A TRUE CALLING

WELL....IM SORT OF SCATTERED WHEN IT COMES TO WRITING SO BEAR WITH ME..... WELL IT WAS THE BEGINING OF SUMMER OF 1996. I WAS IN A CONVOY OF THREE YELLOW SCHOOL BUSES, HEADED FOR OUR SENIOR TRIP DESTINATION. THE DAY BEFORE I HAD PURCHASED BETWEEN AN EIGHTH AND A QUATER OF MUSHROOMS.THEY WERE STRANGE.......I MEAN I HAVE EATEN SEVERAL VARITIES OF SHROOMS BEFORE, BUT THESE WERE VERY SHORT AND STUBBY LOOKING, HAD A BRITE WHITE COLOR TO THE OUTSIDE OF THEM(THEY DID HAVE A PURPULE HUE TO THEM).

WHILE SITTING NEXT TO ONE OF MY BEST FREINDS,I REACHED DOWN INTO MY BACKPACK AND GRABBED MY BAGGIE AND A QUART OF GATORADE. I LOOKED AT MY FREIND AND SAID,"WHY DONT WE MAKE THIS A REAL TRIP". HE WAS SUPRISED TO SEE WHAT I OFFERED AND PONDERED THE PROPOSAL. I GRABED ALMOST OVER HALF THE BAG, THREW THEM INTO MY MOUTH AND BEGAN THE RITUAL OF GRINDING THE FUNGIS FOR CONSUMTION. AS I QUAFFED HALF THE BOTTLE OF GATORADE AND SWALLOWED, ALMOST INSTANTANOUSLY HALF OF THE SWALLOWED SHROOMS CAME BACK UP AT FULL FORCE. I CLAMPED MY MOUTH SHUT, AND THE LIQUIDFIED MUSHES HIT THE BACK OF MY TEETH AND BOUNCED BACK DOWN INTO MY THROAT. MY FREIND WHO IS KNOWN FOR BEING VERY RESERVED AND QUITE, TURNED RED AND LAUGHED UNCONTROLABLY TO THE POINT THAT THE ENTIRE BUS STOPPED SOCIALIZING AND LOOKED DIRECTLY OUR WAY. ME STILL TRYING NOT TO GAG, MY FRIENDS LAUGHTER THE ONLY SOUND, THE ENTIRE BUS LOOKING AND THEN POINTING.....MADE A DIFFICULT SITUTATION. I MURMURED SOMETHING TO MY NEW FOUND AUDIENCE AND THE ENTIRE BUS ERUPTED IN LAUGHTER(I WAS ELECTED CLASS CLOWN, NO SHIT), I MEAN EVEN THE TEACHERS WERE LAUGHING. SO AFTER THE PEOPLE ON THE BUS BEGAN TO SOCIALIZE AGAIN... I FELT MUCH BETTER.

MY FREIND SAYS,"WHAT THE HELL, GIVE EM HERE" AND TAKES THE REST. WELL IT WAS AN HOURS BUS RIDE TO LAKE GENEVA( A FOREST AND BEACH NEXT TO LAKE MICHIGAN)MY TRIP SOON STARTED AND MAN WAS IT ROUGH. FIRST, MY EQULIBERIUM WAS SO BAD TO THE POINT I MOVED LIKE I WAS DEAD DRUNK. MY VOICAL CHORDS SEEMED BURNED, I COULD ONLY MUTTER SOME OUTLANDISH STATEMENT AT A LOUD LEVEL. THE BUS DRIVERS HEAD BEGAN TO SHIFT ALL THE WAY AROUND SO I COULD SEE HER FACE....EVEN THOUGH I KNEW SHE WAS FACING THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION.MY FREINDS TRIP BEGAN TO TAKE AHOLD, BUT HE WAS TRYING TO HIDE IT. I GAVE HIM TEN DOLLARS. HE SAID,"WHAT IN THE HELL IS THIS FOR?". I SAID,"FOR YOUR SUN GLASSES." I THEN REACHED OVER AND RIPPED HIS IMINITAION OAKLEYS OFF, AND THREW THEM ON THE BUS FLOOR AND BEGAN TO STOMP ON THEM WITH ALL THE FORCE MY STEEL TOES WOULD ALLOW. I BEGAN TO LAUGH HONESTLY ONE OF THE MOST HARDEST I HAVE EVER IN MY LIFE. THIS TRIPPED HIM OUT REALLY BAD(I FELT KINDA BAD AFTER THE TRIP). HE GOT UP AND SCURRIED TO THE BACK OF THE BUS. IT TURNS OUT THAT THE ONLY AVAILABLE SEAT WAS NEXT TO A TEACHER TO OVERSSEE THE STUDENTS BEHAVIOR ON THE TRIP.HE SAT DOWN FOR LIKE TWO SECONDS, REALIZED WHO HE WAS NEXT TO AND THEN CAME BACK TO WERE I WAS SITTING. HE SAID,"DUDE PLEASE, JUST STOP I CANT HANDLE ANYTHING" WELL, WE WERE GETTING CLOSE TO OUR DESTINATION. I REACHED DOWN INTO MY BACKPACK AND PULLED OUT A BAG OF RED MAN CHEWING TOBACCCO. I PUT A HUGE HUNK OF LEAVES INTO MY MOUTH AND BEGAN TO CHEW. NEVER CHEW TOBACCO WHEN YOU SHROOM. SOMEHOW, WEATHER I IMAGINED THIS OR NOT........THIS TOBACCO JUICE SEEMED TO BE ENTERING DIRECTLY INTO MY BLOODSTREAM VIA MY GUMS. THIS GAVE ME LOCKJAW AND A TRUE PAIN SENSATION. AS SOON AS I COULD I SPIT THE TOBACCO OUT OF MY MOUTH. I SWEAR I DIDNT TRY TO DO THIS...... BUT IT LANDED RIGHT ON MY FREINDS FEET(HE WAS WEARING FLIP FLOPS)HE SCREAMED,"MY FEET ARE BLACK!"I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD I WAS IN PURE PAIN FROM MY STOMACH HURTING.LUCKILY THE BUS STOPPED ABOUT A MINUTE LATER AT OUR DESTINATION. AS SOON AS THE BUS DOORS OPENED, I BEGAN TO HEAR AN EAGLES CALL COMING FROM THE FOREST. ERRAW!ERRAW!ERAAW!OVER AND OVER. MY FREIND SAID,"GET AWAY FROM ME". SO I RAN OUT OF THE BUS AT A DEAD SPRINT TO THE FOREST TO TRY AND FIND THIS EAGLE. I RAN PRETTY DEEP IN THIS FOREST, ERRAW!ERRAW!! THE EAGLE NOISES WERE EVERYWERE. WELL, I CLIMBED A TREE AND SAT ON A BRANCH TO FIND THIS EAGLE. WELL IT TURNS OUT THAT I LOST TRACK OF TIME.I GUESS I WAS UP THERE FOR OVER FOUR HOURS BECAUSE MY VICE PRINCIPLE FOUND ME. I WAS SHIRTLESS AND MAKING EAGLE CALLS OUT OF A TREE. TURNS OUT THAT I WAS THE ONE MAKING THE EAGLE SOUND THE WHOLE TIME. HOW I EXPLAINED MYSELF OUT OF THAT SITUATUION I WILL NEVER KNOW. I RETURNED TO THE BUSES WHICH ALL THREE WERE PACKED WITH ALL THE STUDENTS, THEY WERE WAITING FOR ME, I WAS THE LAST ONE. UPON SEEING ME STROLL UP TO THE BUS SHIRTLESS MY BUDDY STICKED HIS HEAD OUT THE WINDOW AND SCREAMED,"ERRAW!ERRAW!" THIS BROUGHT ME TO MY KNEES WITH LAUGHTER INCLUDING THE ENTIRE BUS, I ENDED UP GETTING SUSPENDED FOR " INAPPORPIATE CONDUCT" MY LAST WEEK OF HIGH SCHOOL. IT WAS WORTH IT.....ONE HELL OF A TRIP.