It was a nice and clear autum day. I was sitting at a friend and smoking lot of weed and hash when his co-inhabitant was returning from the countryside where he was searching the meadows for shrooms all the day. He found at least 800 tiny Psilocybe semilanceatae (they grow in masses every autum here in north Germany and are about 25% stronger than cubensis. They only contain psilocybin but no psilocin ). It was a full plastic bag but we had no scales so we didn't know how much shrooms we actually had. We put most of them on baking sheets and put them into a well heated room to let them dry for a few days. We took some fresh shrooms and made a big pancake (we knew that the psilos loose some of their power when been fried, but we did't wanted to eat them fresh and slimy). It was around 1:00 am when we eat the pancake. I think I eat the equivalent of 1 gr. dried shroom. I smoked so much that I was a level where you don't even recognize that your stoned and the only feeling is tiredness. I decided to go home and experience the trip on my own. Half an hour later I was sitting at home when I began to feel the "shroom feeling". It was the lowest shroom dosage I've ever consumed. The trip lacked the strong visuals I always have on shrooms (I only saw the walls and other stuff moving a bit around.I think this was the reason I concentrated fully on the "mental trip". Everything I saw seemed to be more "real" than normal. I was KNURD. To all who didn't read Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels or forget what this word means: Knurdness is what you get when you go through sobriety and out the other side. It's the state of consciousness you get when you loose all the filters in your brain that make you able to stand the real and sober world. The rose-tinted spectacles you always wearing (even if your normally not aware of) were missing. Knurd is just beeing too sober. The distress of reality suddenly overpowered me. At this time I knew: This is what is generally called a "bad trip". I totaly missed the feeling of being home. My appartment I was so strange and unknown like it has done on a trip before. I tried to take my mind off by watching TV. It was around 3 pm on a weekday and all 35 channeles were broadcasting only buls**t. I used all my remaining mental power not to panic. I felt very alone. Then I began to think about modern society and everything seemed to be ill and corrupeted. (Actually this has always been my normal view on society and I had thought about it before but never with such a feeling of desperation.)
I compared our human society with the ones of insects. There were no differences except that humans have although "intelligence" and more "feelings". The basic theme of this trip was the solitude of every individual. I felt that life is abolutely meaningless because it doesn't matter what you do: in the end you will die. Humans are all completly lonely because we are all captured in our heads and love is only a poor try of getting rid of this solitude. The only thing that hold me back from falling in a big depression was the logic part of my brain that told me that this trip couldn't be the real world although it seemed to me much more real than reality and that the next day will be "normal". At this time the trip ended very sudden and the only way I could get back to sleep was smoking some big pipes. Nine hours later I woke up and felt relieved. I felt great the whole day and were glad to be sober.When there is one thing I've learned from it: NEVER TRIP ALONE.