Thoughts of Life

well, after a rather distressing albeit enlightening trip on cubensis (fanaticus strain) 53 weeks ago, it was time to determine if the stress and concomitant k use of that time was what tarnished the cubensis trip.........

after a day of vigorous hiking and wonderful scenery complete with soaring hawks, good companionship, and a hearty meal, 7 grams of cubensis was ingested, and the subject lay down in a dark quiet room, with the only sound being the falling rain, occaisionally hitting on the heater vent.

40 minutes, and a song (hey margarina) repeatedly ran through the subjects head, and the occaisional tapping of the large raindrops on the heater vent rang out like a gong, and it seemed FILLED with *meaning*....providing an irregular staccato punctuation to the thoughts rambling through the subjects head. .....you know how you have a picture of the room even when it is dark and your eyes are closed?...well the subjects picture of the room altered to include heavy vines, large ferns, and dancing beatles and mushrooms.....for a second, the dreaded mantis apeared but was chased away by the beatles and mushrooms....the ferns and beatles were decorated with the familiar striped indian patterns, and the mushrooms said that this is because this is where they come from and it is the soul of the people who used them for so long.......the subject was abjectly cold, but laughed at this, .....indeed it was almost impossible not to laugh, although there was this feeling that if they did not loose control and laugh, then they would not have as hard of a time coming down the next day.

occaisionally the subject got up to urinate, and with the lights on, everything looked surrealistically bright, and vibrant, with spontaneous movement and morphing of edges of the surroundings........90 minutes after the initial ingestion, the subject topped off the dose with 4 more grams hoping to be disconected from this world......apparently used to stronger stuff (k), this minor distortion seemed like a cheat.

additionally, mental functions turned to many thoughts about life, and self.....many doors that perhaps should be left closed were stared at, but recognizing the dangers from the last trip, the subject appropriately left these closed.......these were thoughts about age, parents, lovers.....actually the two things that came out of the trip that were directly applicable to real life were a realization that in the subjects relationships there was a tendancy to repeatedly perform the same mistakes......so easily identified now under the influence.....the subject would have to mention this the next day to their lover (they did)....and the realization that a new phase of the subjects life had been entered, and it was OK to leave go some of the obsessions of the past (not as easy, but k also has said this).......

the next day, tired, slightly depressed, and somewhat dissapointed because there was no real disorienting alteration of perception.

overall, usefull, but not worth repeating for the subject....probably the last time at least in a long time that the subject will use this agent...

sorry t.m. the subject just doesnt get it. perhaps a larger dose would be better, but the unwanted doors that were on the edge of being distressing would probably be unstoppable with an even higher dose, and the visualizations were not really strong enough to be interesting, they were more an IMPRESSION of an image than an actual image, the revalations where perhaps useful, but not unobtainable with the use of less distressfull agents........

k is ok is k is ok is k is ok is k is ok.

psylocin otoh is not for the k doctor.