i just want to tell about this, not to bring anyone down, but because rite now I can't really sleep, because of a bad trip and amybe this will help.
I weigh under 100 lbs and i ate 4 grams of shrooms. The first time i tripped it was wonderful, I had people around me and I learned a lot about myself. THis time, I tripped with the same people, but i was in a realtionship that was breaking apart, for various reasons. I started tripping, about 30 min after i ate them, i went outside, tosmoke a joint with these "friends". The sky was covered in haxcagons, within hexagons, with colorful faces and pictures, a fractal kaledoiscope, it was very beautiful and I was enjoying it, but at the same time, i was suspicious of the people around me, and i was getting scared. My ex-transition-boyfriend looked at me and he knew i was having a bad trip, and he didn't reassure me, at this point i think i blacked out for a while, and i had images of an androgenous womans crotch and then i had to go to the bathroom, while i was "blacked out" and my senses were varoiously shuting down, i shit and peed al l over myself. There was this girl there who said stuff to me while i was tripping. I was scared. I wok up and felt like everything had fastforwarded. I went to the bathroom again, and i though about my fat grandmother, and the fact that my passions are controlled by my bowels. There were three dogs in the house, i remembered the time my dad said that my boyfirend had the same eyes as my dog. I was suspicious that the people in the house. I wok up and they were all naked, i thought that they had used my trip for exctacy for everyone, truippiong together as friends. the only problem was that they weren't telling me what happened when i balcked out, and i thought that were feeding my lies. I went and hid in a room, whimpering under the covers in someones bed, i was scared of these pictures and this feeling of loss of time, I was scared of the evil that i felt from the people and their influence on me. THey brought me upstairs to a bed, the nicest bed in the house, and took my keys from me, even though i wasn't polanning on driving anywhere. Getting "the best bed in the house" freked me out. i had read a love letter from my boyfriends ex which said,she loved getting "the best bed in the house" and i tried to leave, but my "friends" had pruposly gotten my car stuck in a pile of snow. I had asked my boyfirend what they were doing and he said "he went through a lot of trouble planning this and making sure my car was stuck". I wan't sure if this had happened to me before and these people had betrayed my memeory in this mental state, or lead me on in a "fruedian" experiment. I went ourside and these people triend to help me, but i was so scared of them. Put some headphones on me with music, and it actually really hjelped, it was the happiest cheeriest music. But i was freaking out because they were someone else's walkman, and i was scared to forget the bad poictures i had in my mind, because ti thought they were trying to keep me from the truth They were implying things that i thought might have happened to me. Talked about the crashtest dummies song "androgenous" i also became really cynical, and thought about my moms, cynicallism and some of the scarey dreams i had had as a kid. So i was scared out of my mind, and out in my car this freind of mine said come back in, you can have the best bed and so on, he asked me how to turn off the lights in my car, and i started fumbling for the switches but i couldn't find any of the knobs, even though i knew how to turn them off. I remembered that my car lights turn off in a few minutes if the car is off, but they kept asking me, then finally someonme turned them off. I went back in finally, even though i really didn't want to. my mind was reaching an pint of absolute excatacy, but i couldn't seem to enjou it at all. Zen music was playing, and i bagan to feel like i would bnnever come back, you know that feeling, i started talking telling about all the truths i knew in the deepest p-arts of my mind, even though i was scared to death of these people. i statted to come down a little bit, and some paranoid useless though came out, i chided myself for being a chatterduck. I was still tripping hard, but i felt really hot, relaxed, like being in the waters of an orgasm. Then i felt guilt or something, i got freaked out again, and at 3 in the morning i screamed at the top of my lungs. I listen to my heart, and it had stopped breathing, i was trying to control my sdelf, to help my self, and i couldn't breath, i realized that i hgadn't been excersizing, and my body needed more care. I realized that water is the beautful elixir of life, and somewhere there must exist an elevating water source. Then again, i began to "die" and everything was so silent and hollow, i thought i was in a ghost world. But i was still alive, and two or three people rushed into the room to help me. I couldn't look into my ex'boyfirends eyes, because they looked liked the devils eyes. i had to get a ride home about an hour later. I came down after 10 hours of tripping really hard. Im not sure if i can trust these opeople. they made a bid, but half-assed effort to tell me it was my imagination, but ive seen all these people lie with out any problem, and even though i used to think i was special,i don[t think i can trust that i am special enoughy to them that they wouldn't lie to me. Since i don't trust my own memorie i can't talk to them, and they won't talk to me. I f they were really my frineds, they would realize i had a bad trip and not call me a skitzo paradios freak. Rite now, i m trying to relish the truth and good parts of the trip, and find some new frineds who baleiv ein the positive, love, unity and trust. Im trying to keep my sense of humor.