Pure Fatigue

The trip I am going to share with you was my 10th or 11th experience with mushrooms. My friend Mike and i had been trying to get a hold of some shrooms for some time and when they finally arrived in our pockets we were rather impatient to try them. I had purchased about a 1/4 ounce of dried shrooms. I sold one eight to Mike and kept the rest for myself. Before the day of our trip another of our friends Sean asked if he could partake in the trip as well. Mike and I had tripped together before and had great times but Sean we had never tripped with before. We grudgingly accepted him into the experience. We are both friends with Sean, but he is one of those people who's personality doesn't seem like it would work well with psychedelics. Meaning that he would take mushrooms to get really "fucked up" rather than to expand his perception and view of the world in which we live. This set a kind of ackward feel to the trip from the start. I know I should have picked up on this and changed the situation but my impatience prevented me from doing so.
It was a Saturday and we planned to trip after I got off of work at six. I had worked before tripping before and been fine but for some reason I was exceptionally tired after work. Once again ignoring my instincts I decided to trip anyway. Mike and I gave Sean about 1.5 grams, I ate the rest of my bag, about three grams, and Mike had about two grams of his bag. We munched in my basement and played pool while we decided what we were going to do for the rest of the night. The new Star Wars movie had come out about a week before and i figured the visual effects created by the movie would be intense. Mike half heartedly agreed, but Sean protested. He wasn't really interested in Star Wars at all. I backed down and we decided that we would go to a local park and just smoke some weed and hopefully by then we would know what we wanted to do. The trip started out rather nicely. As we walked throught the park visuals became more and more apparent and a euphoric feeling began to creep upon me. But this was soon ruined by Mikes need for constant structure. When I trip time has never been an issue, it is usually the first thing that slips from my perception. This is usually one of the best things about trips because two minutes can be an hour. Mike kept bringing up the time and was constantly wanting to have a plan of action. I was getting annoyed and told him in a rather unpleasent way to try and forget about time and plans and just go with your instincts. this started an arguement that made my spirits drop considerably. Finally, since Mike and Sean wanted to go somewhere else I suggested the movie again. Since they couldn't come up with a better idea they agreed this time. We went to the theatre and the line was huge. There was a huge mass of people in this long hallway and it was mass choas. I immedietly felt great discomfort and paranoia. Too many people saying too many different things and way too much confusion. The only thing that kept us there was that we ran into one of my friends who was at the front of the line and he let us cut. The movie was starting soon so we figured we could handle a few more minutes of hell. I had hoped that once we got into the theatre things would calm down and that we would be able to relax and enjoy the trip. We payed and got to our seats. I had envisioned being able to isolate ourselves from the crowd, but this was nearly impossible due to the number of people in the theatre. We sat down and tried to get comfortable. My visuals were going like mad, the retarded pre-movie trivia questions on the screen were bubbling and melting off the screen. This theatre is rather old and is actually a refurished theater for dramatic plays. The ceiling is very high and has a blue dome with white clouds painted on it. For a few minutes I was able to relax and enjoy the visuals. I was staring very wide eyed at the blue dome above when I was his by a massive wave of self-consciousness. I felt that everyone in the room was looking at me funny and this disturbed me greatly. Furthermore the seats in the theatre were really shity and mode it extremely difficult to get comfortable. I looked over to Mike and Sean and saw that they we starting to feel the same way as well. The movie hadn't even started yet and we were already wanting to leave this horrible situation. So finally we got up and walked out. We didn't even ask for our money back we wanted out of that situation quick. After being completly mind fucked for about 45 minutes we walked back to the car. Then the fatigue that I mentioned earlier hit me hard. My body didn't want to move, I was too tired to be motivated enough to get myself in good spirits again. We sat in my car completly bummed and tried to decide where to go from there. Sean mentioned this party but it was a binch of people I knew but never really liked and I really didn't want to go and see more masses of people. Since we were in a state of confusion we decided to drive over there and at least check it out.
During the drive I went through a series up radical emotional peaks and drops. I would all of the sudden say, "Fuck people, lets go to the party and just get plowed." in high hopes that this would cure my lack of happiness. But then two minutes later I would realize how tired I was and not want to go. As we pulled in the driveway I thought about the situation we were about to enter and decided to bail. I was too tired and pissed off to party and wanted to go to bed. I left Mike and Sean at the driveway and drove home. I hoped I would be able to mellow out with some music and my guitar. when I got to my room I soon discoved i was too tired even for that, so I decided to try and sleep. I had never felt such fatigue before. My body just refused to put forth any energy. It had only been about four hours since consumption and my mind was still tripping hard. But my body didn't have the energy to actually make it an enjoyable experience. I spent the next three hours curled in a ball trying to sleep desperatly. I went off on this really depressing trip thinking about how shity my life was. The strange thing was that I knew that it would all be over in a few hours and that I would feel totally different in the morning. Even with this in mind I was not able to escape th depression I felt. Finally I was able to sleep and it was over.

I learned a great deal from this experience. I already knew that situations with a lot of unknown people around can turn any trip sour, but I never expected the theater to be so crowded and I never expected Mike and I to argue at all. All in in all bad timeing and bad decision making ruined this trip for me. Although it was unpleasent I have been able to get back to the truly euphoric trips since then. I took it as a learning experience and tryed to make the best of. Thanks for reading my report and please choose your environment carefully when using any psychedelic.