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Confusion

Ok so i have tripped a good amount of times before, a bunch on acid and only a few times on mushrooms.



Ok so i have tripped a good amount of times before, a bunch on acid and only a few times on mushrooms. This time was different due to the fact that i ate a whole eigth. Me and my friends have been trying to find some good mushron for some time now, and when we finally got a hold of it, it seemed too good to be true. It was me and my three friends who will be R, M, and A. We munched them down around 7:30 with some oj which tasted horrible, and i almost threw up a few times. Around 8:30 or so my trip started to come on and i noticed some bright colors and the overall different body feeling. After what seemed like hours (it was really probably only 15 minutes) my trip was coming on pretty hard and everything was completely warped or moving, like liquid vision. A was getting sick and started puking all over the porch. I thought this was hilarious, but her boyfriend M was trying to console her. Meanwhile, R and a new friend who wasn't shrooming came over and they were playing ping pong downstairs. This is where things started to go bad, i was overwhelmed with a feeling of isolation, as if everyone in this situation had a companion except for me. My thoughts and feelings of solitude started to take over my whole mind, and i became so deeply imbeaded in thought it was as if no other sense in my body worked except for my thoughts. When i closed my eyes, i could still see whatever i saw before i closed them, making my eyes completely useless. I felt trapped. Then some more people came over (also non trippers, NOT a good bunch of people to have over) and it just increased me feeling left out. At this point, it was around 10 oclock. I looked at the clock and could not make any sense of the numbers that it read. Time was completely meaningless and i struggled to understand what i was supposed to do. I found my way into R's room and turned off the lights because they scared me, i layed on his couch and was completely baffled as to what i was supposed to do. I didn't know whether i was cold or hot, tired or energetic. THis feeling started to spill into the long run, i didn't know what i was supposed to do at the time and then i didn't know what i was supposed to do with my life. I started to think about the role i assume at highschool, and whether or not i wanted the girlfriend i had. I was overwhelmed wiht thoughts of my struggling band, searching for answers like will we make it? I've never thought so hard on mushrooms as i did this night. Then i started feeling naucious and i went into the bathroom. I started to feel like i would throw up but i never did. I layed on the floor and tried to convince myself i was alright but i just couldn't. I was freaking out, and i still really don't know why. I could hear people outside saying my name but i didn't understand that it was my name, i was completely lost in identity and couldn't get out. Then the bathroom tiles on the floor started to whisper to me, and they assumed the voice of my mother. Thoughts of suicide came into my mind, and i felt as if i'd never come out of my trip. I was convinced i was permanantly crazy. It was weird. After a while i made my way out of the bathroom and to other human contact. I went upstaris and out to the porch where there were about 10 people, 3 of them being tripping. THis was pretty overwhelming when everyone began to call my name and ask my whereabouts. I found a seat on the far end of the porch and reached a state of mental emancipation. I was overwhelmed with the beauty of the trees and grass. Nature seemed to beautiful, nothing else mattered. I spent the next hour or so feeling as if i was on an imaginary pedastol to everyone else around me, i felt superior. I felt as if no one could understand me, and that no one was as deep as me ( a feeling that has carried over somewhat still today). I began to almost detest my friends for being so shallow, it seemed as if no one would talk about anything except getting fucked up or making stupid jokes to get a cheap laugh. WE all went inside and i watched people play ping pong, i saw every blemich and imperfection in everyone, i was kind of a bad way to thinl, but i started to dislike a lot of things that i was seeing in humanity. I missed my friend N who had moved away to the beach, and who was really teh only person i have ever liked tripping with. This was a very intense experience and i can't even come close to describing it's depth. Around 4 i finaly was coming down and fell asleep. To this day, i only like tripping alone. Partly because all my friends, i'd hate to say it, are shallow. But what do you expect in highschool, and partly because a trip into your own mind can be very enlightening. I learned a miniscule amount on this trip, not even beginning to dent the whole world of knowledge that is available. Thanks for reading this, have fun and stay safe.

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