Philosophy and Shrooms

one thing I should tell ya, which Im sure you all know by now is to Never take shrooms if you are stressed out. I always was aware of this, but mushroom season came around and I wasn't about to miss out on the first trip of the year with my boyfriend and our buddy Dan. I realized that I had a philosophy test the next day and a math test but I just figured reading philosophy would be fun on shrooms. any ways we had a bunch of fresh blue ringers we had just picked, and we all must have had a decent amount. I didn't think I had that many. our trip hit in pretty quick and we were playing GTA 3. I looked around the room and saw my math book looming on the table over in the corner, I recall being some what excited about trying math problems, so I walked over and settled into my seat. I not only couldn't understand what I was trying to learn but I couldn't remember the reasoning of math in general. All the numbers sat there and eventually started to melt together. This was going to be harder than I thought. I began to ponder what the hell math had been created for seeing as it served no obvious purpose to me at that time. I decided I would go and read some philosophy and let my head clear out a bit. I went into my bedroom and I tried to ignore the guys in the other room. I began to read "The Leviatian" and I started to recall stuff from class, by John Locke. I started thinking about how these philosophers thought that we were not social creatures and we are forced to be social creatures, by the laws we placed upon ourselves in order to survive as a pack, since one could not survive so well alone. life started to seem pretty bleak and scary. I wondered about our environment and how we have been enslaving ourselves in society. at this point I was breathing heavy, and bitting my nails. The words became pictures in my mind or maybe more like the words were what I was seeing in front of me, the room filled with an urgencey that I couldnt place a it felt very small and then very large, the walls were breathing with me. my boyfriend walked in from the other room and I pointed it out to him that "they were right.. we arn't social creatures." none the less he told me to calm down. I stopped reading and laid back on the bed trying to get those things out of my mind, but I was already to far gone into it, I was crying, my mind was in a million different places. I turned on Wagner thinking it would help me, it did the oposite, the german opera singers were making me nervous, but I was entranced, I couldnt turn it off. my boyfriend came back into the room and found me obviously in a bad state. he convinced me to come out to the front room, where they were playing GTA still. I felt disgusting watching. I couldn't believe how boring and false humans had become from when they were in their natural state, I felt like we didnt deserve to live. I started screaming at the them to turn it off as I went from laughs to tears. my boyfriend came to comfort me but I wouldn't let him touch me (since we weren't social animals and all) I finally decided the best thing for me to do would be to die. I wouldn't have to have these maddening thoughts any more, I didnt act on it how ever (haha). I just sat and let everyone know thats how I felt. they turned on The Lord of the Rings and I actually became calmer. I was so happy I was coming back into myself, and my boyfriend covered me in a blanket. I felt the shrooms for 2 weeks after that and had several flashbacks. This was the biggest mistake I have ever made on shrooms, and I have to say it was not only the worse trip I have ever had but also the most enlightening if that makes any sort of sense. I dont think I have ever had the same sense of things since before that trip, I look at the world alot differently now.