3.5g cubensis

It was a Sunday night at my home in the Mojave desert in California. I had just finished my side hustle of delivering food for Uber eats and decided to come home and relax. I was talking to a friend of mine who lives in Colorado through text. I had mentioned to him that I had dropped off a delivery to a guy and we got to talking about the fireworks display that he had watched over the 4th of July, and that it was a very interesting experience on shrooms. I'd never seen them, so I asked if I could see what he had. He showed me and we continued our conversation shortly before I decided it was time to leave since I had to get back to my deliveries. Before I left he asked if I wanted to take some as a tip, so I asked him how much, and he gave me 4gs. I had decided to stash these away in a vitamin bottle under the impression that it was airtight and free of moisture as some of my research suggested to keep your shrooms free of moisture. I had hesitated for 3 weeks after this was given to me because I was uncertain if I was ready to give it a go. All that while I was thinking about how I would go about my first time. It started out as microdosing, 3 small caps and 2 stems. Really no experience except a light body high that thinking upon it as I'm composing this was very warming. It elevated my spirits especially just sitting out under the night sky with a cool light breeze blowing from the west, I was cool calm and content with this initial experience but I wouldn't consider it a trip. 

Fast forward to that Sunday night. I had told my friend that I wanted to really experience what shrooms had to offer as I had decided to eat another 3 caps and 2 stems. (Bit of sidenote, I am rather surprised to see how some people affirm that eating them is terrible, but to me they had no bad taste to them. A bit earthy at best but these were dried, so maybe that is the difference.) My friend had told me to eat the whole bag, approximately 3.5g. This was 45 mins after the 3 caps and 2 stems. So down the hatch it went. 

I was in the backyard of my house lying on my sons trampoline, allowing myself to stare up at the night sky. It is a great location for stargazing and I wanted to take advantage of it as I was hoping that it would build the set for what was to come. 45 mins after I ate the whole bag I became very restless. I had to get off the trampoline, and honestly I feel as though at this point my body had went into autopilot and I was just trying to blow off a little energy as I was just pacing around the back yard. At some point within doing this I felt the effects take hold and I knew there was no turning back. I was trying to control my breathing as I noticed that my breathing pattern had changed to something close to hyperventilation but I wasn't breathing rapidly. I just felt winded as if I had been jogging and I was trying to catch my breath. Upon trying to get my breathing under control I was pacing back and forth inside the house to the front yard and walking around to coming back inside the house to pace around the back yard. I texted my friend and asked him how to come down, that I was not having a good time and he messages back saying the only way out is through. So I decided to use that as a motivator to get back on track as I was putting myself through what was a minor panic attack that would later become a feeling that I couldn't manage. 

2 hours into the trip, visuals were heavy. Everything was spiderwebbed and very much alive. The spiderwebbing of my vision would change shape constantly, to what seemed like kaleidoscope vision. It was all broken into different shapes and the shapes were changing consistently. After my friend had told me that I have to endure this I decided to just work with it the best I could. I thought maybe making some chicken nuggets and eating would help me through the process. I went out to the back porch to the deep freeze and grabbed the bag and poured some out onto a paper plate. After putting them into the microwave I had lost all thought of how much time to set. Under a sober mindset I could think of it right away without having to look at the bag whatsoever but my brain felt broken. As I'm trying to think of what time to set I'm also very much under this panic attack and I feel like I'm at a race to get this done in hopes that it will calm me down. Finally I think of a time setting that I use for my favorite frozen burritos and input it and hit start. 

As I was waiting I decided to sit down on my living room floor and turn a fan on in hopes that the breeze would calm me down as well. At this point in time, my mother in laws ex boyfriend walks out of his room (he lives with us for the time being until he can find another place to go) and asks why the fan is on, and why the back door is open. I hadn't realized that I left it open when I came inside to microwave the nuggets, so I turned the fan off, apologized to him for having the fan on and went to close the back door (this turned my trip further downhill because him asking me about the fan and the back door put me into a depressive state at that very moment, which made the feelings I had even worse, however luckily for me this was temporary) by the time I closed the door, the nuggets were done. 

I took them with me into my bedroom and decided to lay down. It's completely dark except for my son who is awake above me who is on his tablet (our living situation has me, my wife, and our son bunked in one room, as we are taking care of her great grandmother) I try to eat 2 nuggets and the whole time it's completely challenging because my mouth is dry despite the fact that I've kept myself hydrated (a tip learned on my first LSD trip) and I've lost all understanding of how to eat properly. So I forgo the nuggets and decide to lay down and maybe let my mind wander. As I'm laying there, this noise that keeps changing pitch is ringing though my head. I had my fan on in my room with the AC, but this noise was non existent. It was a sound that was dreadful, changed wavelengths and I couldn't understand it, therefore i do not have a description except the aforementioned. I decided not to focus on it and focus more on the visuals I was experiencing. Everywhere I looked, everything was blurred out except this X banner that would had different clowns in it. I would try and focus on the details of these clowns but they would change different colors in facepaint and then their skin would melt off down to the skull only to form another clown with a different color scheme. This terrified me, but I kept telling myself that this is all part of the process and that it's not going to hurt me. The blurredness of everywhere I looked in my room outside of this banner turned into what I would best describe as satanic glyph like words that changed with the clowns. 

As I was laying there trying to remain still, I realized that I was still very much restless and that I didn't want to give away my position to my wife because she didn't know that I was tripping, so I got up and decided that I needed someone to help calm me down because I had finally reached my breaking point that enough was enough. I give myself alot of credit for maintaining coherence because at this point I told my son to go to bed, to which he said he was hungry so I gave him my nuggets and left the bedroom. As I walked back out into the living room, my spiderwebbing happened ol pp intensified so much so that I could not make out what I was viewing. Seeing this new version of my living room terrified me so much that I made the conscious decision to wake my father in law and explain to my whole family that I was on shrooms and that I needed someone to help me because I felt like I was about to lose my mind completely. He told me to go sit outside and he would join me as soon as he got dressed.

Soon as he came out, I hugged him and told him I was sorry that he had to come help me. All the while I'm depressing myself only adding to the negativity. I was becoming very dizzy and found myself on the ground dry heaving. Afterwards I got up, and sat down next to him. I kept apologizing and he kept telling me that it's not the time to be thinking about all that. I realized that he was trying to revert my mindset to a positive way of thinking. One statement I remember was "It's a wonder how this is how our ancestors used to communicate with the universe" and this calmed me down tremendously. I put on some sounds of rainfall on my phone and let my mind wander off. I decided that I was going to grab a blanket from the garage and lay it on the driveway and lay down to stare at the stars. It was going on 4 am when I realized that I was coming down, I had started at midnight. Needless to say there was a big discussion following evening after having told on myself, they may be disappointed but I do not regret what i experienced. It was all a learned lesson. 

I do plan to trip again in the future as I would like a positive experience, especially in regards to the experiences other trip reports had mentioned in what seemed like outer body experiences yet seemed to be less and less on the bad trip spectrum. 

Comments are most welcome, as any tips/tricks/advice would be most helpful from seasoned psychonauts.  Thank you for reading!