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First Trip, Not What I Expected

Subtle, yet comforting trip

I did my first trip last week with GT mushrooms that I grew myself. I became curious about mushrooms about 3 years ago, but I thought I should wait until I am in a better head space to pull the trigger. After graduating college, I felt depression and anxiety to levels I didn't know existed because I wasn't happy with my life. Worked my hardest, pushed through these emotions and am in a better place. Now that I am not surrounded by negativity, I feel comfortable with the idea of taking mushrooms. My goal with this exploration of psilocybin mushrooms is to help combat my addiction, improve relationships, and have a deeper understanding of the universe and myself. 

I thought I was an absolute mad lad growing my own mushrooms! But I grew them, dehydrated them and when the time came, I took 1 gram as an introductory dose to a new substance. 

Honestly, the trip itself was pretty light. I could tell I was a little high within 30 mins, but disregarded it as maybe it was just my anticipation. It wasn't until I looked in the mirror an hour later and saw my dilated pupils that I realized I was tripping. I started out listening to music for 30 mins, but didn't feel anything. It wasn't until a couple hours in, while I was holding a strawberry near a window, when the sunlight was hitting the fruit just right - it looked like the single most perfect strawberry. The red color was so vibrant, and the seeds were individually inspected by my visual awareness. Not that I looked at each individual seed, but like I captured a picture of the strawberry in my head and saw each seed clearly as I continued to eat it. I wanted to feel more of the trip, the way others had described it, so I was getting impatient. I considered taking more, as I had a flush ready for harvesting. However, I chose not to do this and ride this trip for what it is: an introduction to psilocybin. I told my girlfriend that I didn't want to stay inside and wanted to go to a park. She drove me to a garden, where we looked at some flowers and nature. It wasn't until we got here that I noticed that I was asking questions I normally wouldn't. Who planted these flowers? Where did these variety of trees come from? Who takes care of the garden? I noticed that I was more in touch with the inner kid inside me. A genuine, innocent child inside me was peeking out. After this we went back home, and I started to come down as she cooked dinner. 

After reflecting on the trip for a week, I think I went in with this expectation of what the trip was supposed to be, and therefore I wasn't present with the trip. I wanted a light trip, but in the back of my head I wanted to talk to the trees. Maybe this distracted me from fully experiencing a small dose. I like to think the mushrooms were trying to teach me not to carry these expectations into a trip, because it won't be what I expect. Maybe I went against the grain on this trip, but either way I gained something from this. I learned what mushrooms are capable of. It's absolutely extraordinary. And goes to show how little we really understand about what is going on in the universe. I felt like the mushrooms were giving me a trip where I was able to express that inner kid, and felt an aura of love and acceptance around me. I really enjoyed the trip, I remember feeling warm.  Next time, I'll set intentions, but will leave it to the mushrooms to decide how they would like to proceed.

This trip took place on 30Jun. I am planning for my next trip on 26Aug, and feel comfortable taking 3.5 grams this time. I am still nervous as the dose is larger, but at least I got my feet wet and can better prepare for it. 

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