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HUGE dose by mistake
Amateur, alone and helpless under the influence of 13gr of shrooms
Guys I just joined. I wanted to take a high dose although I am not experienced in shroom consumption.
About me: I am from Greece. I was a marginally autistic kid with a knack for mathematics. I took martial art classes for years and I worked hard with myself to blend as much as possible. I am a chess player and came up 2nd in the Athens championship. I've beaten the women's champion of Greece and have been playing for a top club. I am 48 years old now, quite successful in the software industry and working from distance for the UK and managing my own team in a multinational company. I was always very athletic but now I am obese, at about 125Kgr (1.81m tall). I have a son who is 11 and a wife whom I met when I was a University student. We have been happily together for 27 years and married for 17 of them.
Background and how I came up with the dose: I discovered mushrooms from youtube videos from intellectuals that admitted to having tried them. I got intrigued, especially because it seemed that you could get in touch with your feelings. I am a very calculative guy and from what the people around me tell me, I say and do things that hurt the feelings of other, though it's obvious to them that I don't have bad motives for doing so. Anyway, I found a site in Netherlands that could send me a growing kit. My family did not think that this was strange as I take strange projects from time to time. I harvested them, I dried them (by leaving them in front of a fan - took 2 days with no intervention) and then ground them in to powder in a blender we have in the house. Then put the powder in tea bags (which I weighted before and after and noted the quantity in each of them). I finally put them in an airtight container in the fridge with a few moisture sucking things you get when you buy electronic parts. Last summer I finally found the opportunity. I was left alone for a day and I would not let that slip away. I prepared 80 degrees C hot water in a teapot with some honey and submerged 5gr split in several teabags. I put a nice BBC - Attenborough documentary and consumed the "tea". It was a mild experience. I could see some visuals and I would fall into strange thoughts from time to time. I felt some swinging emotions from slight fear to a feeling of accomplishment, etc. I was underwhelmed. I decided that this was like a level 1 experience for me, so I figured that the mushrooms were not potent. Also I knew I was always tolerant with alcohol, marihuana, even coffee and I always needed much more than others to feel the same effects. Now I repeated the whole experiment this year by getting a new cultivation kit. This time I decided I would take 20gr because I am heavy and the mushrooms I get are not potent. I know it sounds stupid but at the time it seemed to make sense since I cannot try gradually escalating the quantity as I don't have the luxury of being left alone frequently. I did exactly the same things with a few tweaks:
(a) I took care of the mushrooms indoors this time and regulated the temperature close to 25 degrees C. Last time I had them outside and there were a few days that we had more than 30 degrees out.
(b) The water in the teapot was about 87 degrees this time. I tried to take account of the escaping heat from the spoon and the teabags. I suspected that last time the temperature was not big enough to extract all the psilocybin.
The trip: I started consuming the "tea", but about 2/3 of the way I realized it was really blue. It left stains that could not be scrabbed clean. This had never happened before so I thought I should stop because there was a distinct possibility that these mushrooms were more potent that the ones I tried before. So I think I managed to consume the equivalent of 13gr. I started thinking I might have screwed up and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I tried to relax and make myself as comfortable as possible in a space that I could not easily escape and get out of the house. I was afraid I could lose myself and do crazy stuff. My suspicion was correct. The effects this time came in 25 minutes and came strong. It was nothing like before. I could still see the things around me but with imposing patterns flying while everything was moving, but the real effect was happening inside my head. I started losing myself in thoughts. I don't know how to explain it but it was as if I was contemplating stuff that had never happened in my life and drawing conclusions about things. I have no exact memory of what thoughts I had but it was strange. I remember it was a frenzy of intense thinking as if I had no time and had to figure out a puzzle. I had moments were I remembered what was happening. For example I could still remember that I had my cat in another room so I went and closed the door because I was afraid I would go crazy and kill him or something. After a while (@ 44mins in) I had a huge rush of panic. I could feel I was losing control. The only thing I did was keep saying to myself "don't worry, you chose this, it will pass in time". Then I spaced out! Thank god for that! Or maybe I went through hell and came back remembering nothing. I remember I could barely see the clock at the wall that was showing 2 hours have passed that I could not account for (@ +3h in). I could see my home inside but I could not recognize it. It was familiar but it was not mine. Time was broken. My thoughts seemed scattered and I did not know what was before and after. My logic that I so admire in me had given its place to chaos. I did not see any monsters or melting walls, but everything was moving. I could hold my head and I felt as if I was holding my self. I was thinking that everything is happening inside my scull and that if I hung on long enough the effects would pass. I was curled into a ball all the time. I felt like I was in the movie "The Father" where everything that was happening had no continuum and did not make sense. As if I was waking up each time without knowing where I am, what's my purpose. At one point I remember that: whatever I was thinking was happening! I had this distinct thought that nothing was real and the universe did not make sense. Only thing I was still sure of was that I chose this and things would make sense again. After 2 more hours (@5h in) I could understand who I was. I checked on my cat and it was ok. Everything was still moving. My cat was like a strange feline type of animal but I knew it was mine. I was content with this. I knew I had escaped with my sanity intact. At 8h in, I had a huge headache and I realized that during my trip I had googled "help nothing makes sense anymore" and "mushrooms reality does not exist".
All and all, it was a strange, not spiritually heavy, experience where I felt I got an inch from losing my sanity. I don't want to know what happened during those 2 lost hours but it would be really crazy. I hope my brain is capable of absorbing the shock of what happened then, because even if I don't remember I'm sure the impact in my neurons was absolutely real. I am writing these things 1 day later and I still have a huge hangover and when I speak I feel that someone else is speaking.
I think mushrooms do not agree with me. Maybe my marginal autistic nature lacks the imagination that is required to build all these strange worlds that I hear other people are seeing. Next time it's going to be after quite some time and only 5gr for me, thank you very much.
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