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Christ, heal Thyself!

Authored by WayFriday, November 29, 200211:00Substance: Cannabis + 5-MeO-DiPT + P.



Authored by Way

Friday, November 29, 2002

11:00

Substance: Cannabis + 5-MeO-DiPT + P. cubenesis
Dose: a couple bowls of cannabis, approximately 20mg Foxy and an eyeballed amount of mushrooms (estimate about 4 grams)
Set: The day after Thanksgiving. I fasted on Thanksgiving in remembrance of all the millions of beings slaughtered by an uncaring populace just for this day. I’ve been thinking about what it means to be thankful and how all the different facets of my life, like anarchism, veganism and psychedelics are all interconnected. I am taking the Foxy + shroom combination in hopes of a more holistic mind/body tryp. I find the Foxy very recreational and body centered. I am hoping this will be augmented with the mental and entheogenic effects of the mushrooms. R is with me and is taking just the Foxy, since this is a new combination for us. I’ve been sick with bronchitis (and an infected nipple) for a while now, and hope I can effect some shamanic healing on myself. At this time I am taking daily multi-vitamins, b-12 supplements (I’m vegetarian), yohimbe extract, ginkgo biloba and Depakote (valproic acid).
Setting: I thought of trying this combination about a week and a half before I actually got the chance and was quite excited about its possibilities. We are trypping at R’s house, our usual indoor tryp pad. Unfortunately it’s a bit cold to go camping =(. It was a mild, if a bit brisk, overcast fall day.
Report: To start off and get into a nice relaxed mood we smoked a couple bowls of cannabis. Then we each took our Foxy. I had my 5 gel cubes and R had a veggie cap he had filled with an eyeballed (yes, we know, irresponsible! ;-) amount. He then went to take a bath so he would feel nice and clean for his trip. I was planning on waiting until I felt an alert from the Foxy before I took the mushrooms, but I decided I didn’t care if they came on first and so took them soon after R left to take a bath. I smoked some more cannabis while I was by myself as well.

[T+~0:30] By the time R came back to the room I was already starting to trip from the mushrooms. Around this time my memory gets a little fuzzy for a bit. I remember we were on the bed talking. I remember having some strange visual disturbances during this time, if I misfocused my eyes. The light walls would turn dark and other effects. They remind most of when I let my eyes misfocus while looking at the mirror, or the visuals I got from Syrian Rue - mostly black and white, dealing with contrast. I remember R’s face looking like my step-sister’s face. R wasn’t at the level he wanted to be at, so I got him the last 3 gel cubes of Foxy (approximately 12mg) as a booster. I remember being really drowsy and confused, i.e. just getting to the peak. I remember missing my girlfriend. I remember having weird thoughts, and not being able to interact with R. When he held my hand with his I felt really weird and the mushrooms told me it was time to go be by myself, as they often do.

[T+~0:45] So I left to go get in the spa. I found some towels and undertook the task of preparing the spa. It was slightly difficult as I was already tripping, but I managed it fairly well. I had to turn up the temperature because I had forgotten to the night before =(. It was only at 97 degrees Fahrenheit and I like it up at 104 degrees. I got in anyways. It was still much warmer than the outside, even if not as blistering as I like it. As I was in there it got warmer and warmer. By the time I got out it was up to 103 degrees. When I first got in I was just thinking about getting warmer, as tryptamines often make me feel cold. I was also trying to not get my long hair wet, as I had just washed it the day before and it was all “nice”. However, soon I was trypping so hard I couldn’t help myself, I wanted in so bad and had to totally immerse myself. I did one round of hypoxia in the spa, but then I thought better of it. Even though I have done it before on mushrooms with no problems I still recognized the potential danger. Being on a new set of drugs I felt it most prudent to not hold my breath floating face down in a huge tub of water, on the off chance that I actually do hold my breath until I pass out or have some other untimely accident. This was my first rebirth, my first waking up.

[T+???] Soon time become completely irrelevant, so no more times will be listed. I did some yogic postures in the water, which felt wonderful. While doing some of these I felt the urge to start singing a Power Song, but I couldn’t let go of my ordinary reality hang-up about singing. I tried to hum a tune, but my ego wouldn’t let any words out. I felt silly. Somehow, the idea to start chanting “Om” bubbled up in my head. I’ve done this before, on my first solitary tryp, but that wasn’t for very long. This time I chanted “Om” for a very long time. I was out in the spa by myself for a very long time. I don’t have an idea how long, at least several hours since R was watching movies during this time. Almost the whole time from when I began chanting to when I went back inside I was chanting it. The repetition of this sacred syllable I think definitely helped foster the ecstatic state which ensued. Each repetition became a rebirth.

Even though I only said one word the whole time I was chanting, that one word meant everything. It was not just empty repetition, each sounding was filled – as a prayer, as thanksgiving, as awe, as understanding, as humility, as…well, you get the idea =). Each time I said “Om” it would reverberate in my mind and release a thought. Om shows infinity. Everything is contained in it, everything connected to the primal vibration. Everything is self-similar, flowing from the “beginning” out to the “end”, flowering into ever more complex forms. The myriad thoughts that “Om” released were on all different kinds of matters, but the connections between all these disparate matters were readily evident.

At some point I woke up transfigured into a very interesting Christ. I was unbearded, taller and lanky, with long thin straight black hair. I realized that in Christ’s time some “Demons” were actually infections and other diseases that they did not have the medical technology to treat. “Exorcism” was actually a form of shamanic healing. Consider “casting out demons” against, say, the Jivaro practice of “sucking” out “evil spirits”. I made the water holy and so it was made into a healing bath. I coughed up much mucus from my lungs. I would spit these “intrusive energies” out, removing their power from my body. I was still chanting through all this. I spit out a lot of mucus that day. I was in the spa a long time, but would occasionally get out for a few minutes to cool off. The water was getting hot and I was becoming very pruned, but I persisted in staying in the spa knowing that I was healing through the Divine power, as well as the power of the hot water and myself (actually all one power ;-). When looking at my pruned hands I found them extremely beautiful, with exquisite patterns, but also sad. They represented the suffering I needed to endure as part of the healing process. My body soaked in the purifying waters for an unknowable time.

At some point I transfigured again. This time it was into an alien alter-ego of myself. I think I shall call him Fandar. It was interesting, because as I woke up to being Fandar I found myself with much to explore about him and his alien world. My body was much more plump than my ordinary body, with light green skin, no hair (I think), and pointy ears. He had the same piercings as me. He was from the alien suburbs. His house had cool patterns on it. The trees looked like mushrooms. They were without leaves, but the branches grouped together, forming rounded mushroom head-like structures. There was so much vegetation. So much life to take in, it was quite overwhelming. Every blade of grass screamed for attention. The ivy looked fatter and different somehow, kind of like how I was different. There was some plant too that put out little globular structures. These seemed very alien. I was having lots of auditory hallucinations during this time. I heard lots of sounds echoing, as well as distorted and phantom sounds. Fandar knew he was Christ too and continued the “exorcism”. Every time he would expel some power the neighbor’s dogs would bark. He delighted in this. He had a quite mischievous personality. He also liked to fool with his body and was decidedly bi-sexual. He would pull on his penis to stretch it out, or reach between his legs and play with his butthole. I should note that R’s shirt that day had an alien smoking a jay sitting cross legged on an amanita. This may have helped program me for this transfiguration. It was a “Grey” however, so maybe not. Who knows?

After R had finished watching “Chasing Amy” he came out to check on me since I had been alone so long. When he came out I was still chanting. At first he looked at me oddly, but I just continued unabated. He quickly realized I was just in my tripping groove and we exchanged some wordless communication. He had just come out to make sure I was OK and having accomplished this he returned to go watch “Spider-Man”. I went back to my “purgatory”, my time of suffering to cast out the Demons. The brick walkway coming up to the spa had wonderful patterns in it, as did all the mucus I had spit up onto it :-P.

At some point I felt I was done in the spa and I got out, picked it up and put a towel on. I went back inside to R’s room and dried off. I got him some water and took out the laptop. I went and tried to write even though I was still in the middle of the come down. It was very hard trying to convey the experience into words, as it always is. I was trying to do it then so I could get the flavor of the experience and try to “bring it across” to ordinary reality. Typing was so hard though, it was so much slower than I was thinking. This was extremely frustrating and I gave up. I really need to remember to have a tape recorder ready when I take the mushrooms. Here is what I wrote, unedited:

-----Begin-----

Christ, heal Thyself!

Om.

Patience.

Om.

It comes.

Om.

Forever.

Om.

Healing.

Om.

Life.

Om.

Vibration.

om

everything

om

love

om

thankfullness

om

I can start. I can try. I try to begin. In the beginning. Word. Logos. Christ. Christ once again. Forever more. Ever more beautiful. Thank you.

Prayer. Healing. Life. Seed. Everything. Forever. Existing. Peace. Serving. Jihyd. its all one.

we're all one.

waking up. being born again. language. seeing language. being language.

Patience. om.

-----End----

I had wanted to write something beautiful, a poem that would convey the state and show all the disparate groups I communicate with how they are interconnected with each other and each other’s struggle. That all of our social justice issues are related and fixing one means fixing all. That we all need to work together for the revolutionary social change required to bring about a more just and ethical world. Unfortunately I just couldn’t get it out like I wanted to. So I am telling my story post hoc instead.

We spent the rest of the trip basically just hanging out and smoking herb.

Summary: This was one of my most powerful and enjoyable entheogenic experiences. I would definitely recommend this combination to others as I feel it seriously warrants further exploration. Before I took this tryp I was wondering if 5-MeO-DiPT was a mild MAOI. I felt like I had read that somewhere, but I couldn’t find where. From my experience I feel like maybe that is the case, because I felt like I had taken more mushrooms than I thought I had. Admittedly, I didn’t weigh them, I just eyeballed them, but it still felt like a much more powerful trip than that amount of shrooms should have given me. Maybe there is no MAOI effect at all however, and just really good synergy. Maybe it was due to the MAOI effect of the yohimbe I recently started taking. I haven’t tried the mushrooms since then until now. I will definitely be trying this combo again in the near future.

Up until this trip I haven’t felt like a shaman, just a shaman “in training”. Now I feel like I am a shaman, even if a fairly inexperienced one. I feel like I am still just beginning, but that I have enough power now to start working on healing myself. The infection that was in my nipple is now gone. The bronchitis was unnoticeable for a few hours, until I spent an hour walking home from the movies in the cold that night. But even after that it is still better than it was. Overall I am quite pleased with the shamanic practice I got in on this trip. I include the chanting and body postures in this category.

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