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Micro Dose Fail

Learn to let go



Whats up everyone just sharing my recent experience with trying to microdose. Ive had intense trips as well as bad ones in the past before I married my wife. She knows about these past experiences therefore making her look at shrooms negatively(thanks to me)
I ate 1 gram the night before when my wife was sleeping. I ate the 2.5 that was left (not exactly sure I didnt have a scale) the following morning before my wife woke up 
I was taking it slow but got over confident and just ate the rest as I only got a body high after that 1 gram
The trip lasted a few hours but it felt like forever, especially from 9am to 10am
I started loading the dishwasher waiting for the boomers to kick in a few minutes go by I notice my mobility is now restricted im starting to move slow and in a disoriented manner 
I manage to get done with that thinking at least 30 mins passed but it was only like 7 
I heard my wife get up so I go over to wish her a good morning then she goes to do her thing as usual around the house
My legs start getting tired so I lay down on the bed looking at a painting that started waving 
I love my pets and they wanted to play with me but for some reason I felt annoyed and irritated(thats not like me)with them
I quickly caught on to that and instantly felt regret and sadness
I started to pace as the shrooms started to kick in harder than I excpected. My anxiety was through the roof,there was no way I was going to be able to hide this from my wife. She has trust issues because of my past alcoholism,I have been off the booze over a year and a half and I did this because I love her and she threatened to leave me if I didn't stop boozin 
I walked out to the balcony and made the mistake to quickly glance at the suns reflection in the nearby lake, that caused light visuals consisting of multi colored polk a dots. I sit down on the patio chair and she tries to hug me and I tell her im not ready to do that so she looks at me in confusion and asks me “whats wrong?”
I try to play it off by saying nothing is wrong so I think of an escape for my unsual behavior and blame it on the recent passing of our dog which made her cry and I did too because I lied and now shes sad because of me because of my lie so we plan to go get starbucks after holding each other and crying for a few minutes
By this time the shrooms are in full effect and my body is now confused in the way that I felt hot inside but cold exteriorly, physically speaking
I felt interior uncontrollable energy but my body was exhausted I was on an emotional rollercoaster feeling every emotion both good and bad I didnt want to drink anything but water at this point 
We go to the park because i thought it would help me stabilize my emotions I walked the dog a little and went back home 
My body felt the same really uncomfortable I regreted taking the shrooms because of the rollercoaster I was on I tell my wife to play some of her meditative frequencies and the first one she plays is a frequency for love that she knows is my favorite
I immediately start tearing up again as shes gathering vitamins as i felt a cold coming when she came back and saw me crying she asked me why again and I said I was crying tears of joy because I have a great life but for some reason I couldnt see all this without the mushrooms 
I have an awesome wife and thats what makes me rich
I told her to play some of her positive vibes music and it was all touching me because it was something she really liked therefore I found it beautiful as well I told her how amazing she was and how grateful I was for her my body still felt all crazy so I smoked a bowl of weed out the bong and almost instantly was relieved
I grew up in a christian household with an abusive stepfather so displaying emotion of any sort is hard for me especially sadness but I feel like the mushrooms have taught me to let go 
Sometimes its ok to stop trying to hold everything together and just let your feelings reflect 
Its been 1 day since this trip and my legs still hurt

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