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Been here before?

In march 2001 me and my girlfriend started to grow our first mushrooms (Psylo.

In march 2001 me and my girlfriend started to grow our first mushrooms (Psylo.cubensis, Mexican type). Several weeks later, after harvesting and drying the shrooms took about 2g. We´ve been preparing pretty intense over several weeks. We read a lot, especially by Aldous Huxley, Timothy Leary, The "Bardo Thödol (Tibetan book of the dead)" did meditation and things like that.

We did not eat anything that day and "prepared" the room as good as we thought we could do - I got several huge plants from the staircase, we built a nice place of matrazes to lie down, sorted some music (R.E.M. - who were undiscribeable positive (the "up" album), the doors,...) and rolled a joint.

So at about 4pm we made ourselfes some warm water, put honey and the tiny mushroom-pieces in it and drank the stuff. They tasted fine. We sat down and started talking to each other, thinking, that it would kick in in 30 to 40minutes.

...I was pretty suprised
when about 10minutes later I felt like someone was gently taking all gravity away from my body; I looked to the left, where, normally, there is just a wall. For the first time I realized, that the color of the wall was not only white, but has several paler and darker shadows on it. I was a bit irritated when those shadows started to form patterns that fast grew over the whole wall and moved to the music from the stereo. My girlfriend was at that time busy talking to an elderly indian woman and an angel like creature, who said that what was going to happen now was only for her, on the opposite part of the wall. At that time we exchanged our expiriences shortly and started to laugh hysterically at each other, the world, things and stuff.

Most people expirience such laughters in the first phase. I have to add, that I cannot remember ever having laughed like THIS before (though normally I neither am a serious person). I felt like a child and enjoyed this feeling with most possible intensity of happyness).
After about 40minutes, still laughing, I first noticed that my whole body was, well, how to explain? I was somehow extremely sensitive, the feeling itself I can by now only describe as strange (in the most positive way thinkable).
I looked to the ceiling, where there were patterns and colours so beautiful I had to start laughing of happiness again. At that time I remember saying over and over again: "We´ve been here before, I know this place!" I never did drugs like lsd, mescaline or anything comparable (I don´t really count cannabis as a drug) before - but still i know i was not there for the first time.

It might have reminded me to how I was before I learned to talk, had to understand and hear things. It was all so very pure, so perfect, infinite. Thoughts appeared, but they could not really ever manage to turn into questions, because as soon as they appeared, I thought them; - meaning that I saw ALL the possibilities resulting from them, understood everything, was smiling and perfectly happy. Thoughts were like a multidimensional web, extremely easy to look through. Thinken of "people" was somehow funny too. "What do they all think they are doing? I mean, how the hell can they just think their world is by any means what the World itself is?" I said several times, laughind about them. It´s never really hard to look behind "people´s" masks, but now this was just so stupid.

by now my friend, "the being", lay beside me and smiled/cried at the same time, saying wonderful things i understood immeadetly in their full meaning and having some shining ring (like a saint) around her head. looking behind me, I SAW the air, floating in from outside, looking beatiful as everything else.

After about two hours I had to go to the toilet; I stood up and again felt new aspects of my funny little bode "walking" with his little feet. I felt like having the remote control to all movements in my brain and just had to tell myself what to do. I managed the basics, but the actual walking was not too aesthetic, i guess...
Coming back from the toilet without any great problems I looked out of the window for the first time. there is a huge tree outside, with whom i immediatly fell in love. the clouds in the sky moved just as I told them to, not meaning that they could not suprise and entertain me again and again. It went on like this, no huge hallucinations (what ever that my be, for what i saw was real), but impressive colours and, over all the feeling of total love, acceptance and understanding of everything and, as a result, happiness.

After about 4hours we both realised that we were coming down softly. I lit the joint and inhaled deeply. the feeling of the smoke, going down my throat was so funny and felt totaly new to me (though I am smoking about 20 cigarettes and two joints a day since 3years...); The marijuana really intensified everything once more. It was not like being on the peak once more, or being stoned, but very impressive though.

I felt like becoming a little tired and closed my eyes. what was insiede was a lizard. this was one strange thing, the other was how he was colored. its main colour was an intense blue, he was shining green/yellowish and had big red dots all over his body, placed symetric, looking at me with his tongue coming out and going back again. sitting beneath a small stony wall. i am not a very creative person, i think, and if someone told me to imagine a lizard, i´d to this by thinking of that small amphibe with the long red tongue. but where this guy (or girl, didn´t check) came from, i just don´t know. i hope (s)he was not willing to tell me something important, because by telling my girlfriend about him/her several times, i made her/him leave. which did´nt make me too sorry, because the feeling, badly described as "nothing matters, everything is ("real"), LOVE, understanding" was still very strong.

after a bit more than 5 hours the journey began to end. I have to say that I felt really unpleasant, maybe even depressed (but not seriously) because of this feeling. thoughts began to manifest themselfes again, I was really feeling how my mind went back to it´s normal function. It nearly fucked me up that I had to think of talking to "the people" again, to be ready to "behave" and fit into society and dayly life once more.
Maybe as a result of this I could not say anything for quite some time after the trip. it seemed all so innocent, so fragile that no word should ever touch it. thoughts i wanted to tell my girlfriend came to my mind, but right before i spoke them, though they consisted nice and perfect things, i just couldn´t. i felt like a fascist, i felt cruel and brutal by just thinking of describing what has been.

a few days later i managed to fit into society again quite well... the coming down was a real shock (which sounds much more negative than ment) but this could never replace the expiriences i made that afternoon. i really described it very poorly here, but you get the idea...
as many other´s said before about them, mushrooms changed me, my way, improved my life, maybe for the first time showed me myself, for what i thank them guys a lot.

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