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My first exp with LSD-25

Not finding words to describe something so wonderful makes the experience even more personal and more important to yourself

My first exp.

January, 29 2012 - About 12.30 AM. Shiva double drops blotter, 1/1.

The blotter was 1x1cm thick, sand colored. Bitter taste, chewed for less than a minute, then swallowed.

Maximum ascent time: approximately 6 hours Total duration (including minimal effects): approximately 14 hours

Maximum descent time: 8 hours (physical and mental well-being the following days) I took the blotter at about 00.30, with a full stomach.

For the first two hours, the effect was not felt. I tried to fool my stomach immediately after ingesting LSD by chewing gum.

The first symptoms I encountered began from 2.30 AM onwards; relaxed mind, empty head, slight euphoria, desire to laugh. Realizing the beginning of the substance, I tried to let myself go, still trying to remain lucid, or rather to observe and remember what I saw, felt and felt.

The effect of LSD manifests itself extremely slowly. It is not a substance that takes effect immediately, what I noticed is that after 4-5 hours of taking, you find yourself in a different and alien reality and you cannot connect either where you are (if you don't know the place) or what time it is. I started losing sense of time from 3.00 AM onwards. I felt a gradual detachment from reality, from what was around me; I no longer cared about the evening, the music or the people. Everything was focused on me, I knew that this evening was going to be very long and very interesting, but I had no idea what was going to happen. Being the first experience with the famous psychotropic, and adding the fact that I spent the experience with people who were neither trained nor educated in this regard, it was a challenge between me and myself.

At 3.00 AM, I didn't feel the need to sleep, eat, smoke, drink. Simply because my mind started making thoughts extraneous to my way of thinking. The place, the sitting, was a familiar place, an old building now used as pub with various dancehall, open space with pillows and sofas. I knew the place more or less for the entire size of the structure, so having seen it previously, I felt estranged from reality precisely because, walking, I began to perceive it in a different way. I remember that the steps seemed very small, while the huge load-bearing walls moved and changed perspective as I walked. I had never noticed that. It seemed as if it wasn't just me moving, and changing coordinates on the floor, but also the walls themselves. It looked like a cinematic shot, in slowmotion at high fps. I realized that something was changing inside me. The mind began to speed up the thoughts, I wondered the scientific why of this thing. I was only able to answer after the trip: distortion of reality. The distorted reality was very different from what, I think, is the idea of ​​an ordinary person. For example, when I read about it, I imagined quite the opposite. My idea was of a confused emotional state, with thoughts, actions, etc. without logic.

What happened next was very different. They offered me a cigarette, and as soon as I touched it it seemed completely different. I could conceive its shape by holding it between my fingers, it seemed designed in a geometric, perfect way. Cylindrical, and pleasant to the touch. As a smoker, I touch and see cigarettes every day. I reasoned about my emotions and my thoughts. I was amazed that something I do every day, like having a cigarette in my hands, seemed like a unique experience. Later, the other cigarettes I smoked seemed even stranger. I remember starting to think “we're almost there” when I saw a cigarette start to move, bending a couple of degrees towards the filter, then returning to its perfect shape. The sensation of smoke in my mouth amazed me. It had no flavor, no texture. I did not feel the bitterness of tobacco. I fixed myself on the glowing red color of the tip. From the center, the red color expanded concentrically, increasing and decreasing the intensity.

The mental state was particularly calm; I was responsible for the fact that the substance would have certain effects, so almost nothing disturbed me about what I saw, indeed I was attracted to it. Throughout the journey, I felt calm; I knew it would be all right because I was sure of being able to "dominate" it. I didn't quite succeed, I think that's the point. At the peak, the feeling is that of living another person's life, as if your mind, your thoughts, the way you walk, think, speak, receive stimuli and impulses (such as listening to music, having a conversation, etc.) did not belong to you. The slow and constant detachment of reality is the beginning of the effect. My stomach felt metallic, as if it too did not belong to me. I looked at my hands. When I saw them, I was drawn to them. They were slightly larger, very defined. They also seemed perfect to me, even if not too neat. It was about 3.30, I was still in the room with the music, I was dancing, listening. Every now and then I talked to S (one of the 2 friends of mine at that night), who I thought he saw as a retard. I fixed myself on my behavior, my state, seen from the outside. I didn't worry that a person not on LSD saw me, but what he thought. I tried to understand what was going on in my friend's head about me. I knew I was walking aimlessly, staring - for hours it seemed to me - on trivial things already seen, like cigarettes. I thought "he can't understand," but I was worried that he himself was worried about me. Having read a lot about psychotropics, I knew very well that in case something went wrong, an untrained person would not be able to give me the necessary help. Self-confidence played a fundamental role in the journey.

We moved to the canteen. The distortion and hallucinations, as well as the emotional state, began to change and intensify. I asked for the time, and I realized that it had been a long time. It was almost 4.00 AM. A part of me kept wondering if this was all the "prodigious psychedelic effect", I felt almost mocked by the stories of Hoffman. I was not satisfied. It didn't seem like enough, it wasn't the effect I wanted and hoped for. Besides the thoughts detached from my usual way of thinking, as well as an increase in visual and auditory perceptions (seeing much sharper, with slightly brighter colors and sounds that seemed distant) I didn't feel totally "lost". It was difficult for me to order dishes, I asked for help from M., a boy with whom I did not have a particularly deep bond. Considering the fact that the set, that is the person who accompanies you on the journey, is essential to conclude in the best possible way and avoid bad trips, I knew I had not chosen too well. The thought only touched me, and then it went away. My mind kept looking for a reason in everything I was feeling. The canteen was crowded, most of the tables were occupied. It seemed like a very large space, even if full of people. I was not cold, thinking about it now, it is probably due to the high blood sugar level that cause an increase in body temperature. In fact, I only had the sweatshirt. The jacket was in the backpack. I ordered some fries with mayonnaise, paid and we went to sit down. I ate on LSD for the first time. Since I had swallowed the blotter, I had not yet touched any food, or had a dose of THC. The effect of THC under LSD is interesting and I will open a parenthesis: the taste is altered, it often has none. THC decreases blood sugars, while LSD stimulates their production. I believe that, under LSD, THC speeds up the intake and disposal process a lot. I recommend that you moderate its use until you return from your trip. LSD is a substance that must be taken individually, further modifying the activity of the body could lead to bad trips or unpleasant situations.

I began to fight against myself, I felt that a part of my thoughts was increasingly distant and remote. I had a deep sense of bewilderment when I ordered more fries and had to get up. The yellow color was much more intense, plus the salt present above only made the shape and volume of the food sharper. I took one in my hand, looked at it and began to see the mayonnaise change shape. They were micro movements, as if the substance were breathing. It increased and decreased in volume. I was very attracted to them, so much so that I ordered more just to look at them. The taste was the last thing that touched me. I also got a can of peach tea. After looking away from the chips, I focused on the shape of the can. I saw that she began to change, she seemed much more distant and slim to me. It was a foreign thing, it didn't seem to belong to me. It seemed to have come out of nowhere. I just didn't remember ordering it. My mind was so lost in observing the plate of chips that I didn't remember anything else in that instant. I found it dissenting, I still had that "metallic" nausea in my stomach, it felt like iron, but it wasn't too unpleasant a sensation.

At one point I got lost looking at the wall next to me. It also began to dilate and widen, and then return to the starting point. I fixed myself on the drawings, they began to move, to change in shape and slightly in color. I informed my two friends, who asked me to describe what I saw. The idea that I also had before that evening was of a substance with a very visual effect. In public opinion, LSD is seen as a hallucinogenic substance. Hallucinations are one thing, the distortion of reality another. A hallucination is something your mind sees, but it doesn't exist. The projection of reality seen with the 5 senses amplified and mixed instead, creates profound thoughts and revelations to the person under LSD. This is why I am convinced that everything that is seen under psychedelics is to be associated with one's mind, with different somatic and psychological characteristics. Furthermore, I argue that LSD is not a full-fledged drug; the body becomes tolerant of it after the first dose for at least 7 days, which means that not even a double or triple dose will have an effect if it has been taken a few days before. In this way, physical addiction cannot exist. Psychological dependence, in my opinion, also cannot be present, since the mind reasons, sees, thinks, lives very intensely during the psychedelic experience for many hours and needs time to recover, to return to reality (the descent is very slow, and the effects can occur even a few days after the total descent).

In this regard, I would talk about the famous "acid returns", also known as "re trip". At first it was believed that the parasite containing the active ingredient could be deposited in the blood. To date, research on millions of patients (it seems that 100 million people have tried LSD), rule out this hypothesis. Hoffman states that the acid returns are due to very strong stimuli that refer to psychedelic experiences in the past with the same person or in the same place. The acid returns I have had lasted a few seconds and were physical and not emotional. I suddenly remember seeing the warm color of the light bulb become even more intense and dye the wall an intense orange. Stressful situations or mental confusion can result in these short but intense re-trips. I believe it is due to the fact that the part of the brain that manages short and long term memory does not stop working under LSD, but intensifies, and elements that bring the mind back to trip, spring up in the brain these "re views" to the distorted reality.

After eating, it was 4.00 AM. I forgot to call my mother, and this was a constant thought, a concern, which affected my journey in a particular way. We went back to dancing, I wanted to see things. I didn't like the dark much anymore, even though I eventually saw spectacular smoke effects on stage, which took on a rainbow color. My mind distorted the image, and I saw the smoke drift much more slowly. The colors became more and more intense. I thought about the people around me. It seemed to me that they were all calm and friendly. The room was beginning to empty, the music became more and more intense and mingled with other sounds. The synaesthesia came alive. Seeing music was a very profound experience. I thought of the musicians. I felt a step above them, above everyone. Bright colors such as red, green and orange swayed on the walls and expanded, changing constantly. I lost the use of the word, in the sense that it began to become more and more complex to speak. I didn't feel like it, it seemed futile to me. I felt that no one felt what I did; the feeling of well-being continued until 5 AM, when they turned off the music.

Something told me I had to go and get lost. An insane feeling of wanting to get lost, as if there were someone who would influence the places I would see, changing everything. If we look at our desk now, it will seem monotonous. Same color, same position, same objects, same sensations. Under LSD, everything seems to shine in a new light. New shapes, new colors, new sensations. I recommend visiting the same place three times: before, in the meantime, and after. Arriving at the "after", the brain will be influenced by the psychotropic experience, and it will be easier for you to remember and reflect. We left the club, it was cold outside, but I didn't particularly notice it, I was still in a sweatshirt. S suggested we shoulded smoke something, Marco didn't smoke marijuana, and I didn't think about it all night. It made me want to smoke.

I tried to raise the joint, the paper did not have an elastic consistency, it looked like waste paper. I couldn't coordinate the movements well. I could no longer harmonize and harmonize thoughts. I began to lose the logical and rational part, I did not remember for example the passage: tobacco, marijuana, filter, paper, rolled, turned on. I had the grass, the paper and the filter in my hand, but I couldn't think about what to do. I laughed at myself, and at the situation, it seemed an impossible thing, a "movie" thing. Under LSD you don't think about the logic of things, you look for another one. For example, seeing a graffiti on a wall can make you think about why it is there. The mind is lost on the shapes of the writing, on the colors and on the fact that it slowly deforms, on what is written on it, but one does not think that it is there precisely because a person drew it for it.

I smoked half joint with S, I felt my body light, the euphoric state that pervaded me at the beginning of the evening returned and was amplified. I put the rest of the grass in my jeans pocket inside the big pocket. I felt some coins, I felt some bags and I felt that the space that I remembered actually being there, in the mind was much larger. I felt like I was putting my hand in the big pocket and not the small one. Immediately I didn't think about the "amplification of space and time", I didn't ask myself, for example, why I didn't know what time it was. I just didn't think about it, I didn't care.

We started walking down the street, the long street that connected the nearest subway stop widened. Describing what you see, making the reader understand, is a complex thing. Each of us has a different, individual perception of reality. It is the reason for finding a person attractive or not. Each of us has our own idea of ​​beauty, right, wrong, etc. Describing what you see under the influence of LSD is a difficult action and I know that I will not be able to fully. By "it expanded" I mean that the buildings away from me started to get taller; I was able to understand the idea behind the various structures, the care of each brick, the repetition of windows, balconies, decorations. They looked beautiful to me. The more I stared at them, the more they changed and deformed. I concentrated on looking at a couple of them: all the rectangles of the windows began to recede, while the rest of the building came towards me, modifying the architectural structure. The graffiti on the street were painted in bright and bright colors, which became more or less intense. I asked my friends to interact with me. In the meantime, I didn't know why I was walking. It was as if I had woken up from a dream: I was standing in line, I was inside, I was eating, I was smoking and then all of a sudden I was there. It is the loss of the sense of time. Not realizing that not a minute but an hour has passed, does nothing but make the world you see even more unreal. Slowly I lost that inner strength that made me stay clear and logical, I lost the constant desire to understand why I saw something distorted in one way, instead of another. I let myself go, even though I thought to what extent the effects could still rise and grow.

I didn't follow the conversation my friends had, I thought they were talking about me too, but I didn't care. The streets had become wide, the colors bright, I began to walk in a world I had never seen before: the road, the sidewalk, the moon, the sky, the colors, the noises. Everything seemed new to me, as if I were seeing them for the first time (and I don't intend to see the Moon for the first time in one way instead of another, I intend to see it for the first time!) I fixed myself on some phrases uttered by the people walking near me. "A dog", the thought that there was a dog, or that a dog might jump out influenced my view of things.

I lost that thought. I found myself looking at a figure I didn't recognize immediately. From a distance, I saw him approaching, getting bigger and bigger. It was as if it were not me walking and therefore approaching, but the opposite. I walked, but it was like I was always still. It was things that moved, not me. It was a very complex thought, I could not immediately understand how to describe it in words. Suddenly, S put her hand on my shoulder and I found myself crouched on the ground. Getting lost in a thought, continuing to explore it, widening and enriching it, under LSD, and then being distracted is like waking up from a dream. As if every thought in which you get lost were a dream. The unconscious, the self, the remote and dark, irrational, emotional and sentimental part is stimulated and expanded, so that the mind is able to find reasoning and motives in everything that is seen.

I asked him if he had seen that beautiful dog with the pink and pearly reflections. It was a light brown dog, but it had a constant stream of light coming out of it. I felt lost when they told me the dog didn't exist. Not realizing, at that moment, for the first time, that it was a distortion of reality (as mentioned earlier, I was wondering how much it could still rise, but deep down I was still demoralized by the effects, I had imagined them much more intense), I believed I really saw a dog that didn't exist. I didn't know where or how it was there, but I was sure it was there. Later they told me that the dog really was there, but obviously it didn't have that wonderful light effect that made it unique. Soon after, at least I think, I stared at a glass door of an apartment building. I also saw there that it was not I who changed the perspective lines of the floor, moving to the right or to the left, but it was the structure itself that moved. This sense of strangeness of the body is one of the most complex sensations to describe.

Phrases such as "Live a movie" or "a life not yours" sound trivial to those who have lived through such experiences. Not finding words to describe something so wonderful makes the experience even more personal and more important to yourself.

PART II - July 10, 2022

More than 10 years after the first experience in a location in north of Milan, the first part ended with the first real distortion of reality (the pink dog), I will try to recall the memories and actions that took place immediately after. It will be impossible for me to enrich the story, as I did previously, with moods and thoughts under the influence of LSD, but I find it necessary to conclude the story. So..

.. I stood for several seconds staring at the entrance to an apartment building, the floor had an abstract texture with small stones of various dark colors. Suddenly, that broken texture and without a predictable trend began to change. I was looking at my first fractal, not that I had never seen one before - there are thousands of images on the internet, and references in the culture of the 60s and 80s, but seeing it forming before my eyes was astonishing: more than 10 years of experience I can say that it was a turning point in the interpretation that I still adopt for everyday reality. Let me explain:

Being able to imagine something is in itself a uniquely human act. But seeing it transform, changing shape, and moving from abstract chaos to something perfectly geometric is something divine. Just thinking about the mutability of life, of how everything around us is in constant motion at the sub atomic level, and then being able to understand it by seeing that fractal forming and starting to have a life of its own, well it's not exactly an everyday thing. Having intuited the essence of the world in that instant, in that infinite instant, by observing simple stairs, revolutionized my thinking at the age of eighteen.

In the years to follow, I remember a development of spirituality and a strong propensity for philosophy, mysticism and alchemy. I also started studying psychology, meta psychology and parapsychology. Events that have taken place over the years leave me more and more to believe that we do not entirely belong to this place, or at least - and here I do not want to seem narcissistic or selfish - not all of them belong there. But let's get back to us. If my mind does not deceive me, I went home by subway, using the yellow line towards Milan South. By now it was 6 and a half hours after taking the substance, it could be defined as a plateau phase, that from the 4th to the 6th hour . The new reality had been revealed, it had stabilized. I remember coming out of the metro, in which I struggle to have memories (if not a strong gratitude for M, who despite living on the other side of the city had stayed with me, offering to take me home). I saw the ways of each day take a new shape, it was still dark, yet I was able to have a clear vision. I remember feeling the magnetic field, if I can steal the term from physics, of objects, plants and people around me. I try to describe it better: I remember that M suggested we drink something hot like a coffee before saying goodbye. We walked to the bar where we got cigarettes every morning before going to school (I live near my high school); along the road, a person passed me, walking in the opposite direction of mine. I was staring at the buildings, and I became aware of these people only and exclusively because I felt an electric discharge at the level of my right shoulder when they passed by my side. I turned around, and saw that one person actually walked away in the opposite direction.

Perceiving another person's life on your own skin was another turning point. If a few hours earlier, I had felt mocked by Hoffman for the "low" intensity of my experience in relation to his, now I no longer had any doubts. LSD had completely expanded the doors of my perception, quoting Huxley, annihilating my ego. Rereading the first part years later, I came to the conclusion that I reached the maximum peak of a Level 4 in the scale used (1-5). Entering the bar, the memory I have is of a fairytale vision: the warm lights, almost like a candle, illuminated evenly in the darkness of the now past night. M ordered for me, I just observed. Although in complete disorientation, I remember that I managed to keep coordinated movements and facial expression unaltered to what I was seeing: a small being, behind a wooden counter that shone with its own light, with a very long white beard, which more resembled a mystical creature type gnome or goblin that of a human.

Next to him, there was a huge bright pink cake with white toppings. Even today, after 10 years, the image is vivid in my mind and I have access to it without restrictions. I can only infer, knowing the bar, that it was a pure hallucination. Perhaps the only time I went this far was this, the first time. I have had other experiences during these 10 years, with an irregular and infrequent cadence, but from the first time to the second only 3 months passed. I have no recollection of any other visual hallucinations or open eyes visuals (OEVs), although I have had much more introspective and spiritual experiences, with closed eyes visuals (CEVs).

Although fascinated - I would have liked to observe that Renaissance tavern (it seems to me a good way to describe the cigarette bar before school I was in) indefinitely. The seventh hour had arrived, the peak had been reached, my perception of reality remained expanded and altered as in the previous hours, but the mind was like stabilizing, and gradually becoming aware and adapting to the new dimension. I think I went back to having a sense of myself. Where I was from, who I was, why I was there. Returning home, I was able to reassure M that he was fine, to be able to go up to the house - he had offered to take me to the door inside the building's staircase - and to have lived a unique experience. I remember that I accompanied him to the bus stop that would take him home. Having said goodbye to my involuntary sitter, I was left alone. The sky began to clear, and so did my mind. 8 hours had passed by now, time was still passing alternately, but I felt that I was slowly returning to what is defined as Higher Consciousness (our everyday, in short).

I headed home, the memories of everyday life came back to surface in my mind, almost reworked and processed again. Not altered, simply seen with a broader perspective. Lying in bed, with the first light of dawn, I struggled to sleep for some time. I had not closed my eyes for a long time since I was under the influence of LSD, when for the first time, with my eyes closed, I saw what I had only read in astral stories: I floated in the air, my body simply wasn't there. It was like an aerial, periscopic shot, I had a multi-perspective vision: I could see at 360 and in the meantime dwell on a very distant detail. The landscape was a desert, an infinite desert on a sunny day, but without the sun. There was no shadow of mine, no energy but mine. Now mentally exhausted, I let myself go to the vision with my eyes closed, losing consciousness and falling asleep.

This is my first experience with LSD, thank you.

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