02, but I was quite ripped...) I perceived that all the calendars had broken and that there was no more time. I believed that I could transcend spacetime and that any thought I had would instantly become reality. I rolled over and attempted to puch a whole in the wall. I pounded my fist into the wall and it went right through (as far as I could tell). I stood up, drew a circle on the wall and proceeded to bust through it with my head like Kool Aid from those cheesy old commercials.

NOTE: I did not actually bust through the wall, nor did I put my fist through it, though I certainly felt like I did at the time. Although I distinctly remember pounding parts of my body against the wall very forcefully, there were no marks, bruises, or residual pain noticable when I finally came down. Although I retell the rest of the trip as I remember it, what I remember and what actually happened certainly must be two different things...

At this point I started crawling up the wall like spider-man. I flung webs around the room and spit lightning bolts from my mouth. Somehow (big surprise) I wound up in the crack between my bed and the wall. I crawled around under my bed in the dust-bunnies and chewed on the metal bed-frame like a rabid dog. I was convinced that I was no longer made of matter and could not hurt myself and could not die. I considered getting a dagger from my bookcase and stabbing myself to test the hypothesis, but then thought "emergency rooms are a bummer" and dropped the idea. I became a sperm, relived my birth, and crawled under the bed like a baby.

I somehow wound up tangled in the frame of my bicycle at the foot of the bed. I believed I was imprisoned and that I would be trapped there "indefinitely". The babbling did not stop. It kept going until about 1 am until I thought to myself "this is silly" and removed myself from the bike-prison. I was covered with dust and emotionally broken. As if to punctuate the fact that the trip was over, I urgently had to void my bowels. Becasue of fasting and the enema, my bowels were clean except for the the chewed mushrooms - which passed almost totally undigested.

I felt like I had been through a meat grinder. I wanted to sleep but couldn't. I broke into tears. I felt like a complete idiot. After a glass of milk (good sleep remedy) I finally passed out. I woke in the morning invigorated and refreshed.

Conclusions: Although I felt EXTREMELY greatful for the experience while on the trip, I was unable to pull anything I would call useful or integrateable from it. The entities seemed to delight in playing with my ind and feeding me false information. At one point I was told that I have cancer, and that my girlfriend recently suffered a spontaneous abortion. Both of these things were sung to me mockingly, like children do on a playground to hurt each other, and to the best of my knowledge both are false (but really, who knows...?)

Anyway, I will be staying away from heroic doses for quite a while. My "normal" dosage of 1.5 - 2.0 grams cubensis with rue booster is quite enlightening and psychologically workable without all the rampant craziness.

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