Spiritually Terified

I don't know where to begin,I went on a long-weekend visit with friends at a college near our home. (We are all still in high school). I had only met the people that I went up to the school with and one other person who I would be tripping with. We tripped the second night we were there. I had never tripped before and being in a unfamilar place, with my head filled with bad karma (I was just getting over an awful break-up with my boyfriend). I still thought that I loved him and there was nothing that I could do for weeks prior to put myself in a good mood. Needless to say, I probably was not in a good state to be tripping for the first time. We ate the shrooms and Samantha and I were chillin' watched Dazed and Confused and suddenly it just hit us. We both looked at each other and cracked up. I was coming up for about 15-20 minutes. Things were going pretty well. I was typing on instant messager to someone who used to go to my school and immediately I felt totally focused. My fingers flew across the keys, I have never been able to concentrate that well on anything before in my life. I didn't make any errors and I felt like I was moving at the speed of light. Then we went downstairs to a dance, and I began to get frigthened. The rug took on many levels and raised up before my eyes. My other friend arrived and her nose became quite large and her neck was long and skinny. She scared the hell out of me. I couldn't talk to her. I stared at a wooden door for a long time and it just blended together and created these amazing patterns. Then we went back upstairs and this girl gave me this look; her blond hair turned green, and her face morphed into a vampire with insanely long and sharp teeth. She just changed, right before my eyes. I was so terrified. I tried ot calm down, but everytime I closed my eyes it was as if i was running through my brain, through these intricate channels of florcent green and purple. It was like a rollercoaster. I couldn't snap out of it. I became frightened that I would never come down. I began laughing and crying simoltaniously. Then I started to think about life and what was going on, and it was as if I could see my soul and it had black spots on it and I no matter how hard I scrubbed I could not clean it. I felt like such a terrible person. That my morals had just crashed down around me, and I was realizing for the first time. Then I couldn't feel anything, I lost touch with everyone around me, I curled up in a ball and was totally disconnected from everything that was happening around me. My mind was on another level and I couldn't come down. I just remember thinking that I could finally see everything and tomorrow I would spend the rest of forever trying to attain the perspective that I could see things from right then. But I knew that I couldn't. I felt so scared. It was the scariest experience of my life. I was terrified that I would never come down. But it felt as though there was a warm blanket of energy around me. Like I could never be alone and cold, even though everything was wrong. But it was definately the most frightening experience of my life and I can't remember the bad parts well enought to describe them for you. It is as if it was so horrible that my mind just blocked them out, and left a dark, mindless void, with an overwhelming sense of the terror that had ensued in the bowls of my soul. I haven't tripped since, but I probably will again soon. I think that I have to go into with the right mindset and now I know what to expect. Even though the bad parts of my trip were exorbinately bad, I felt an awakening of sorts. I have felt much more conscience of my actions and place in the world since I have tripped. I felt that I grew a lot and was able to get all of the bad feelings trapped inside of me out in one terenchal wave. I felt closer to God and that he really existed, and I just knew, for no other reason than that. I just knew. Well, I have some to learn that mushrooms arn't for the weak-hearted, and I hope to experiment more soon, but only when I am in an enviornment where I feel totally safe. I hope you were able to relate to my trip report, and all I want to say is if you have any doubts at all in your mind about tripping, don't do it. Wash away all the bad that you can before you decide to trip.

-SublimeGirl