Internal Monologue..

The most touching of times,
Are when time is standing still.
Starting deep within the sense of anxiety grows
Slowly growing in scope and intensity
I always feel this way before they kick in
This is going to be crazy

My breath is getting shallow
Thats ok, this has happened before
Just keep breathing and looking for signs...
The anxiety is stronger.

This is a choice that I made...
I have my reasons, I will be fine.
I learn more about myself
When I don't know who I am.

My jaw is getting stiff.
I must just be nervous this time.
It will pass once they kick in,
Then I will be fine.

Is it supposed to be that bright over there?
Maybe it's already happening...
But the anxiety should be over.
Why can't I breathe deeply?
My jaw is still stiff...

Something is definitely going on.
The sky is slowly swirling.
I had no idea it was this beautiful before...
Am I still me? Am I the right person?

Whose hands are these? Are they fake?
My hands aren't this color.
They don't feel this way.
They don't move like that.
These can't be my hands.

A cigarette to calm me down.
I hope I can light it with the strange hands.
The lighter shouldn't be so bright...
Neither should those headlights,
As we drive to the beach.

What did you say?
Should I understand you?
That slurred stream of vowels,
Spilling from your face into the air?
It's funny how we talk this way.

Do I need anything?
I must look like I need something...
Would you ask me otherwise?
Maybe I look thirsty.

I didn't realize how dry I am.
The hands look dry and crackly.
Is my face dry too?
It doesn't feel right.

"Water."

My jaw is still stiff... it's hard to speak.
Is something wrong with it?
It feels like I have an injury...
I can't swallow this water.

Is that supposed to be that way?
I think I taste blood.
Is there blood on the hands?
They are covered in red.

I can't cause a panic.
I'll wash them in the ocean.
I hope it's all off.. I can't tell.
What color should these hands be?

The water is so inviting.
It feels smooth on the hands.
I wish I got to know it sooner...
It seems to be real friendly.

Where is that cigarette?
It's ok I have more...
This is the biggest cigarette I have ever seen.
I hope the hands light it for me...
I did wash them off after all.

My jaw is still stiff...
This cigarette will calm me down.
I never noticed how a cigarette burns this way.
It's accepted to walk around like this?
With a burning cylinder of shredded plant?
People are strange creatures.

I wish the ground would stay still.
It 's not so hard to walk on a beach.
It's from this fake new hologram ground.
The sand feels softer than usual.

My friends are here somewhere.
One of them has an orange light trail
Swirling around him like a spirit.
Hey I have one too.

Crazy happy people
With spirits on a beach at night.
How do cigarettes do that?
I can write in the air.

The ground is comforting.
The sky is swirling fast now...
Drawing me in like a vortex.
A welcome feeling..
The sky is my friend.

The lighthouse is painting colors
All across the sky and calm water.
I never noticed the patterns before...
It's kind of sad really.

I've made so many friends tonight.
The water, sky and sand.
I wish I could lay here forever...
Melting into the soft earth.

Why are we here?
Me and my friends.
Wandering around our little lives.
This little niche in space-time.

I wish it was always so amazing.
Like it is in this spirit place.
You learn most about the world...
When you can listen to what it says.