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2g of B+ topped up with a small amount of McKennaii)
A very powerful trip for a small dose. Ego death, merging of senses, powerful visuals
I took these mushrooms last night with a friend who had never taken psychedelics before, and who is suffering from depression and struggling to find meaning in her life. I don't give my shrooms away lightly but I really hoped that the transcendental experience that psilocybin can offer might help shift her perspective. Unfortunately they didn't do anything very profound for her. We both took the same dose and even though I had tripped exactly one week earlier on 4g of Mazatapec and probably had some residual tolerance, I experienced a strong trip (with phenomenal visuals and ego dissolution at the peak, verging into level 4 territory) while she only felt "relaxed and able to think about things calmly" with very slight visuals, which is still a good outcome, though I am amazed that they affected us both so differently given that we are a similar weight and took roughly the same dose.
We both took around 2g of dried B at around 1730. I'd taken the same dose two weeks earlier and found the trip stronger than the 4g of Mazatapec I took the following week. As I am also quite small (54kg), this is probably the equivalent of 2.5 - 3g for an average-sized person. After around an hour, neither of us were feeling the effects too strongly. I felt relaxed and objects looked sharper and brighter but I wanted the "other reality" that comes with a stronger trip, so I drank some lemon juice in to speed up the breakdown of psilocybin, then after another ten minutes or so, we both chewed up a few small McKennaii mushrooms that I've not tried before, but that I understand are very potent.
Shortly after drinking the lemon juice and topping up the trip with the McKennaii mushrooms, at around 1900, the effects came began to come on pretty strongly. I'd given the sofa to my friend and had made myself a nest on the living room floor from an arrangement of blankets and cushions. I couldn't get comfortable though and felt extremely restless and quite anxious while coming up. I was experiencing a lot of muscle soreness from a very intense yoga practice that morning, which manifested as paranoia that there was something wrong with my body, accompanied by some anxiety around death. I lay down in my nest underneath a weighted blanket, but it felt suffocatingly heavy and my hair felt like constrictive vines around my neck. I thought I was in for a bad trip at this point. Despite trying to embrace the discomfort and go with it, I began to regret this particular venture into my own psyche as it did not feel like a place I wanted to be and yet I knew I was trapped there for the next few hours (if time has any real meaning on a strong trip). I had a sense of being lost in a decaying forest at night, where all of the trees were dead, and the room took on the grey-brown hues of the dread and discomfort I was feeling. I sat up, lay down again, moved around, added more blankets to my nest, switched the lights on, switched them off again, changed the music and paced around my flat until the restlessness and sense of malaise finally dissipated.
I don't remember the transition, but the next thing I remember is lying on my back in my (finally comfortable) nest in a state of pure euphoria as the boundaries between my "self" and the music and surroundings began to dissolve. I have set myself an objective that on all of my trips, I will revisit a difficult experience in the hope that reliving it in an altered state of consciousness might heal some of the lasting trauma that I have carried forward into my life. In this case, with the anxiety from earlier in the trip completely gone, I revisited a scene from an abusive relationship in my early twenties in which I felt humiliated and powerless. As I imagined myself back there, my physical body transformed into energy, represented by a pair of orthogonal sine waves filled with vivid colour, spinning about their axes and growing in amplitude until they eclipsed the entire scene and I was expelled back into my living room and became part of the music once more, no longer feeling that I was in my body at all. At this point the visuals were incredible. My living room had morphed into a mystical cave and the music as it played out was illustrated in vivid, animated patterns, dancing across the surfaces of the room. On particular piece of music progressed across the ceiling as thousands of delicate gold shapes assembled into the form of a Chinese dragon. The notes of a subsequent piece acquired the form of golden Roman numerals which danced in a procession around the coving on the walls. The trip intensified further and I experienced myself as a form of pure white energy. I could perceive the energy which I had become a part of as visible three dimensional waveforms and felt a complete sense of unity with my surroundings and an intense connection with my friend. I did not perceive her as a separate person at this point and so was certain that she must be experiencing the same state of euphoria as I was, but unfortunately her trip was nowhere near the intensity of mine and she decided to go home. I went downstairs to let her out and lock the door, and everything felt relatively normal (I feel like this trip was level 4 while lying down, immersed in the music, but that I could connect with "reality" by moving or interacting, so I put it as level 3.
After my friend left, there was perhaps another hour of good visuals but I was past the peak at this point. I usually enjoy the comedown or afterglow of a trip but this one took a slightly unpleasant turn. I have a very needy, attention seeking cat so when I am tripping, I give him a herbal remedy (valerian) designed to reduce anxiety in pets to chill him out so he won't be in my face and climbing all over me which would be hard to deal with. He was sprawled out on his cushion in the way that cats do contort themselves but to my tripping brain, he looked all wrong, as if his paws were coming out of the wrong place and I felt a sickening sense of terror and shame that the remedy I had given him had somehow reconfigured him into the wrong shape. I managed to stop the spiral into full blown paranoia that I had mutilated my cat but it brought an amazing experience to a slightly sour end as I couldn't quite let go of the anxiety that I had caused him harm. I then went into the kitchen to make a cup of herbal tea, and left the tea bag in the cup while the kettle boiled but then when I returned to the kitchen, the teabag was wet and the cup was empty but I had no recollection of drinking it which felt very disconcerting. Rather than enjoying the comedown as I usually would, I felt quite unsettled and wanted this one to be over, but it lasted for a good seven hours.
All in all, this was an incredible trip after the initial anxiety subsided, aside from a few unsettling turns, though I imagine the ending would have been more pleasant if my friend had stuck around. I felt slightly disappointed that she had such an underwhelming experience - the peak of my own trip was what I hoped hers would be, but since she didn't have a bad experience perhaps she will return to psychedelics at some point. I'm still surprised by the intensity of my own trip and I'm not sure if it was the small amount of the McKennaii strain that tipped it over the edge, but I will certainly treat them with caution when I take the rest of them.
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