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5g penis envy psilocybin mushroom
Let us begin on what was by far the most intense experience of my life and will always be till death (99.9% certain)
(Scroll down to %u201CTRIP BEGINS%u201D if you just want the trip story)
I%u2019ll start by providing context on my brief past regarding psychedelics. At around 16-17 I became a stoner. My experiences always seemed to be unique from others. I would do what I called %u201Cvoid walking%u201D I would smoke as much weed as I could at night while alone (I didn%u2019t need much to get deep) and then I would make my way to my room and lay in bed in darkness and enter a trance/meditative state where I let go of my body and would hallucinate and fall into what I%u2019ve come to realize have been described as the %u201Cakashic records%u201D. I know it%u2019s very %u201Cwuwu hippy talk%u201D but when I was there it felt 100% real, I saw and had access to all of this information. I would do this and go further and further every time at 2-4 week intervals. My final experience i saw a tree/pyramid of life and saw all the connections going up to the origin of consciousness that redirects through all life.
At 18 I did 50-100ug LSD (I forget) with a friend which cured 99% of my depression and anxiety and was overall amazing and positive
Around 19 I did 1-1.5 grams of liquid shrooms on two occasions which were very easy to handle and were warm and simple
From 19-21 I did LSD two more times which were never as meaningful as the first but definitely helped me see some things and were interesting experiences
Fast forward to me at 23 and my depression and fear has been creeping into me becoming worse and worse over the last year and a half after my ex breaking up with me, I was convinced I%u2019d marry her.
I had always been a huge fan of Terrence McKenna and knew one day I%u2019d attempt his %u201CHeroic dose%u201D - 5g of shrooms alone in pure darkness. I always thought of myself as able to handle any suffering life threw at me and my god I had no idea what i was about to be in for. This purpose of this trip was to rid of addiction in my life and think out some important decisions and think about myself. I got place about 3 hrs away from home for a night (MISTAKE 1) I am well aware of the %u201Crules%u201D regarding psychedelic usage but I thought i would be fine alone 3 hours away from friends/family.
As I drove through the countryside to my destination I felt a strong sense of a storm brewing both inside my mind and in the world. 5 minutes before arrival it began to pour extremely hard. I arrive call a friend before starting and prepare for the trip. I even told my friend %u201CI know this is going to be a war with myself and a real voyage and will not be fun. Boy was I right.
7PM - TRIP BEGINS (these are my notes as it kicked in.
7:06PM - the tidal wave is coming
Focus is here
Everything is here
The iphone tries to correct what you say to manipulate language into being a certain way (referring to auto correct)
They are trying to gain control but the world has control always and loves all
I love everything and everyone but life gets so hard sometimes that I can%u2019t show how much I care. Everything else is a misunderstanding. I%u2019m going now. Goodbye.
I love everything.
My ego is under full assault by an intergalactic space cannon
(Referencing putting my phone down and laying down and closing my eyes)
After this point I have almost no idea what was the beginning or the end of the trip. I try to lay down and immediately start panicking and realize i was about to be in for the lesson of my life, and absolute beatdown of my soul. As I lay down I feel and see a cosmic web that felt like it was being laid over me by another being/intelligence with its own consciousness and plan for me. I try to stay still and surrender but I was far too afraid. It felt like I was dying while being fucked by %u201Cgod%u201D and the %u201Cdevil%u201D at the same time.
7:37 - my phones history shows my first outgoing phone call to my best friend. My plan was too have him distract me and talk me through it. I kept asking him questions. From what I remember I was asking him to give me reference points of time and reality so I could tether myself to %u201Creality%u201D As I was calling him I kept coming to the realization that he was actually just me and that iphones are mirrors and that nobody else but me really exists. I realized how we are all the same consciousness experiencing individual lives separately. My friend my brothers and I seemed to be just one physical person split into multiple dimensions. It literally felt like I was communicated with %u201CGod%u201D as I talked to my friend but that I was him and he was me. All I could see was how we are actually our fathers and sons and brothers all at once. Im a guy) I saw how I%u2019m actually just my father and when he dies my consciousness just shifts backwards into me (the son)
I also encountered the feminine energy which kept assuring me everything would be alright and workout but then it kept going back to the masculine war archetypes. I realized how my mother is a transcendent image inside my mind of what I could be but am not in reality, that perhaps our mothers don%u2019t actually %u201Cexist%u201D in the physical but are just illusions we each conjure up in our own universe.
I was thinking about some sort of 12,000 and 24,000 year cycle which seemed to be tied to some sort of catastrophic point in which civilization resets. My spirit seemed to be flying through from the beginning of time to the end of time but yet knowing time isn%u2019t real. I saw how the world seems to be going into the digital and simulated realities within our phones and screens instead of the %u201Creal world%u201D
At one point I am not sure if I was playing music or my emotions pulsing within were the music but my friend had told me he was going to go and ended the call. At this point I began to feel this immense incoming war. It was as if civilization had just finished a 24,000 year cycle and this trip was a the final death of the cycle. I felt intense emotions of rage and anger flooding me as my spirit voyaged through all the wars of humanity. I was there in normandy, I%u2019m not sure if I was experiencing everyone or specific individuals but I do have german blood so perhaps I was experiencing my ancestors fighting there. After going through all war to the end of time I got to the end where I realized war was a simulation created by the future to send back through time so we didn%u2019t have to experience the authentic version within reality.
At one point I finally made it through the war to where I got to my ex girlfriend I referenced in the beginning. I made it to her after all this time and relived all of the love we shared and I realized just how transcendent sex was with her and how transcendent it can be.
I saw the death of my father and myself what seemed like over and over.
I also seemed to have re experienced my entire childhood or some sort of inaccurate or more accurate version of it.
At the beginning of the war i realized I was starting it to fight for what I and my side believed in and then at the end you realize you are all just the same and believe the same things and are made up of the same things just in different clothing. It seemed like there was 3-8 or so factions which humanity is divided into. I saw all the great leaders of each faction from the beginning to the end of time. I saw how there is a war for our spirits in the modern day but also one part of me said that it is simply an illusion.
I have a vivid painful memory of some point during the trip where I felt like I died. It was an extremely painful process but also in some ways very easy and thoughtless. It%u2019s as if I fell back into the earth and the earth fell back into me all at once in a powerful meshing process.
During the war part I snapped a big mirror in half with my hands somehow and threw a glass cup against the wall.
I also opened the maps on my phone and my mind thought it was actually just places in the universe imprinted onto the planet so that humans could experience the universe without needing to go out there into the actual construct where the gods store all the data points that structure our lives
I think that sums up everything I can think of although there was probably much more i lost. After the trip I was talking to my friend and asked him if I died and was now in heaven. Idk if he said yes or no but I really felt as if i died and was free in heaven now, except i had alot of negative emotion.
I%u2019m struggling to integrate this although it%u2019s only been 24 hours. Feel free to ask questions. To those who want to go this deep and take 5g%u2026 reconsider it because idk if I%u2019ll ever be back to %u201Creality%u201D again