Intensly Wonderful, Mind Blowing

Last night was amazing. I have tripped before, but never ever this hard. I ate one chocolate that contained an eighth (sp?) .. Little did i know i was in for something out of this world. (This may be long, but please read)

To put it in the wordly description, my mind opened up and bursted into a thousand stars, my soul was bare for all to see. I was opening up, i found my center for most of the night. The thing is with chocolates, it only lasts for 5 hours.. but when it hits, wow.. just wow...

The night started with me and my boyfriend trying to meet up with our friends, Lauren and her boyfriend. Let me just say, prior to the chocolate, i was in such a horrible mood, which plays a big part. So we finally met them at the house and they were already tripping and they told me to "urry up. Im like "alright yay finally". The told me it would hit soon, and truthfully i was skeptical to that, but it did.

It just so happened that we saw other people at the kids house, this girl that i used to know from highschool and she really is a great person. That plays a part too..

So we end up driving to this secret spot on the beach, near the lighthouse. As i am driving down the street, it hits me. I just feel high.. theres no other way to describe it. Im guessing you can say this trip really is more mental than anything else( just like laurens boyfriend said), although i did see alot of visuals.

My boyfriend Tony was sitting in the passenger seat. Tony is a really really wonderful human being. I love him with all of my heart and soul. Let me just state her that tony doesnt like shrooms, acid, weed,or anything that can cause you to dive into yourself, to the deepest depths.. Or more or less likely something that is , i believe psychoactive.. Its just the way he feels about it. I guess it is the scariness of not knowing for him, i dunno.. And usually when we go out together and meet up with people or go to parties he and i end up at seperate places, and this night i told him that i wanted us to be together tonight. If it wasnt for him, i would have been so scared, sure it would have been nice but without his help and guidance and his reasurring looks and manner, i would have really flipped out.

Which reminds me... Back to the car ride..

Tony has this cd called YES.. im not sure the era, i want to say the 80's or 70's? I forgot. But he wanted us to listen to it on the way there, its really trippy but he says its promotes good energy. Which is true because of what they sing about.. but i wasnt ready for something like that so we had to turn it waaaaaaaaaaay down. On the carride there, i felt the very center of my soul, the very pureness of my heart being opened up. It was so amazing, Ill never forget how that felt. Im sure that is what it feels like to reach enlightenment through meditation. (Tony and i are big into Buddhism). But it also felt like someone was forcing my core open, someone was prying into it, and someone was in the car.

I get vibes about people, even though at the time i may not be able to place it. And at this moment, i told tony what i felt, how i felt as though someone was prying into my inner soul. I think i know who it was. Maybe they did it on an unconsious level. but its okay. i honestly think it helped. that might sound weird, it sounds weird to me,,, but hey... whatever who cares

Sometime thruout the night, it felt like i was being challenged. Again by some force. Like they were challenging me, almost challenging ME as in the very esscence of myself, challenging the pureness of my experiance, but again, that too is cool. It helped me realize that i am a strong person, even under the magic of shrooms. Again I felt like someone literally was doing it, maybe i am just really sensitive to peoples feelings, esp. under that type of drug. Or maybe that just sounds crazy, and if its not true, then blame it on the chocolate i ate. I dont really care...

Driving was fun and weird at this point. But we finally arrived at our destination.

Everyone got out of my car and out of the car that was following us, which i thought was the police. i had completely forgot they came with us. i think i might have offended them when i told them i had no clue they were comming and thought they were the 5-0. oh well

so we start walking down the path , which is kinda creepy. Everyone else had smoked bud, i took a few hits at the house and so did laurens boyfriend. tony was just on some bars i was able to buck from my mom and he bought beer for himself. i love him <3

the walkway to the beach was kinda scary, but i was determined not to let it scare me. i think at one point (im not sure if it was then or later) that i had to cover my ears because i was getting scared, really freaked out. i was telling tony everything i saw and felt, so i could record it for a time such as this. even though i forgot alot of it, i can still remember most of the night.

so we start walking, i think tony and i were walking real fast, because everyone else was behind us, and they were all being loud and saying how it was so scary to walk down the path. i felt annoyed at this point, but i feel really bad for that because those people are really cool. i think i had a fixed idea that just because there were alot of people, i would get annoyed. but that proved wrong..

Once you walk onto the bridge, theres 2 other similiar bridges. its those wooden bridges. i swear i have either had dreams about that place or i have been there before somehow.. literally i HAVE been there but when i saw it on shrooms... the water was glistening so perfectly, the light from the moon really shown on the water. the moon reflected how the water should be. i think it probally always literally looks so beautifal, but in our everyday lives we just take it for granted sometimes..

I think when tony is around other people who are shrooming, hes able to be there. whenever i looked into his eyes, i could see into his soul. it happens when i smoke bud, but i get scared and freaked out. i think he allows it, and i think I allow it also..

When we got on the beach part, lauren starts to waltz with me lol. i had no coordination at the moment. or else i would have danced around and around with her, that sounds funny but its how i honestly felt. every feeling was pure and honest, there was no hidden lies to my feelings. but thanks for the dance lolol thinking about it now is comical ( i think it was a dance)

It was real windy on our walk to the lighthouse, there were alot of heads. we had to shout. my friend ashley was telling me somethign and i accidentally just completely dicked her over because in mid sentance i just turned around to something tony was saying. and i felt soooooooo terrible for that i was apologized profusely to her and it seemed as though she was hurt because she kept saying "oh my god, oh my god" and i didnt understand and she said "this place is so beautifal heather it is so beautifal i cant believe a place like this exsits!" i forget if i said anything. I think i mentioned that if only it were snowing and she was liek "yea defanitly!!" .. i think were were thinking the same thing. i said how it looked so round, like a snow globe. i felt kind of like a little girl in a beautifal setting, with the wind blowing my hair all around. i felt really pretty, inside which in turn made me feel really pretty outside too, but that didnt matter to me.

Then tony comes up to us, and him and i are standind next to each other, his arm around me, mine around him, when ashley tells us that we are an amazing couple , we are so cute together (for some reason everyone was telling us that lol) and she said how she can see our aruas (sp?) and said that they merge together to form this beautifal thing. i forget exactly what she said. i thoguth it was so sweet of her to say such a beutifal thing, but at the time i thought she was wiccan and putting a spell on us??

The group was divided. Lauren and her boyfriend together. me and tony. and ashely and her friend and this other person. i honsetly forget. but i think there was 3 other people other than me tony lauren and her boyfriend. or more. im not sure.

so being that the group was divided, people kept comming back to people. i was just walking, looking at the ground, noticing patterns, i seemed to notice the sand making weird constant patterns, it didnt form anything, but like i would see lines and grooves and just notice it.

Ashely would walk to me, then tony, then lauren, then tony, then ashley.. let me say that i was having an almost panic attack at the beauty of where we were. it seemed like we were so close to the ocean, to the water, and the lighthouse was beautifal, the light shining from it, was amazing. so bright and clear, yet not clear at all.

Tony and i had came to the lighthouse before we found lauren at the house. i was pissed because i couldnt see shit. but here i am, tripping balls, and seeing perfectly.
Hence i said "i can see clearly now the rain is gone". i kept noticing how songs fit experiances i was going through. and i told tony everything.

so i was having a wonderful panic attack. tony helped me out of it. i kept saying things, forget what, i was just saying anything that came to my opened mind. i think i was seeing with my third eye. im not sure if anyone heard the things i said, but i thought i heard someone crying out of happiness, or maybe it was just my mind. perhaps it was the old me realizing the beauty of just letting things be and noticing the beauty of any and every situation. i have no clue. i think i was freaking ashley out. i really do not know.

it was almost too intense. i felt like i was crying and laughing , so intense i couldnt stand. just the beauty of it all. the clarity. amazing. i have never seen anything like it.

Something happened. ashely and her friends decided the walk was too far to the lighthouse so they went home. but during that whole episode, it was weird. kind of proverbial. tony wanted to continue on, im not sure where lauren was at, but ashley was walking with ehr friends hand in hand, tony was infront of them a little ways. im in the back. and tony is like "come on guys" and they were like no its too far and tony was calling me "heather come on lets keep going " and we had stopped walking by then, and i couldnt make up my mind wether to go with them or to go with my boyfriend, which is weird because going to the lighthouse was a plan of ours we had. but anyways, i felt verrrryyyyy weird as i walked through their hands. im not sure why i broke their chain but i did. and it was almost like i was stepping over the boundries that control my every day life, so i could take that first step into the infinite, that first step into pureness.

so we walk. i was walking with tony and i kept looking at the ground, and it was like i was walking on my dreams. i felt like i was dreaming also. it was so perfect, it was a dream. i remember this one dream i had, it invloved pillars, and in the center was a raised up pentegram with two people, me and some other girl. maybe an e evil me. anyways it scared me , but as i was walking we came upon that hard sand that was easy to walk on. and i saw the pentagram in the sand, and it was like i was walking thru my dreams but they were nothing but dust. like that chapter of my life is over. it was pretty col.

throught the night lauren would come up and talk to me, about what i forget but i felt like she was my best friend. i felt a connection with her. it was really cool as she is a very cool person. it was almost like she was being my guide and then tony would be my guide. i hope niehter of them minded because i was out there. so was her boyfriend. i didnt really talk to him much im not sure why.

we end up not walking to the light house but walking to these rich peoples steps that lead to the beach and to their home. lauren and her boyfriend were on the third step i think and tony and i were on the bottom with our feet buried in the sand. tonys feet looked huge, its almost like i could see his feet being big. something to note, i forget the exact moment but i once looked at tony during the night, it was like i looked up at him literally, and all i could see was his face, and then on the upper right were the stars, and the stars were twinkling like never before, and tonys smile at me, the way his eyes looked at me and into me with love, i will never forget him like that. ill always remember him like that. it was so intense for me it almost made me cry. alot of things that night almost made me cry outof sheer beauty.

as we were sitting there, i was seeing alot of cool visuals. the boats on the water , the lights would trail, i saw something like a trailge of yellow ligts just go acraoss the horizon of the water, i would see red blinking lights all over, i even saw spashes of water spurts on the whole of the ocean water. and then it started to looke like dolphins. i notices the lighthouse light, the globe inside of the lighthouse was so pretty. im not sure how long we stayed there. but we decided to walk back because it was getting cold and laurens boyfriend was getting too cold. i think he was sick.
i was getting used to this profound reality so it wasnt such a shocker to me anymore. still bvery very wonderful and beautifal. as we start walking, her boyfriend , im not sure what he was gouing thru but he seemed very agitate dor something. i know i was talking and everything but i forget exactly waht i said. i know the things the person who i was talking to was talking to me about, like the subject, but i cant recall what i said.

as we were walking back lauren would coem up to me ans ask if i was a little more close to reality. i said yeah a little adn then it would change and id get all confuzed in a good way and be like no imn still out there, but i still feel i connected with lauren. it was really cool.

i couldnt drive us to the point we were tying to get too, although lauren stated that soon it would feel like i can do anything. but i just couldnt drive. then we had to walk walk walk walk walk. it was a very long hike. im not sure how man miles. i didnt even know where we were going at that toime.

we walked and i walked with tony , we shared alot of things together, then i would talk real loud i think, and i felt like i was pissing off her boyfriend, or even maybe her. i hope not though because id hate to put someone in a bad trip and i even hate the fact to think i annoy people, even on a regular day basis! i hope not lol

the walk in and of itself was very interesting. i remember telling tony i felt very "sqwuinched". it seemed to fit. i felt like i was very small, everything was so close to me. the cars, the sky, the noises, everything. oh and at one point it felt as though the music was crawling onto my brain.

i remember having a great conversation with tony, ill ask him later today what we talked about as i cannot remmeber most. but i do remember someone mentionin g brains or soething and then i mentioned how it would be so cool to see people where their brains were kinda exposed like u can see them but the thing is is that it would be kinda like those ssquishy thingies in stores that u squish and the juices gush... thats wahat it would be like and it was really cool.

we walked sooo far, tony was my guide, my light. he is the love of my life. he is a wonderful person, i have always felt that and i always will. sometimes i feel as though i dont deserve sucha beautfal person. i am so lucky to have him in my life. <3<3<3

then my stomache started to bother me and i got real bloated lol. it sucks because my stomache sticks out and i look pregnant. which i was thinking about. and then it heightened itself x a thousand and whoat do ya know... we saw our friend jimmy and his friends. one thing, i dont like those girls. jimmy is cool but those girls are so childish and immature. they would talk about me like i didnt know. so i just talked to tony, talked to him about anything, about the ants that i felt were attacking me, they were big and red but in truth they didnt really bother me.

i was just being free with myself, the situation at hand, and my conversations with tony and everyone else. sometimes i would try to get into the conversation, only because i felt like i wanted to join in the convo, but it seemed like i was annoying the hell out of a few people. so i stopped.

back to those girls. t to make a long story sthort they were insinuating that i was prganant. remember, my somtache was bloated fomr the shrooms so im sorry about that but it happenes. and once i realized what they were up to, i got really annoeyed. and they were saying things like "oh look now she notices shes trying to play it off" ... if i didnt want to enjoy my trip, i would have looked them dead in the eye. they pissed eme off. and then lauren was like "oh my god this is so *stating the name of where they were from, the city*." so we left and walked to laurens boyfriends friends house. i refuzed to let those girls immaturity bother me. why would i let myself be sucked into their evil nasty void? no thank you. how old are they? i think 15 and im 19 almost, so thankfully i was able not to get consumed in their bullshit.

i felt very in tune with my wording and i was able to describe very well in detail for most of the night my thoughts. sometimes i have problems with that, but that night for a long time i was able to easily say what i was feeilng in the perfect words. at times i felt like it was slipping, but i didnt try to force it and it came easy. i think alot had to do with i was becomming very very tired.

tony and i were talking about a mutual friend of ours, just having enjoying conversation. by this time i was comming down, but it was so gentle and easing itself off of me, that it was just right. we finally eneded up this persons house , tony met a guy who might want to jam with him, we met an artist and his wonderful work, we met this guy who was really into cats.

eventually everyone had a very wonderful time and we all ended up at our own homes, unfortunately for me because that would have topped it off if i could have stayed the night at tonys, and sleep in his loving arms.

i started at around 7 30 or 8 and i think it eneded around 10 45 or 11 30??? so it was short, but instense. it came all at once, so fast, yet leaving a mark on me for life. i wouldnt have traded it for the world.

sorry for the long report. hopefully it was fun to read. i hope the next time is just as great, i hope i dont go into a bad trip, but then again i dont think i would let myself get stuck and if i did get stuck, that in and of itself would be a whole new experiance for me asi have never wigged out before. i would take it as it comes..

shrooms are wonderful. they are better than acid i think.
it is my drug of choice. i made that realization as i was sitting at this persons house thinkin about my night so far. its like that NIN song. that was the most wonderful experiance i have ever had. there is so much more to it than what i was able to conjure up from my memory and able to type out here. i cant imagine a bad trip from shrooms, ever. with acid, yes but with shrooms, no.

if only i could paint. i do write poems, so maybe i can write about my experiance. oh something to note that i thought was cool : i remember sitting on the steps at the beach and looking at the clouds.. the clouds were making shapes and i think lauren mentioned to me a face was in the clouds, or maybe it was her boyfriend or maybe even tony but im not sure. and then i thought that was the coolest thing ever and then i looked and the clouds formed fishies and at the right was the bigest fish, and then they got smaller and smaller, almost like comming out of eachothers mouths.

WHAT A WONDERFUL NIGHT!