confusing cohesion

This is kinda long, but I didnt want to take anything out. It was very meaningful for me.

dose: 1.75 grams dried and crushed p. cubensis
trip level: a high level 2

I had been trying to get ahold of some mushrooms for about a month with no luck. Nobody seemed to have any, and when someone got some they used them up pretty quick. Finally, I came across a friend of a friend with a little extra and I bought 5.5 grams of some pretty potent shrooms.

I couldnt wait to try them (ive used acid a few time, but not had any visuals), so i wanted to eat them that night. I had school the next day, but decided I just wouldnt go if I didnt feel like it so I wouldnt have to worry about time. I mixed about 1.5 - 1.75 grams of crushed shrooms into a cup of yogurt and gulped it down. The taste was there, but wasnt too strong. No aftertaste at all because of the yogurt, it worked wonders. At first i wanted to try a higher dose because i didnt want to have a "small" trip, I wanted a big experience. I decided on smaller, just because I wanted to take my time and show a little respect. I wasnt expecting much, if anything at all...but boy was I wrong.

About 15 minutes after I ate them I thought I might be feeling something. 10 minutes after that, I KNEW I was feeling something. I felt stoned, like I had smoked a few bowls, but my thoughts were still mildly coherent. A few mintes later I started to feel pressures pushing and pulling on my body. My first visual sign was when I saw a reflection of light out of the corner of my eye which had no source at all...There was one light on in the room, and no windows. I just laughed for no reason. I heard about the laughing, but for some reason it felt wrong. It almost hurt to laugh somehow, I cant explain it. It was about this time that I started to feel some sort of physical anxiety come over me. It wasnt mental, I was feeling very happy, I just started to feel like my legs were cramping up even though they werent. It was weird and very uncomfortable. I started getting hot and cold flashes coming in waves every five minutes or so, and the trip was only intensifying. These were the worst side effects...a nervous tension in my legs and arms, and not being able to tell if I was hot or cold. I must have turned my fan on and off 100 times trying to figure out the temperature. But every once in a while I would just get this warm whole body feeling, like I was just content with everything. It never lasted very long, but it was amazing. Every time it happened i would burst out laughing...thats when i noticed laughing seemed more natural.

I was about an hour into the trip by now, but it felt like I had been tripping all day. I decided to do a few tests on myself. I tried to remember certain events, people, places, etc.. and found it took no effort at all. I got up and walked around, and it felt like I was 10 feet tall. It was hilarious and I starting laughing again. Not normal laughter, more like some weird giggle. I felt like a child, it was so cool.

So now for the visuals. The first visual experiment was just looking at the wall. I just stared at it for a few seconds, and the whole thing just started pulsing and changing color. Ive never had visuals on acid and its something I always wanted, so right then at that moment it was the most amazing thing I have ever seen. I quickly looked at the carpet, with is a solid blue color. I instantly saw shapes of strange looking lizards and dragons (i dont know why) outlined in white on the carpet. The longer I stared at it, the more they started crawling around, sometimes in time with the music. Eventually the whole floor atarted moving under my feet, and I swear I could actually feel it scraping the bottom of my shoes as it swirled around. It was simply the most visually stimulating thing I have ever experienced. I couldnt take my eyes off the floor, or anything else, the entire rest of the night. The closed eye visuals were also cool, but I was much more interested in the open eye visuals. I must have wandered around the room looking at everything for at least an hour, and by this time i had hit the peak. I also noticed I had to go to the bathroom, so I made the nearly impossible 10 foot trek. Once inside I again couldnt help but stare at everything with my mouth wide open in awe. Everywhere there was light reflected on the walls was flowing like a river, full of pictures of lizards again.

This is when I got gutsy. I closed the window shade, and sat on the middle of the floor...reached my hand up, and turned the lights off. The room was bitch black, but I wouldnt have known it. I instantly left my body as the room grew 10 times bigger and now full of flashing lights, people, and music. I stood up for a second but couldnt keep my balance at all, it was all too overwhelming. I started to get nervous so I turned the lights back on...but they didnt come on! Instead they very slowly faded in. Looking at the walls, spots of light started to appear with some sort of blue pixel stuff spreading out. It looked like something straight out of a bizzare sci fi movie. I was so excited about everything that I just couldnt contain myself. So now that my nervousness had passed and my mouth was again wide open, i thought about using the mirror and chose to give it a go. I had been advised not to, but I thought what the hell, it cant be all that bad. One look in the mirror and my face started getting bigger...It was hilarious. It just started growing like a balloon, but my eyes mouth and nose stayed in the same place. I started giggling again and came to realize that i was way overstimulated.

The whole trip so far had taken a little over 2 hours, but it felt like an eternity. I felt very tired so I tried to get some sleep...it proved to be impossible. My tenseness starting creeping back, and within about 10 seconds my trip went from amazing, to awful. I started thinking about how much i wanted it to end so I could sleep, and how uncomfortable my legs felt. I couldnt relax at all and kept having to stand up and walk around to try to shake out the anxiety in my body. I ended up watching tv for a few hours while I waited to come down, and my normal thought proccess was slowly returning, at least enough to finally fall asleep.

While laying in bed though, there were several times when I became disconnected from myself, forgot who I was and where I was, and just didnt exist. It made so much sense at the time, but now when I try to think about it, my head starts to hurt. I felt so insightful at the time like I knew everything, but now Its just confusing trying to think about it. One thing I thought about while lying in the dark was all the chemicals I have put into my body over the years. I couldnt understand how I could have done some of things I have done to myself. I almost felt embarrased, like someone had been watching me do these stupid things and I didnt realize it until now.

When I woke up in the morning I felt awful. All day I was in a daze, still feeling a bit unbalanced. Trying to think back on it, I would say it was about 70% good, and 30% bad. The bad parts were the terrible physical side effects. I could have dealt with the bad thoughts that came later if I hadnt felt so uncomfortable and confused about if I was hot or cold. It was quite unnerving.

So I still have a full 1/8th left and am already making plans to do it again soon. I would like to try it during the day this time, and spend more time outdoors, maybe with a friend I trust. I thought the dose wouldnt be enough, but I think it was actually too intense for me. I know it will be better next time because i know more what to expect, but I dont think i will increase the dose. I love to lose that connection with reality, but I hate going overboard and forgetting EVERYTHING. Its very hard for me to let my mind go. So in conlusion, shrooms arent some wonderful magical substance in my mind, just different. I dont know if I will do them again after my current supply is gone, but I will always have the experience in my mind.