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Analytical trip

I've been smoking pot for a few years, but my first shrooming experience occured at a Phish concert.

I've been smoking pot for a few years, but my first shrooming experience occured at a Phish concert. I bought a 1/4 oz. of Psilocybe cubensis and consumed half the bag. I was quite drunk and high at the time so all I remembered from the trip was being able to really enjoy the music and intermission feeling like a human meat grinding machine. I felt that I needed to experience just the mushrooms next time. I chose to trip alone after returning home from work in the late evening. I injested the rest of the bag which was probably less than half, no more than an 1/8. I also drank some tea which usually wakes me up fairly well. After about 10 minutes I started feeling a little different, described as almost slightly drunk. I went to my basement and used a my Light/Sound machine which listening to Dark Side of the Moon. By the end of the album the music began feeling very alive and dynamic, and the various instruments and left right sides where sounding seperated. I took off the L/S machine and put on some new age instrumental music. I got on the internet to pass the time and the screen began to move and flow around. The same was happening to the walls and surroundings and I began to feel a little nauseaous and turned off the music. I tried to sit motionless and just enjoyed the visuals for a while but to my surprise I was not getting any closed eye visuals at all. The trip soon began to intensify and memories of childhood and my parents began to enter my mind. This is when I really began contemplating why my life is the way it is. I found a profound realization of how our lives are formed and influenced by our parents and passed on from generation to generation. I also realized of how fears, insecurities, and obsessions are passed on from generation to generation and changed and reshaped by the blending of father and mother and how their relationship has a profound effect. I realized this to be such a subconcious proccess that we are normally never aware of it but the mushroom seemed to open a door to this realization. I found that we are all slaves to our subconciousness and saw humans as just another pathetic animal living with very little control over their lives. This sudden realization left me feeling insane and felt that maybe it wasn't meant for me to know these things. I found myself repeating that this was insane I began to panic slightly. At this point I decided to leave the basement and I wandered around the house for a while letting it all soak in. I sat down in front of my fish tank and stared at my fish for a while. I realized that their lives are constantly filled with fear and I felt sad for them. At this point I thought that I was starting to come down. I ate some of the fish food and just layed in my room on the floor for a while examining the carpet. I felt absolute peace and felt great in just being there. Then I started thinking about the earlier revelations and felt that it is actually better that I realized these things because now I can understand my life better and can have more control over what is happening. I vowed to change my ways and not be subject to my subconcious impulses. As I layed in bed I was definitely coming down while thinking about religion, god, and about good vs. evil and what each was. As soon as I thought I knew, I felt suddenly confused and felt that all that happened that night was meaningless and untrue and I felt disappointed in losing this knowledge. Only over the next few days was I able to get something out of the trip and realized that I did actually learn something and it was a great revelation. It's only through the power of the mushroom that we can have access to this kind of information that our normal mind filters out. The sudden feeling that it's meaningless was our normal mind state kicking in, yet the memory exists and can teach great things. I will definitely try a higher dose next time for more visual effects.
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