Death and Rebirth

This trip would be my third on mushrooms. I’m somewhat new to the use of psychedelics but was able to get my hands on a variety of substances in the months prior. I feel a little back-story is necessary to help understand the situation I was tripping in.

About two months prior I had tried LSD for the first time. My friend, who likes to go “way out there” had told me this was weak acid, so I ended up taking 3 hits. That was my first mistake. The second was that we did this in a public place. When I started to peak I was having a lot of difficultly. I was starting to forget who I was and where my friend and I were. This really frightened me and I started to freak out. I have no idea how but I ended up finding my way back to my dorm and spent the next 4 hours in my own self created version of hell before the intensity got to a tolerable level. I totally ignored the whole set and setting advice that I had read about and paid for it dearly. It was a humbling experience to say the least and I had significant post trip depression.

Slowly I started to wade back into the psychedelic waters after that trip. I was able to get my hands on a fair amount of mushrooms and started working my way up in dosage. For this trip I decided to take 5g of dried mushrooms. I took them with two other friends who each took 3.5g in their dorm room. We put on some music and talked while we waited for them to kick in.

About 45 minutes later the mushrooms started to take hold. We put on some Mystical Sun and were really getting into it. I laid down on the couch and just let my mind wander. I was tripping fairly hard at that point, my friend were talking to each other but I was focusing just on the music. Then, out of no where, a decidedly feminine voice in my head told me to, “let go.” And so I did. I just cleared my mind and let go of every earthly care I had. I didn’t care whether I lived or died. In that instant, I closed my eyes and I felt as if I was being pulled out of my body.

The second I closed my eyes I knew I was in the presence of some higher power. It was somewhat similar in form to Alex Grey’s Bardo Being painting, with pulsating colors. I found that I had simply ceased to exist in the way I had known myself on earth. I could not remember a single thing from my life. I was just a part of whatever I was in the presence of. I felt the most intense feelings of content and happiness I have ever experienced. Time seemed to stand still; it felt like eons had passed

When I finally snapped out of this, I was fairly confused. I had felt like I had been gone for years, but it had literally been seconds. This felt very much like I had died and then was reborn, except after my rebirth I was still tripping on mushrooms. My friends said that I asked them whether I had gone anywhere or done anything. And they laughed at me and asked what I was talking about. I wasn’t talking any sense so they just let me be. It took me an hour or so to get to a point where I could formulate my thoughts and talk to them about this.

In the aftermath of this trip I was able to overcome the depression that I had previously been in. Letting go of all my earthly worries and just simply existing in whatever form I did gave me a lot of perspective on how transient and unimportant a lot of my problems were. On acid my ego had been unwilling to relinquish control, and had made me pay. On this rip, I had been able to absolutely let go and was rewarded with this beautiful experience. I felt healed form the acid trip that had gotten me into the depression in the first place. This was a wholly positive experience.