Such a Bright Day - 0.5g First Time

Apologies upfront for length, this was my first experience so I made sure to take extensive notes. For context I, 18F, have been smoking pot a couple times a week for a while and I’ve taken some fairly high doses so I know how to handle myself pretty well in that sorta state; this is why I wasn’t terribly worried about solo tripping even though it was a new drug for me. Took 0.5g of amazonian at about 12:50pm mixed into a mug of hot chocolate and, while I hated the texture, the taste kinda was made pretty negligible which is nice. Probably going to opt for a lemon or lime tek in the future though as I’d rather take it as a quick shot since I have quite a few sensory issues around texture.

I felt it kick in right about a half hour later. The first thing I noticed was that the body high was significantly different from weed in my experience; way lighter and “electric” as I put it at the time. I also noticed that colours had become very vivid, especially those out the window. It’s winter where I live so the snowy trees outside really made for the perfect setting. I also noticed that some textures, especially very detailed ones, began to wave or ‘breath’ almost; oddly this effect only lasted about an hour after this then dissipated.

At about 1:45pm (T+ 1hr) I ended up texting one of my friends who I was keeping updated on my trip and ended up launching into a conversation about how the majesty of colour was something humans didn’t take nearly enough time to appreciate, in all its complexities and such. I also noticed a new distinct head high, almost like laying in a bath. Eventually I wound up staring out the window for a while and I began to perceive the scene outside almost as if all the elements I could see, including one of my dogs who had gone out to sniff around, were all just each a part of a bigger whole; as if they had all lost their individuality. At the time I described this as if all the elements came together to have this feeling of “oneness”, all coalescing into a single scene rather than existing on their own respective accords. At this time the body high was still electric but became oddly heavier. I definitely wasn’t a fan of the effect but then again I’ve never liked body highs for sensory reasons, thankfully it didn’t end up bothering me too much.

For a bit more context I have DPDR disorder, google it if you don’t know loll, and when I take something I’ll very often depersonalize. This definitely isn’t very fun of course but I’ve had the condition long enough that it doesn’t affect me a ton. I say this because when I sat up and took a look at my hands (my go-to check for seeing if I’m having an episode) I was in fact very depersonalized. Oddly though the usual feeling of complete separation from my body was replaced with a much more pleasant effect. It almost felt like, rather than being totally separated, there was simply a veil, or silken sheet as I said at the time, between my mind and body. Now this was still recognizably an episode but I found it kinda pleasant tbh.

After that I tried taking a drink of the Dr. Pepper I’d been using to help wash down the hot chocolate. While I was still able to drink it I stopped after a sip or two because it felt as if the drink had lost its “materialism.” That is to say that it felt as if the glass, air, and soda were all one unified thing and drinking it was merely an ‘act’ I was putting on. Still not entirely sure where that last bit came from but I’m not one to doubt my notes. XD

Anywho after this would begin what I believe to be the peak, or at least the start of the peak. The following takes place from around 2:00pm-2:30pm (T+ 1 & 1.5hrs respectively): I decided to get up and walk around for a bit as a change of scenery. This quickly led to me going to get the mail then taking one of my dogs for a walk. During both these outdoor excursions I was listening to music—mainly Will Wood, Sublime, Jack Stauber, and Mother Mother—and I was overcome by this light and freeing feeling, almost as if I was just now seeing the world and my life for what it was. This was certainly a very liberating feeling and definitely gave me a fresh outlook that I still carry. Unfortunately right about halfway through walking my dog my nose started to bleed. (curse you dry Canadian winter XD) I didn’t have any tissues so I just held it with my glove while we started to walk back home. Oddly enough the nosebleed initially took me right out of the trip but as soon as we started walking back it hit twice as strong as before. This was the only part of the trip I’d call ‘unfun’, but certainly didn’t ruin it. Specifically during the walk back, stopping as soon as I was back at the house oddly enough, time dilation began to hit but it was quite minor. This was super unexpected because severe time dilation is one of my most noticeable effects with weed; definitely not upset about its absence though. XD

When I got back in the house I kicked off my winter gear and headed straight to the bathroom to try and get my nose under control. Initially I started my usual routine, I get nosebleeds all the time unfortunately, but soon I became enraptured by the visual of my blood dripping into the bowl and the drops spreading and swirling around each other in the water. I remember thinking it felt like I was watching my own little microscopic slice of the universe, matter crashing and spiraling about; definitely a neat visual to say the least. I must’ve been staring for quite some time because before I knew it the bleeding had stopped on its own and my face was far closer to the bowl than I was comfortable with. It’s at this point I just laid on the bathroom floor, looking up at a skylight, and knew that this was a type of high truly different from what I’d previously experienced.

At 2:54pm (T+ 2hrs) I began to have some very mild closed-eye visuals. While they were definitely there they were very dim and obscured as if by a black fog. The first time I noticed it I swore I closed my eyes and saw a physical manifestation of time, as well as the infinite of reality. It was as if I could see all that had been and the gaps where all would eventually be; definitely a strange and very short lived visual. After this I had some minor closed-eye visual synesthesia responding to the music I was still listening to but that’s about it.

Shortly after this I ended up making a little nest, out of pillows and blankets, in front of the window so I could see outside better and charge my phone; definitely a terrific call as far as setting is concerned. While staring out the window I felt this feeling of incredible peace come over me, combined with the tiniest hint of ego dissolution. I began to feel like I was also a part of that ‘scene’ from earlier, as if I were no more important or special than everything around me and we were all just equally important parts of a whole. It was as if I and my lived experiences were no more significant than a speck of dust in the grand scheme of things. This predictably brought a sense of relief as any issues I may have previously had suddenly become insignificant in the grandeur of this great scene. I also noticed that I was having the opposite of cotton mouth, I was salivating quite a lot actually. (I know this is so out of place but this became especially apparent here XD)

At about 3:20pm (T+ 2.5hrs) I saw a coyote or a similar looking dog seemingly playing with some sort of small animal (a squirrel or rabbit or something of the sort) a ways away outside the window. As far as I can tell this was very real oddly enough and not a hallucination, I really wish I’d caught a video but by the time I thought to do so they had already run behind another house. (Shame because it really was adorable) Either way this got me thinking about how nature is inherently non-violent and everything that happens is all a part of the natural cycle of things. To quote my notes directly: “the rabbit does not fear death nor does the coyote hate the rabbit, they both know they are part of one great ecosystem and things will be as they must.” I also began to feel a distinct detachment from my activities earlier that day and frankly my life as a whole prior to that moment. I felt as if I’d entered a new chapter or ‘level’ of my life. Now while this didn’t invalidate all the struggles I’d previously overcome, it minimized them into one chapter in my life, of many to come; and showed me that the metaphorical ‘ceiling’ of this new chapter was miles ahead of me. This newfound freedom, I feel, gave me room to grow and continue developing as a person as previously I’d felt as if I was in a rut of sorts; progressing as a person as much as I could but feeling like there wasn’t any further to go. I now felt as if the things I was realizing, both about the universe and my own life, should have previously been obvious, although I was still grateful the information came to me eventually.

At 4:14pm (T+ 3.5hrs) I made this gem of an entry into my notes that I think ought to speak for itself: “Made a hot dog a while ago then spent the greater part of a half hour contemplating the universe; multidimensionality and the infiniteness of every dimension, even time. Also pondering how truly large infinity is, honestly when you put into context that we exist within 4 (definitely more but that’ll take a few more grams XD) infinite dimensions of space and time and truly how much everything that entails then my ex or school or work or anything is idk fuckin whatever man XD”

By 4:50 (T+ 4hrs) I was definitely on the come-down from everything so from this point on it was really just a slow taper into eventual sobriety by around 6pm. (T+ 5hrs) While the trip was certainly over I would continue to feel the after effects of the head and body highs till around 9:30pm. (T+ 8.5hrs) I remember wondering, at multiple points during the trip, what I’d take from all this. I’ll have to wait a while to see the true ramifications but at the moment I feel so much more free and able to grow in a way I previously didn’t. This definitely opened me up to the world in a way I hadn’t known before and I definitely plan to experiment with higher doses in the future to deepen this understanding as well as explore certain things I felt like I couldn’t get to.

Overall solid 8/10; not utter perfection but would trip again. X3