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Everything is everything.

I am a 150 lb male.

I am a 150 lb male. There were no other substances involved except for two pieces of cream-cheesed toast...

I had been "lent" about 7-8 caps P. cubensis along with their stems. I also had an unknown mushroom confection that contained god knows how much...all of these were dried and frozen...but not freeze-dried :D

I was a bit nervous, but not in a bad way. It was an extremely beautiful day and the fact that it was my birthday put me a little at ease. I was ready to take my first steps into the pyschoactive world and I had the perfect being to guide me.

1:00 PM

My father arrives at my house with some mushroom books (Several Volumes of Mushrooms Demystified and a few on the Psilocybes) and the mystical canine guide, Little Bear. He was very reassuring and the dog was friendly. We brewed all of the mushrooms (save the chocolate bar) in a fairly concentrated tea. He had me sit and drink down the tea while he went and got some supplies (water, trail mix, and wine for his amusement).

2:00 PM

I had already downed all of the tea and consumed all of the water-logged caps that remained. I was starting to feel pretty good as we bagged up the stems and hopped in the car to start our journey. The Plan was to take a little walk down a creekside trail to the beach and enjoy the scenery after going on a little drive.

2:15 PM

Jesus god. I had never experienced anything like it before. I was elated! Everything was enhanced! The sunlight was reflecting of the prismatic patterns of clouds and pouring down upon my face. Jerry Garcia was doing his thing and I had a brief thought about face-melting...I quickly shut that one out.

2:30 PM

The ignition sequence was commencing...I popped in a couple of stems and chewed them up well. We arrived at the trail. I was ready for a good walk.. I had to go...I wanted to GO! WHAM! I stepped out of the car and staggered against the overwhelming rush of energy that hit me. I remember turning to my father and saying, "Whoa...there's alot of power out there."


About halfway down the trail it erally started kicking in. The fireweed around me was buckling and bending under some unknown pressure and leaves on the trees vibrated magnificently. I remember thinking that the mushrooms had me now. I was theirs. I looked at my breathing hands and-wait those WERE NOT MY HANDS!! Then I thought, "What are hands?" This thought was quickly replaced by, "What is thinking?"

3:00 - 6:30

We arrived at the beach at just about 3 o'clock and I was peaking from the tea...so i decided to devour ALL of the remaining stems AND the chocolate bar. What a decision that was...At least my pockets were empty.

I was only slightly aware of my dad as he popped the cork on his wine and settled himself between some logs...how could I be aware of people with everything else going on? The wind was blowing through my stomach. The clouds were melting. The ocean roaring, pouring UP the stream in fantastic ripples. Ripples that were not limited to just water but moved in the ground. I contemplated swimming in the ground but I had to check it out first. I grabbed a sharpened hotdog stick that someone had left behind and poked a hole in the flowing soil. It didn't look too friendly so i decided to leave it alone.

Voices were coming down the trail. I had achieved liftoff. The tea was going full tilt and I was starting to get effects from the stems and chocolate. The voices were here. And I knew the people! This wasn't good. I tried to put on my sunglasses but realized that they were already on. Oh god what ARE people??? They walked like robots...demons....things....I had to get out of there. I told my dad we had to go NOW.

Ha. We started up the trail right when everything was starting to peak out. My flesh really started to bother me. My mind wanted to break out of this shell. My hands felt thick. I thought my mouth was bleeding. I tasted blood. But when I brought my animal-like claw to my mouth to check it, none was there. Wait a second! I had claws? I was a beast...I wanted to run run run. I wanted to rid myself of clothing and dive into the forest and hunt and howl and mate. I almost did...but I noticed the dog...SHE was the real beast. I regained my identity.

I had to urinate. I told my dad this and we stopped. I picked out a nice place to go and pulled it out. It felt weird...not bad and not good...but different. I felt the same way about my penis as I did my hands. Meaningless flesh...What is flesh?

We had to get to the car...that was the only goal. The car was safe. The car was the goal...the mission. I WAS SO HOT! Sweat was getting in my eyes. I took off my hat and held it for awhile. The dog was everywhere. Darting in and out of the trees in front of me and then suddenly appearing behind me. This made me smile and took my mind off of the heat. I didn't like holding my hat so I put it back on.

We passed a retarded girl walking down the trail. She almost made me cry. I wanted to get to the car. We got there, both drenched in sweat. I was uncomfortable. We entered the car and started driving. This is when I started feeling things. The trip shifted to a touch-oriented one and I could not stop touching my face and my clothing and my hands and the car and the wind and the dog. I hid my sensations from my father and explored them on the ride home. Music sounded....different. Songs I once knew and loved, I loved in a new way.

I somehow got in the house. There was music there too. It was too loud but I didn't want to turn it off because i was afraid my dad would see me as an inconvenience. My thoughts turned to him and I started worrying about him more than myself. I was WAY to hot. I felt feverish. I was writhing my chair. I couldn't breathe. I wanted to puke, scream, and sleep at the same time. I forgot who I was.

I staggered upstairs and collapsed on my bed. It was hot up there too but not as bad because I had left the windows open. I started to cry. Who was I? I wanted to go back to my old self. I wanted to be done tripping. I wondered if I was ever going to be normal again. Then I looked at the ceiling. While noting the patterns I slowly brought myself back. The peak had ended and I was coming down. I sighed and went back downstairs and told my dad about the trouble I had.


This is what he said to me:

"The doors of perception are heavy, my son," then with a grin he added, "But you'll find that they'll swing pretty easily."

I followed suit and repeated something he had said during one of his past trips:

"Everything is everything."

He threw back his head and laughed.

"You did well," He said.


I've gained a new appreciation for two things:

1. Dogs (I used to like cats more)
2. Chocolate (It really IS food for the soul)

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