wild cubes at dawn

so anyways i was at work and the day before i picked maybe 15 large cubensis in the valley near where i lived. i have done mushrooms a couple of times but there is always this anxiety when you pick them yourself... i.e maybe they are not the right ones, even though all of these bruised bright blue. they were lovely- none had let go of their spores yet. i was talking to a girl that i had worked with a couple of times and i mention that i have mushrooms in my work locker. she starts to tell me the times that she has tripped and i ask her if she wants to do them with me... this is for a lot of reasons- she is nice, she has few friends in the city i live in and she has a kickass place for tripping- also i want someone cool to trip with and i figure she will be fun.

we go back to her house at about seven am- not really dawn hehehe but the title was good, no?, and i realise that this is the best apartment to tip ever. it has a great view of the ocean that is maybe 25 meters from her front balcony. i boil up all the shrooms in honey and figure that there is no such thing as tripping too hard! i tell her however, so she doesn't freak out, that we are going to have a medium trip. she gets a bit nervous and says ok, but let's not eat them, just drink the tea. she doesn't know that the spores are the most potent and psylocibin is totally water soluable i guess.

so we drink the tea with honey and it doesn't taste too bad- i totally reccomend this form of ingestion as there is no nausea whatsoever and the honey sort of calms you down. we then decide we have time to go down the road to my friend's house to get music to listen too while we trip. i had left my chicane cd's there the day before. so as we come back (there was no answer)we both start laughing our asses off. (mental note- i only get the giggles when tripping with people- not alone) then i look up to the clouds and see gian aztec designs and a head like that one mr burns gives homer in the simpsons. it is then i realise that this will be one wild ride.

we go inside and i start to see the colours. the pot plant near her fridge is swaying- everything is moving and splotches on my skin change colours like the chloroplasts in squid. the ocean is like jelly oozing up and down the beach and the surfers ride the jelly as it crashes down on blue grey yellowy (yes i know.. doesn't work) sand. the sky has ceased to be any one complete colour but instead is a literal kaleidascope of fuschias, aquas and greens. i am then blessed with seeing what i call "the mushroom people"- who i feel are entities that come and visit us while we trip. two wind sprites sail by on a zephyr of blue wind and before me the lady of the mushrooms opens her veil to reveal the multiverse inside her robes. at this point i turn my attention to my friend, who i shall call A, who is sitting there saying nothing, much the same as i was.

communication was not difficult between us. actually it seemed as though we barely needed words. before we had started the trip, as i often do, i had made us both write down want we wanted to achieve from this experience. i wanted to learn more about my motivations behind relationships and A, who has recently broken up with her long term boyfriend and was suffering a bit of depression, had mine written for her. for her to realise why she must love herself- and why she would want to.

it is at this stage that we really start to settle into the trip and have some fun. i drop a cup of water on the tiles accidently and then, for some reason, decide to sit in it. we are both in no time on the floor rolling around in the water like crocodiles, splashing ourselves with the cups we had got earlier and feeling the lovely coolness of our fingertips trailing all over our bodies. (we are not touching each other). after a while we exhaust this and we start to wander around the apartment. i walk out on the balcony and then go to find A, who has gotten herself lost in a mirror! i grab her away and she starts to gasp and said "oh my god! thanks! i could have stayed there for hours!" she then looks at me and begins to laugh. before i ask her why i look at her and realise that she is starting to alternately swell up like a balloon and deflate into a gorgeous model! she is actually very beautiful but i think i only really appreciated how pretty she was. "you are so beautiful" i say to her, and she smiles and says" you are as well". my hair that has been recently bleached she desrcibes as alternately changing colours to match her moods.

we then go sit out on the balcony and watch the ocean for the rest of the peak of the trip. just sitting here with her i begin to understand her more than any other peson i have ever met. she is lost, she is confused and she is a little scared of life- like every other young person i have met. i tell her i feel the same- that there is no reason for her to be alone as i will be there for her if she needs it. we talk about growing up, relationships and how we both feel about other people in our lives. after a while i look down and see someone else that we sork with on the grass, but she is an elf and she is dancing. it made me realise that i have not been good to her and have been using her to make myself feel better. i must stop this pattern of behaviour.

then the really interesting thing happens; as we talk i suddenly realise that i don't know if i am me, or if i am her. i ask her and she doesn't know either! we are still able to communicate. it makes me realise that we are not our bodies- we are all aspects of the same conciousness. i tell her that i am in love with her, which is crazy because i am gay. i then realise what love is really all about. not about sex but that melding of minds. not necessarily not knowing who you are but being so attuned that you don't need to. we lament a bit about me being gay and how beautiful it could have been, but i realise that i carry far too much baggage to be with anyone at the moment. i must work myself out first.

i play with the visuals inside my head for a while and we talk about spirituality and i try and introduce her to some of the fundamentals of my ideology for life- not as a tutor but as someone seeking confirmation. she tells me that i am so intelligent, that i am wasting my life working in hospitality, things i know but am too afraid to change. we sit and watch the ocean until i realise that the visuals have stopped. i don't care. it is all still beautiful. the trip may be over but my new life has really just begun.

author's note: i am not sorry this is so long. so many of you say that but why ? if you don't want to read it to the end then don't but you miss out. don't be afraid to say everything you need to in trip reports.

i have been suffering from depression for the last two years. i think that this is ending. not because, chemically, of mushrooms but because on this trip i realised how much i love myself. so does A. we are still friends but a little scared of how well we know each other. sometimes we finish each other's sentences. oh, and remember people, mushrooms are not psylocibin or spores or anything like that. they are magic. keep them that way. i love you all!