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Love in this Reality
RJ and I went camping this weekend, up at Emigrant Wilderness.
RJ and I went camping this weekend, up at Emigrant Wilderness. We got there late Saturday afternoon, and RJ and Ryan started digging out the hot tub. The finished probably around 11pm, and got it filled up and began heating the water. RJ and I went to bed. I had been feeling off the whole day, and was hungry, cold, and tired. I was more than a little bitchy by the time we went to sleep. Ryan woke us up at 5:30 on Sunday morning, because RJ wanted to be well into his trip by the time the sun rose at 6:30. RJ had ground up the mushrooms beforehand, and Ryan mixed them in orange juice for us. We drank it, and then used the facilities and went back to bed. They set up the MP3 player right outside of our tent, and “Good Day, Sunshine” was playing at 6:30. The sun was, however, a little late, and so it was a couple more songs before he made an appearance. I spent most of the time with RJ, although he likes to be active during his trips, and did leave me a few times. My first trip, five months ago, had been considerably darker, but this one was as light as could be, and I think I was smiling the entire time. I did not, however, leave my tent until I was almost completely down. This time I experienced complete peace, and it was more personal to me than before. The last time I could share my experience fairly easily with RJ, but this time is a little different. I do not think there are words enough to describe the feeling I had, but I will try. The music videos were entertaining, but I especially enjoyed my time with RJ. I felt like in him I had found a kindred spirit; someone who understood everything I am and everything I could be. Someone who accepted me unconditionally, and for the first time I could give love fluently. It felt like we were the only two entities in the world, and our heavenly bodies melded together perfectly. We were one, and I wanted to stay in that space forever; I did stay in that space forever. All my tattoos, all my piercings, could fade with time, and he still loved me. RJ put on Marley, and those are the best love songs I have ever heard. We sang them together, and I could not have asked for more. It was like finding my soul mate, and nothing else in the world mattered. And the few times he left me, I would say his name over and over again. I think I called for Donna, too, while trying to ground myself, but then RJ returned, and, again, nothing else was there but us. It was okay when he left, because the music videos kept me occupied, but it was bliss when he returned. I heard him puke outside our tent after a while, and I think his dose had no effect, because, in his words, there was a mutant piece which accounted for half the dosage, and would not have been very potent even if he had not lost it. So he did not trip hard, but it was bliss for me nonetheless. About mid-afternoon, we decided to go down the hill and get into the hot tub. But when I was about to change, I felt heavy, and laid down on the ground and went to sleep. When I awoke, they were both in the hot tub, and so I changed and joined them. I went to sleep again, resting on RJ, and when I woke up this time, I was completely down.
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