Yesterday my girlfriend and I consumed 3 grams of Ps. cubensis each. It was her first time, and she was a little nervous but eager. I had tripped many times before. Right away she was noxious and wanted to throw up. She soon got over it and was enjoying the visuals and weirdness, until she spiraled into a bad trip. She was rocking back and forth telling me she couldn't take it wanted to go to a hospital. I was comforting her and telling her it was ok, she just ate some hallucenogenic mushrooms and they are perfectly safe. She felt like her brain was melting and her physical self was dying. She began to cry and I held her and stayed with her. I was tripping quite hard myself, but I wasn't having a bad trip. My visuals were really intense and I could see images of my child hood friends projected into the ceiling. It was very intense.
While she was going through her hell, I experienced a very weird feeling. I realized I was free and that I can do anything with my life. If at any point I am unhappy I can change things and if I wanted I could walk away that moment and live the life as a nomad. I of course realized the difficulties this would present, but knew that life is strong and I would survive as long as I needed to. I imagined what kind of dangers I would run into and realized I just needed common sense to live. Survival of the fitness had a new meaning. We all grow up being baby sitted and expect to live that way for the rest of our lives.. We have it so easy with water at the turn of a faucet, food at the beep of a microwave and transportation at the drop of a buck.
I realized that some people don't have it this easy, and how much we take this for granted sometimes. I really had a strong urge to walk to Mexico and go on a journey through the continental US through to south america. Very liberating was my experience.
Afterwards, my girl started to calm down and realized that she was just having a bad trip. I knew this was because she had some personal things to deal with and they kind of 'slapped her in the face' so to speak. Afterwards she apologized for how much of a bitch she is sometimes and said she wants to change and be a good person and mother. She says she is afraid of getting caught up in all the bull shit games we play with our egos and I told her it would be hard but it's possible if you keep trying.
I also felt like forgiveness is something that most people don't really understand. My family looks at me bad since I smoked pot, but it isn't really a bad thing. The bad thing is the distance that it causes between people. This realization takes both sides to make it worth anything.
I really felt like a monkey or a crazy animal willing to live my life just walking around searching for natural sources of food, water and shelter. Eating watermelon and fruits that we got from the store was fun and I almost felt like a monkey at busch gardens.
Overall it was an intense experience, I just wish I could have been sober for my girlfriend's comfort. She realized that it was a bad trip afterwards and decided she doesn't want to do drugs anymore, but then shortly after took it back. So, for us it's mushrooms every couple of months, maybe less as time goes by. And as for pot, I haven't smoked it in 2 weeks now, which isn't a lot of time but sure feels like it. I want to finish college first and not put my safety or my loved one's safety in danger for my selfish actions.
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