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chasing infinity and split-ego experiences, 4 grams

One sunny afternoon I took four grams of shrooms with a few friends of mine.

One sunny afternoon I took four grams of shrooms with a few friends of mine. As I am quite sensitive to these types of drugs, I instantly felt an out of body experience; when we were sitting around in a circle I was having the experience of being on an operating table and perceiving everything from the point of view of the patient, like in those movies where you get the perspective of the guy looking up and seeing strange persons with surgical masks on, examining you. It was pretty much an out-of-body experience. It also seemed to me as if communicating verbally with my friends was not reaching through to their true being, as I felt quite distanced and detached from them. It's like "reality" was a medium of communication, and we each were lost in our own wonderful world, hence making the communication through the medium an incomplete connection. I felt alone. As if I was the universe and everything was in me, and at the same time I felt minuscule and unimportant. Both, the feeling of supreme importance of being THE self-contained universe inside my mind, and at the same time realizing how unimportant I was in the grand scheme of things precisely because there was nothing beyond my self contained mind-universe, created a seemingly unending cycle of self-annihilating thoughts; I was perpetually chasing infinity, and always loosing my grip on it, only to start the cycle all over again. I was of course able to understand that there existed an outside stable place where everything would make sense once I stepped back into it, but until then I was trapped in some other, strange, wonderful lonely place. I did not seem to get 3-D hallucinations, but my "self" seems to have disconnected from my physical body, and I felt my mind racing through incomprehensible thoughts that were dangerously starting to make sense to me. At the peek of the experience I felt a 'being' emerge in my thought processes that talked to me, but not in words, or not even in images, but it connected directly to my conscience, and it was as if it was struggling to maintain existence. I guess you could label it as a split-ego, as I'm pretty sure it was my own self splitting up, but labeling it with a simple term undermines the horror and 'freshness' of the experience. Of course, the trip came down from there, and towards descending back to reality I started seeing beautiful patterns and colors that pulsated in ways no artist will ever be able to create on canvas. I then knew that whatever haunted my mind earlier was gone, and I was happy it wouldn't bother me again. I silently went to sleep, still seeing wild colorful patters with my eyes shut. I woke up the next day, and felt pretty refreshed. I think I'm opting for 6 grams next time around...

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