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i & i

10:00 a.

10:00 a.m. Sat. 5/15/04
Its been eight hours since I finally came down enough to fall asleep last nite.
I didn't intend to ingest mushrooms; not last nite anyway. I thought I was going to spend the evening watching television, but my friend B was in town for the week and his date wasn't feeling well, so he stopped by, and we went off in search of some cannabis.
7:00 p.m. Fri.
We went to our friend P's house which serves as a gathering place for a good group of friends and aquaintences; an experimental lot with a wide veriety of tastes.
When we arrived everyone was out except A (P's roomate) and an old buddy Z, and we had come just as they were putting the finishing touches on the first joint of the nite. Before we could light it though we started talking about where we could get a sack ourselves (everyone shares but its nice to have something to go home with), and we learned that someone was selling fresh (grass and shit included) whole 'shrooms for five dollars a pop, and for South Texas thats a good price, so Z took B to get four of them, and I stayed and toked with A.
I'd been straight for about forty-eight hours, and the grass was decent, so I started getting toasted pretty quick. Z and B were gone for about half an hour, and by the time they got back other people had started to show up in various states of intoxication, so everyone was greeted and started settling in for an enjoyable nite.
8:30 p.m.
B and I went into the kitchen and cleaned off the the 'shrooms.
All four of them were cubensis, about five inches in length, and three to four in diameter. They looked fuckin' beautiful.
B decided to take only one of his, so he gave the other to another buddy D. I took both, which looked to be about three to four grams (as I said they were fresh so I'm not sure how acurate that is).
I'm no quite sure who else had taken some, but after a half an hour my peripheral vision began to get strange, and it must have become obvious that one of us, probably me as I'd ingested the most, was starting to trip, because A put on the movie Frailty, I'm assuming to trip us (me?) out, which, though I hadn't seen it (still haven't really), I was familiar enough with it to know that it was not what I wanted to see in that state.
I tried to put my shoes on and go outside, but I was seccond guessing every move I made and couldn't make it past putting my shoes on. I just sat on the couche laughing softly, because every piece of dialouge in the movie that I could make out seemed like the apropriate cosmic joke. I actually snorted at some line about superheros. The wall behind the TV was swaying gently and the door to my right seemed to have tiny hand prints all over it. At some point I stopped noticing the movie.
Eventually P's girlfriend C sugested I go into the dining room where they have a couche and a blacklite along with a felt poster of a buch of creatures like frogs and mice sitting on and under mushrooms smoking a hooka, so, of course, I went.
When I got into the dining room I headed on into the kitchen to splash water on my face. The curtain on the kitchen window was blowing in a breeze that may not have even been there, and it looked wonderful. I stayed there for a while.
10:00 p.m.
Soon B and D and some others followed me into the dining room where we just sat around smiling.
Reality had all but left me, and I was getting strong vissuals. With my eyes closed I would see vastly deep multi-layered organic paterns that I wanted to dive into and play around in, but I kept returning to consiousness.
Ocaisionally D would make some nosensical comment. I didn't talk for what seemed like hours.
Then my cell phone rang. It was B's brother G, so I gave it to B. I tried to curl up in the corner of the couch and see where it'd take me, but kept getting distracted.
At some point B looked at me and said we had to leave. His plans had been changed and he was taking off at 5'a.m. and had to go home and pack. Quite inconvinient.
We started disscusing how we were going to get home seeing as how I was gone and wasn't sure what kind of state he was in. He kept trying to tell me, or himself maybe, that he could drive, and didn't manage to convince either of us. Everyone seemed, to me at least, to be out of it, so asking for a ride didn't seem an option.
I kept closing my eyes and forgetting what was happening, and the activity in the house was distracting, so I suggested we go outside on their porch to yet a third couche.
I felt like I wanted a cigarete, and thought about walking to the store to purchase some, but the more I thought about it the less it seemed to matter.
All the plants in the yard seemed to be growing very slowly, and I seemed to be able to plot their eventual growth in my mind, like watching time elapse film and knowing whats going to happen next. I'm into plants, so this was very cool.
We decided to call G to come pick us up and bring his brother in law to drive B's car home. This decission made, we went back inside.
I recall staring into a dark bedroom and seeing one of the house cats staring back, and I felt content. Someone passed me a dooch and I started smoking. We headed back into the dining room.
At this point there were at least a dozen people in the house drinking, smoking, tripping, and watching TV, and everyone sounded like they were wisspering.
I would try to smoke, but I would forget the joint was in my hand, and let it go out, so I stopped. Friends would try and ask me questions that I don't remember, and I think I responded, but I'm not sure.
I started to plan my life in this new state of existance, and at no point was I worried about not coming back. I can't truly describe it, but the thought was comforting.
12:00 a.m.
G arrived, and we said our goodbyes and left.
As soon as we got into the car I was disoriented, and I wasn't sure wether G was straight or not. B just sat silently.
We went to a nearby burger joint so G could get some food. B and I stayed out in the car.
There was a patrol car of some kind parked not far away from us, but I decided I was invencible for the time being and ignored it.
G's driving scares me when I'm sobber, so when we started into a construction zone on the expressway I stared bracing my self from all angles and saying we should slow down and stop the car. G kept telling me to be cool, and B just sat there.
G was going to pick up his girlfriend, so we stopped again at a truck stop for some reason. My body felt like it was warping, and there were a few people in the parking lot, but my invincibility was still up, so I ignored them.
When we got to his girl's house it was right on the road and the back bumper was just clear of the pavement, and the cars going by at fifty miles and hour were freaking me out. I wasn't scared of death as I wasn't sure I could die, but I didn't want anything else to get hurt.
G was worried I was going to touch his girlfriend, because I kept bracing myself on the seat in front of me. He was talking to her on a cell phone and I thought she was standing outside the window and I couln't see her. Soon she came out and got into the car, and we took off.
I don't remember the drive to my house, but I felt really mellow, and kept asking B if he still existed. He was awake, but hadn't spoken for a long time.
When we got to my place I said peace to everyone and started walking to my house.
I live on an unpaved road out of town, and my nearest neighbor is a quarter mile away, and we're surounded by mesquite trees on all sides; which I've often thought look like the skeletons of mushrooms at nite, but thats another story.
Walking up my drive way I could feel the world around me breathing, and began to feel out my connection with everything.
When I reached the house I could see my mom sitting in the living room, and I thought about going in and talking with her, but instead I lay down under the car-port and watched the ceiling fade in and out of existance.
I became convinced that I was the whole of existance and that everything was me looking at myself from different angles. I (thought I had) realized that time didn't exist, and that all was simply self gratification, and all things were possible (which has long been my moto anyway).
I decided that if thus was the case, I was going to go get me some pussy (my exact thought), and started walking up the road.
Then I started pondering the implications of my totality.
Was I simply a pimple on the ass of some larger self, and if so, is the self aware that I'm aware?
Then I sat down in the dirt and pet my cat, which at that point was like giving myself a back rub. I even hugged her, which she never lets me do, and which added ever more fuel to my illusion.
Eventually I brushed myself off and went inside.
1:30 a.m.
The only light on in the house was my mom's bedroom, and again I considered talking with her, but decided it was time to sleep, and went to my room.
I started to undress in front of my bathroom mirror, but then my mom came in and kept asking me if was alright. At first I told her I didn't know, but then said yeah I was fine. No reason to worry yourself right?
She left and lay down and tried to sleep. After a while I started to access my situation, and came to the conclusion that reality was once again upon me, and I needed some water(I was pretty sure that at some point I had kissed my cat, which is kinda dumb considering she's and outdoor cat), so I went and got some.
After that I got some sleep, and here I is.
3:47 p.m. Sat.
Thanks for reading.

peace ..V,

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