Approximately 3 Grams of the Divine Inebrient, Psilocybe cubensis -Cambodian variety
After a long week my friend Jim and I decided that the magic mushroom piper was calling us to a journey. We started early in the evening at my apartment. We quickly chewed and ate the fungus, washing it down with a large glass of orange juice...and I used to think stale gymn socks smelled bad :0
The onset of the trip was slower than usual. After about an hour and a half we both began feeling some seperation from reality. This trip was more intense than many, so both Jim and I paced around my apartment with some genuine anxiety and concern. Evil and fear would poke our skin, taunting us to try and escape. We did for the most part. No panic attacks anyways.
As any veteran shroomer can attest, there are always specific moments that make every trip a total surprise and unique. Sort of that same concept that a butterfly flaps his wings and the cost of tea in China goes down.
After about 3 hours Jim and I were dying to eat something. It was just after 11:00 on a Friday night, so I picked up the phone to call Dominos, as I have many times before. After what seemed like an eternity a young man answered and stated that THEY WERE CLOSED. Total stunned silence. "Are You KIDDING!?" I asked. "Nope" insisted the man. "Since when does Dominos close at 11:00 on a Friday!" I demanded. "Always has", said the man. This struck me as being so extreme, so wrong. I suddenly became enraged and perversley amused at the same time. I stood in my hallway with the phone in my hand thinking that there was either a pizza conspiracy or the mushrooms were seriously messing with our minds. It all ended up being the best we couldn't order a pizza, as Jim's gut aches started.
Shorlty after hanging the phone up Jim started grabbing his gut and groaning something fierce. I told him that it was common for shrooms to cause bad gutaches. Jim insisted this was worse than just mushrooms. Suddenly Jim leapt to his feet and charged the bathroom. I thought, "Oh God, please don't paint my carpet!". Jim slammed the door and I heard the toilet lid fly up. After about ten seconds I heard Jim moaning and I could hear diareaha spraying my once clean toilet bowl. This continued for a HALF HOUR! I started feeling really bad for poor Jim. He would mutter the occassional swear word, but seemed too busy to concern himself with much else. Finally Jim emerged from his porcelin Hell. The words out of his mouth I will never forget. "Mike Tyson just punched the shit out of my swollen anus!!!" The visual this created sent me in to tears of laughter. Jim then commented that he would have the red eye special on sale for some time. He claimed days later that his red eye was still puckered.
The next two hours also followed the standard shroom pattern. Great and powerful feelings of happiness, joy and gratefulness came over us. We lay next to each other on my couch and listened to Enya sing to us in a voice only God could have blessed. The feelings of euphoria are always most intense on the way down from the journey.
Now nearly a month later Jim and I still laugh hysterically whenever he talks about the beating his buttinski took from Mike Tyson. My only comeback has been, "Be grateful he wasn't in a biting mood."